True Crime Tuesday: More Than They Could Chew Edition

Don’t worry, there’s no cannibalism in this edition of TCT – but there’s definitely a pair of knife-wielding miscreants.

First up, via Rich the Time Traveller and Sports Illustrated, we have the tale of referee Otavio da Silva.

The Public Safety Department of the state of Maranhao says in a statement that it all started when referee Otavio da Silva expelled player Josenir Abreu from a game last weekend.

Passions often run high when sports are involved, but you can almost tell what event you’re dealing with based solely on the description of how the debate regarding the penalty plays out.

It started as a verbal argument, so maybe it’s baseball – except:

The two got into a fist fight

– so maybe it’s hockey –

Silva took out a knife and stabbed Abreu, who died on his way to the hospital.

– OK, so it’s soccer –

Abreu’s friends and relatives immediately “rushed into the field, stoned the referee to death and quartered his body.”

– oops, never mind: NOW it’s soccer.

Silva isn’t the only one who should have been kept from the cutlery, however. The Geelong Advertiser reports:

Police allege the [suspect, aged 64,] from Queensland had bought a knife from the shopping centre’s Kmart store and approached a 22-year-old female as she prepared to drive out of the carpark.

He’s probably just trying to show off his new purchase? Right?

Right?

Geelong Senior-Constable Paul Mitchell said the victim wound down her window and the man held the knife to her throat, demanding she give him the vehicle.

Well – to be fair, he did sort of need the ride. Did I mention that he accomplished all of this while using a walker?

After putting his walker in the car, the man drove a short distance before getting out to load in other bags.

See? He just needed help with his discount throw pillows and bulk Efferdent.

With his stunned victim quickly calling 000, police were able to arrest the man before his planned escape to South Australia.