Almost Too Honest, Subway

Took this phone cam picture at our local Subway the other day.

Like An Honest Type Thing“Ehhh, it’s like a friggin’ mayonnaise type thing, know what I’m sayin’? A light dressing, sorta. Like an edible-petroleum-product kinda sauce?”

I was also pretty impressed with their follow up punch: admitting flat out that the “secret sub sauce” is just Zesty Italian.

Wonder Years

I’m mostly posting this for the lovely Jessica, since she can’t stand being made to feel bad by other people’s awkwardness.

This was one of the earliest memes I remember covering the internet from end to end – I seem to recall it was also one of the first to be set to music, although that music now seems to be lost. This was first a tripod page, where the video’s only image was also taken from. The site would automatically begin playing a looping wav file of the poor little bugger, a wav file which was later ripped down and sent around seperately.

Mike Blount – the kid in question – has unsurprisingly been unable to avoid the internet for the rest of his life, and thus has had to accept his early stardom and even parlay it into his own later-life blog.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge7mozA-ptI]

There was, in a sense, a happy ending to all of this – Mike eventually realized he didn’t even want a future girlfriend, what he wanted was a future boyfriend.

Sports Illustrated

UghListen: I don’t get the swimsuit issue. You get 12 months a year of sweaty homo-erotic stick and ball handlers, then you get one issue of half-dressed ladies.

When I was a boy at Catholic grade school, I recall many of the lads flipping pages of ye olde National Geographic looking for the indigenous boobies –  is Sports Illustrated the equivalent for middle aged men carrying on dispassionate marriages, too constrained by the bounds of civility and upbringing to go out and buy a playboy? The softest of core brought into the house under the cover of respectable football player ogling?

Knifin' 2: Electric Boogaloo

Shock Knife

Apparently rubber knives are out with the police.

Now when they train to deal with a switchblade carrying jacked-up ’70s hooligan wearing bell bottoms, they utilize The Shock Knife – essentially a plastic handle with an electrified “blade”. Supposedly the shock knife doesn’t injure, it just hurts. That doesn’t make me feel better about the fact that their most prevalent PR image looks like a sexual predator version of Halo’s Master Chief though.

Master Chief

Here’s a brief youtube video of a curtain training to defend itself against stab attack:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xoc-t63A7zc]