Category: Psychic Bill Predicts
2019: Three years after his death, Rupert Murdoch’s life acts
as the source material for a remake of Citizen Kane.
2048: A breakthrough in cloning technology allows for the re-creation of dinosaurs.
Instead of growing amusement-park sized Tyrannosauruses, tiny
“house-raptors” immediately go on the market as pets.
2019: The first computer program is written that fully passes the Turing test.
Thousands of copies are immediately put into use as twitter spam-bots.
2021: Mark Zuckerberg dances on the grave
of the world’s final class reunion.
2019: The first by-furries-for-furries song to hit number one enters the charts.
Mascot-suit sales soar, but the explicit take on The Lion Sleeps Tonight is largely considered derivative by critics. After a six week run, Jamie Foxx
once again tumbles into obscurity.
2036: A bio-mechanical processing factory, thirty miles off
of the Colombian coast, accidentally dumps twenty-thousand tons
of cocaine into the Pacific. A newly designated task force deploys
71-year-old Charlie Sheen, wearing only a life jacket, to absorb the spill.
2016: After 20 years of running a successful blueberry U-Pick-It farm,
Dan Mcillgis, of Brush Prairie, WA, decides to open the first U-Slaughter-It ranch.
2018: With the landslide election of an aging Carl Weathers, the American
people make it clear that the sole qualification necessary for becoming
a state governor is an appearance in the film Predator.
2029: The first wave of Emo nostalgia hits, likely sparked
by the release of Mattel’s retro Silently Weeping Barbie.
2032: 3D becomes the next big thing in the entertainment industry,
but the fad quickly fizzles out after a series of underwhelming
releases are rushed to market.