Category: Flash Pulp

FPGE4 – Coffin: Walker

Welcome to Flash Pulp, Guest-isode 004.

Flash PulpTonight we present, Coffin: Walker.

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This week’s episodes are brought to you by Threedayfish on Facebook.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight we encounter a holiday scene of friendship and ancient considerations.

 

Coffin: Walker

Written and Narrated by Threedayfish
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

Coffin

Many thanks to Fish!

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Freesound.org credits:

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to skinner@skinner.fm, or the voicemail line at (206) 338-2792 – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

FPGE3 – Same Time Next Year: a Sour Thistle Tale

Welcome to Flash Pulp, Guest-isode 003.

Flash PulpTonight we present, Same Time Next Year: a Sour Thistle Tale.

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This week’s episodes are brought to you by Worldbuilder.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight we encounter a holiday scene of friendship and ancient considerations.

 

Same Time Next Year: a Sour Thistle Tale

Written and Narrated by David “Doc Blue” Wendt
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

Same Time Next Year: a Sour Thistle Tale

Many thanks to Dave “Doc Blue” Wendt!

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Freesound.org credits:

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to skinner@skinner.fm, or the voicemail line at (206) 338-2792 – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

FPGE2 – Pigheart's Accursed Christmas

Welcome to Flash Pulp, Guest-isode 002.

Flash PulpTonight we present, Pigheart’s Accursed Christmas.

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This week’s episodes are brought to you by Captain Pigheart.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, we welcome Captain Pigheart into the Flash Pulp universe, so that he might tell us a salty tale of holiday doings.

 

Pigheart’s Accursed Christmas

Written and Narrated by Nick Tyler
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

Christmas Captain Pigheart

Find out more at CaptainPigheart.com

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Freesound.org credits:

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to skinner@skinner.fm, or the voicemail line at (206) 338-2792 – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

FP230 – Mulligan Smith in Checking It Twice, Part 1 of 1

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and thirty.

Flash PulpTonight we present, Mulligan Smith in Checking It Twice, Part 1 of 1.

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This week’s episodes are brought to you by The Flash Mob.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, Mulligan Smith meets friends, both old and new, while seeking reasons for good cheer at a mall.

 

Mulligan Smith in Checking It Twice, Part 1 of 1

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

Mulligan SmithThe five-year-old only had one thing on his mind.

“Mom,” he said, “Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom.”

His mother, a red-eyed woman of thirty, was deep into a search of the diaper bag she’d latched to the side of her shopping cart. Within the steel buggy, her other offspring, a baby girl, was crying.

“Mom!” repeated the boy.

“Tyson, if you can’t be quiet for ten minutes while Mommy gets Anna sorted, we’ll skip McDonald’s and head straight home.”

Frowning, the boy drifted to the railing which overlooked the mall’s main set of escalators and gazed angrily at the Christmas throne below. The seat, nestled amongst a cluster of over-sized tree ornaments, remained empty, and the sign which read “back in an hour” was still in place.

“Jerk,” said the child.

In his focused state, he failed to register the two older men also at the rail.

“Yeah, no kidding,” replied Mulligan Smith. The PI was sipping at a slurpee and eying the same holiday arrangement.

Not long previous, the youth had been at the head of a line waiting for photos with the chair’s occupant, but the red-suited man had departed suddenly. His gruff exit had left behind several disappointed children, Tyson amongst them.

Walmart Mike, having run into Smith while off duty and shopping, cleared his throat.

“I was a Santa once. I was doin’ it for a bunch of the guys who hung around the West Side Social Club. I didn’t have kids, so I was the one nominated to wear the suit. I didn’t mind all the ho ho ho shit, really, but afterwards Eddie Coonan asks me if I mind walking Mickey Commiskey’s brat home.

“Does it right in front of the little guy, too. Boy thought I was old man Claus, so what could I do, deny him a chance to have Papa Noel escort him home?

“Full of egg-nog as I was, I said yes. Problem is, about halfway there, the damnedest thing happens: Another Kringle rushes me and grabs my obligation.

“I go sprinting down the alley after him, but I only get maybe ten feet when all of a sudden Jimmy Needles is in front of me. He liked to tell people he was known as Needles for the switchblade he carried, but it was really ‘cause he’d do anything for a plunger’s worth of horse.

“Anyhow, he’s got his sticker, and I can smell his breath – a mix of his rotting innards and the chicken balls he must have had for lunch – then he’s on me me like a sewing machine: jab, jab, jab, jab, jab.”

“I can feel myself full of holes, and I figure I’m a goner. Over Jimmy’s shoulder I can see the impostor hauling off Commiskey’s urchin, and I know that, even if the doctors stitch me up, Mickey’ll just unzip me again.

“Then, all in a rush, I finally managed to pull my .38 from under the huge black belt I was wearing.

“I pop one in the junky’s belly, and the other Claus, who’s just about on the far street, turns to see whats happened.

“I’m thinking I’ve only got seconds till I bleed out, so I go for it – you know, for the kid’s sake.

“I summon all the pissed off I got left, and I cover the distance like an angry Father who’s caught his daughter’s prom date pants-less.

“”You will let that little fucker go or I will climb down your chimney as you sleep, and smother every member of your family.” I say. “I will peel them apart and fry them to a crisp, on your own stove, before serving them to you for breakfast.”

“He must have thought I was serious, or that I was a good shot, cause he let the l’il bastard go and ran.

“It helped that Jimmy was lying on the pavement behind me, screaming, I guess.”

A short-skirted elf in green was returning to the display below, chased by a fat man in red. The pair were giggling.

Mike smirked, then continued.

”Frankly, it’s surprisingly tough to tell how dead you really are. The suit’s stuffing is what saved me. Had some serious soreness after, sure, but I received worse on dates I’d still call a success.

“It was Coonan of course – I’d never had a problem with him, but he must have figured he could get my and Commiskey’s crews into a dog fight, leaving his to scavenge the pieces.

“Needles made it to a hospital, Eddie blew town, and I was fine. Seemed like a Christmas fucking miracle. Years later, though, I learned the kid thought I was the real Santa the whole time.

“Messed him up a bit, but he turned out to be a nice guy.”

The trio stood silent a while, each alone with his own thoughts.

Tyson’s eyes widened.

“Wait – is that man not really Santa either?” he asked.

Smith was discreetly aiming a camera as he replied. “Nah, kid, that’s just a normal idiot who’s about to be served with divorce papers.”

The boy beamed.

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Freesound.org credits:

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to skinner@skinner.fm, or the voicemail line at (206) 338-2792 – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

FC48 – Sherlock

FC48 - Sherlock
[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashCast048.mp3](Download/iTunes)

Hello, and welcome to FlashCast 48 – prepare yourself for owls, murder, a secret lover in the attic, Christmas, and Thomas Blackhall.

* * *

Show-notes to follow ASAP

* * *

Also, many thanks, as always, Retro Jim, of RelicRadio.com for hosting FlashPulp.com and the wiki!

* * *

If you have comments, questions or suggestions, you can find us at https://flashpulp.com, call our voicemail line at (206) 338-2792, or email us text or mp3s to skinner@skinner.fm.

FlashCast is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

FPSE9 – The Last Night Legend

Skinner Co.Welcome to Flash Pulp, special episode nine.

Tonight we present, The Last Night Legend.

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This week’s episodes are brought to you by the Nutty Bites Podcast.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight we bring you a short urban legend concerning young love and the intimacy of technology. To learn more about this urban myth of questionable origin, visit http://wiki.flashpulp.com

 

Flash Pulp SE9 – The Last Night Legend

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

Read more about it at the Flash Pulp Wiki

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to skinner@skinner.fm, or the voicemail line at (206) 338-2792 – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

FP229 – The Draw: a Blackhall Tale, Part 2 of 2

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and twenty nine.

Flash PulpTonight we present, The Draw: a Blackhall Tale, Part 2 of 2.
(Part 1Part 2)
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(RSS / iTunes)

 

This week’s episodes are brought to you by the Nutty Bites Podcast.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, Thomas Blackhall, master frontiersman and student of the occult, puts an end to a long run of odd circumstances.

 

The Draw: a Blackhall Tale, Part 2 of 2

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

Thomas Blackhall“I need to freshen my cup,” said Thomas Blackhall, “and a stretch of my legs might change my fortune.”

“Don’t dally, replied Anders Flaks, “I’ll have left by morning, and you’ll lose your chance to squander your earnings.”

It wasn’t a large barroom, but the frontiersman made the most of his journey. First he moved to the stonework mantle, and stole warmth from the fire, then he sat for a time with the increasingly inebriated gathering of Anders’ former challengers. After letting the eldest, a man named King, complete a fishing tale regarding a bass that had apparently pulled him along an endless river for several days before allowing itself to be caught and eaten, Thomas exchanged words with William, the barkeep.

Finally, he returned to his opponent, passing across a fresh ale to match his own.

“Perhaps a little drink will dull your skills,” Blackhall said.

He wore a tight smile.

“I’ve been victorious from behind mountains of gin bottles, but I appreciate the gesture,” replied Flaks.

Thomas nodded and raised his beverage to his lips, then took up the cards as Anders pulled heavy from his hops.

As he dealt, Blackhall discussed constraint. “I might suggest moderation, sir, as spirits are often the road to ruin. In fact, my very journey to this place was set off by a priest of the name Collins. Well, I suppose it goes further back then that: The hamlet of Montcliff, had taken a collection, largely encouraged by the Father, to build a vessel to ply the great lake.”

As Thomas spoke, Flaks raised his brow, but kept his peace.

“The moneyed gentleman who’d settled the area, and was landlord to most of its inhabitants, had found the work beyond him. He’d absconded, and the district was left to sour under mismanagement from afar. The people of the small community held several meetings, and the decision was made that what little they could pool would be invested in a ferry, with the proceeds reaped by all. So long as the influx of trade from the south continues, such a venture can pay well in short order. Collins had only the best interest of his parishioners at heart when he championed the cause.”

Anders held high a pair of fingers in a bid to exchange his cards, but, with a quick examination of his hand, Blackhall shook it off.

Before continuing his story, Thomas had taken three of the five tricks.

“The fund was to be transported to the shipwright by the father himself. Collins had argued hard against carrying such an earthly load, for his flock knew nothing of his nature – knew nothing of the lust for dicing which had been the impetus for his entry into the priesthood.”

Flaks’ set down the shuffled deck, and retrieved his stein.

“I thought you said it was drink that lead to self-destruction,” he said.

“All axles need grease,” Thomas replied. ”Father Collins imparted the tale to me through his sobs, several pints after he’d lost his trust. The clergyman had done well upon the road, but temptation is a sleight thing when journeying amongst the pines, and quite another in town. Worse, he’d taken to easing his anxiety with wine, and by the time he’d reached society, he’d convinced himself that it would be best – a boon even – if he were to turn his penchant for risk to obtain a quick profit for his beleaguered assembly.

“It was a lucky scoundrel who met such a proposition lurching into the Bucking Pony.

“The game drew quite a few eyes, and when one rascal took an impossible series of throws and won the full pot out from beneath the crowd, tensions flared.”

“Who could have anticipated the arrival of Doc Schofield, the temperance man, and a cluster of matrons, intent on singing away their sins? In shame, Father Collins was the first to bolt, and he was soon followed by the rest. The miscreant simply slipped away in the chaos.

“Do you mean to take the sum back by force then?” asked Flaks. His left hand moved to his money-pouch, while his right hand dipped beneath the table-top.

Thomas raised high his brow. “I make no claims as to its justice, but I’ll not murder you for the funds, no – nor the deaths of the Fultons, nor the dozens of broken and betrayed behind you.”

“Then quit your babble, and present your points.”

Blackhall paused to consider his cards, then began the process of their play.

When all had been counted, Anders found himself defeated a second time.

“Let us double the odds,” he said, “I always win it back in the end anyhow.”

Thomas nodded his assent.

“Most take your talk of being the seventh son of a seventh son as gambler’s patter,” he said, as he laid out his bet, “but I know better. Despite your inescapable good fortune, however, you only seek to misuse your endowment. Your luck has always come at a price – at the expense of those around you.”

“There are plenty of harlots, both here and at home, who squeal odes to my luck,” replied Flaks.

The man spoke through a stiff jaw, and Blackhall judged it a fair moment to hold his own tongue. Instead they both settled into silence, and moved cards and money about the table for some time.

As Anders’ purse shriveled, so did his mood.

“Blast you and your bloody tricks,” he muttered, “- but I always win it back. Just a moment while I see if these fellows can spare some coin. Just one – two – more hands.”

He rose to approach the pair who’d yet to succumb to the lullaby of drink, but Thomas stopped him short.

“Waste no effort,” he said. “I’m a man who can only afford to make his own fortune. I knew how to void your charms. Your taste for spirits hid the concoction which I’d fostered upon the road. To most it would be a curse, as if the universe had deigned to foil the victim at every turn, but, to one with fortune to spare, such as yourself, it will only act to level your advantage.

“I suspect you’ll find the world cruel in the same manner that a beast raised in captivity finds it difficult to navigate the wild once released from the pampering hands of its human benefactors, just know, as you lay in the gutter cursing me, that I had no interest in killing a man in cold blood.”

With that, Thomas collected his hat, and the shipwright’s fee, and stood. He moved to the sleepy-eyed proprietor and invested a small portion of the funds against the debts owed by the defeated inebriates, then departed.

As he stepped from the establishment’s veranda, an odd howling chased Blackhall through the door – it was a staggering, high-pitched squeal: For the first time in his life, Anders Flaks was crying.

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Freesound.org credits:

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to skinner@skinner.fm, or the voicemail line at (206) 338-2792 – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

FP228 – The Draw: a Blackhall Tale, Part 1 of 2

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and twenty eight.

Flash PulpTonight we present, The Draw: a Blackhall Tale, Part 1 of 2.
(Part 1Part 2)
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This week’s episodes are brought to you by the Nutty Bites Podcast.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, Thomas Blackhall, master frontiersman and student of the occult, finds himself playing a troubling game, while recounting a troubling tale.

 

The Draw: a Blackhall Tale, Part 1 of 2

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

Thomas Blackhall“It’s a miserable thing, moving through the snowy woods on foot, with the spruce looming out of the darkness as if the ghosts of giants,” said Blackhall.

He was seated in the front room of an inn, with an untouched ale at his elbow. As Thomas talked, her rearranged the cards in his hand – despite his efforts they held no better value, whatever the configuration.

The partially nude man across the table stroked his pale goatee and nodded. He smiled.

Anders Flaks had made no secret of his confidence at the opening of the game, having declared himself the seventh son of a seventh son, and the offspring of a coupling of his mother and a horseshoe besides.

Blackhall had not questioned how the horseshoe had fathered six others, but the claims were testified to by a string of drunks, leaning ponderously over their cups, who were seated in a distant corner. They had all suffered substantial loses in pursuit of the gambler’s bulging purse, and, as his fortunes had mounted, they’d been responsible for demanding the removal of his jacket and shirt. Although no deceit was thus uncovered, Flaks’ winnings had continued to grow.

Thomas finally relented and exchanged two cards.

“The cabin I came upon was a ragged affair.” he said. “I knew it to be the residence of Susannah and Stanley Fulton, as I’d received ample warning along the road that the Fultons – although shabby due to Stanley’s long absences at the northern lumber camps – were the last friendly fire before a long stretch of swampland. Even at a distance, the lopsided roof’s lack of care was obvious. From within the meager barn, a cow vocalized its extensive complaints, and, as I approached, I discovered a winter sledge which was heavy with wares that had apparently been torn open by the trio of canines which had met me at the treeline.

“It’s well enough, I suppose, that the brutes were well fed, and not looking for a meal.

“The horse-team was nowhere to be seen, though it seemed obvious the process of unloading the goods was cut short. I considered then that a bandit might be lurking, but the snow about the sled revealed only dog tracks.”

His opponent had forgotten his turn at the tale, and Blackhall took the opportunity to wet his tongue before continuing.

“The windows were dark, but, when I tested the door, it gave way easily,” he said. “Within was a woman – beautiful until a musket ball had marred her eye and tooth. She was naked and sitting upon a chair by the cold hearth. As the sun had long abandoned me, I worked up a flame in a scavenged lantern and pushed further into the charnel house.

“Within the chamber which made up the only other room in the house, I found Stanley Fulton, hung with a twisted sheet. He’d left a short note, which read, “My dearest Susannah has betrayed me, but I have gone too far in recompense, and now regret my action. On arriving home on this eve, I discovered her with a stranger upon our bed. As I loaded my weapon, the man made effort to flee, and his distance was such that my first shot went wild. In truth, my transgressor may have been the devil incarnate, as the blast was enough to rile the horses, whose chilled and brittle tack gave way at their sudden start. The naked runner was caught between their leathers, and, as I took my last sight of him, he had somehow pulled himself onto the back of the leftmost mare. If I am to be consigned to hell, allow me at least to greet him at the gates as he arrives, so that I might provide him the same welcome I extended my wife.””

Sitting up, Flaks exchanged a single card.

“A terrible scene indeed,” he said, ”but perhaps she only found what she deserved. It sounds, though, as if the rascal had quite a near escape.”

“Aye,” replied Thomas, “He was lucky to have found such as Mrs. Fulton, and lucky in his departure.”

“You must have been quick to make your own exit?” asked Anders.

“I had few choices. It was too late to make camp elsewhere, and I’ve no fear of the dead.”

“You didn’t put them outside then?”

“It was their house, after all,” replied Blackhall, “and I’d no interest in waking to find them half-eaten.”

“Whatever the case, it was cozy enough once I’d lit a fire and moved Susannah. At dawn I rose and closed the door tightly behind me, as the ground’s too frozen for burials, and a pyre might go against their wishes.”

The pair fell silent then, as another round of bidding was turned away by Flaks, the dealer, and the tricks were played in short order.

Thomas took only one.

When all was counted, the frontiersman had lost a sum larger than the late Stanley might have hoped to earn in a week.

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Freesound.org credits:

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to skinner@skinner.fm, or the voicemail line at (206) 338-2792 – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

FC47 – Spielbergian Whimsy

FC47 - Spielbergian Whimsy
[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashCast047.mp3](Download/iTunes)

Hello, and welcome to FlashCast 47 – prepare yourself for flying dragons, the unfortunate Ms. Marvel, poorly timed noises, a salty Christmas tale, axe murder, and Mulligan Smith.

* * *

Pulp-ular Press

[youtube_sc url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxSGpCOtkSc]
[youtube_sc url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUlv5FCqpeo]
Godzilla Christmas Tree

 

* * *

A Spot of Bother:

Find Jeff at @PleaseLynchMe or at the Spot of Bother Blog

Read more at his site.
Bothersome prop

* * *

Fresh Fish, with Threedayfish

Contact Fish at his Facebook Page or on Twitter.

This week’s review, The Sitter

[youtube_sc url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYvj9J0GLsU]

* * *

New York Minute:

Find Barry at http://bmj2k.com or on twitter
NY's Dynamite Subway System

* * *

Curious Tales of Vienna:

Find Ingrid at Dancing Ella’s WordsViennese Legends

The Devil’s Sleigh Ride

The Devil's Sleigh Ride

* * *

A Captain Pigheart Tale

Find Nick/Pigheart at http://captainpigheart.com
Captain Pigheart

* * *

Mailbag:

* * *

Art of Narration:

  • Opop discussed Skinner Co. Ink!
  • * * *

    Audio-dacity of Hope:

  • Jessica May completed her song for Mob Week: New York, New York
  • * * *

    Backroom Plots:

  • FP226 – Mulligan Smith in The Late Call, Part 1 of 1
  • FP227 – Close, Part 1 of 1
  • * * *

    Also, many thanks, as always, Retro Jim, of RelicRadio.com for hosting FlashPulp.com and the wiki!

    * * *

    If you have comments, questions or suggestions, you can find us at https://flashpulp.com, call our voicemail line at (206) 338-2792, or email us text or mp3s to skinner@skinner.fm.

    FlashCast is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

    FP227 – Close, Part 1 of 1

    Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and twenty seven.

    Flash PulpTonight we present, Close, Part 1 of 1.

    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp227.mp3]Download MP3
    (RSS / iTunes)

     

    This week’s episodes are brought to you by the Saturday B Movie Reel Podcast.

     

    Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

    Tonight, we present a chiller tale of conversion, communication, and cataclysm.

     

    Close, Part 1 of 1

    Written by J.R.D. Skinner
    Art and Narration by Opopanax
    and Audio produced by Jessica May

     

    Chiller“Get back in here and let me hold you,” said Bradley Owens.

    He’d slept poorly, as his dreams had been filled with the sound of snapping bones, and Nora Rhodes, his girlfriend, was attempting to console him while adjusting her suit-jacket at the bedroom’s full length mirror.

    “I’m really sorry about your nightmares, monkey. I’m getting worried about you – you should see Doctor Henley.”

    “Nah, I’m fine,” he replied from the bed. “It’s only happened since you got back from Canada, so maybe my brain is telling me it’s time to trick you into a wedding.”

    “Why don’t you call in sick and catch a nap? Watch some Price is Right?”

    “Hey, we can’t all be oil tycoons, and I’ve got bills to pay.”

    In truth, his call center employment covered little of his expenditure – it was Nora’s progression onto the lower rungs of Shell’s management ladder that paid the majority of the couple’s debts.

    “I can spot you some cash for your half of rent, sugar daddy,” she said. ”You should just quit anyhow, and accept my job offer as full time gigolo.”

    Her smile was enough to finally make Bradley sit up.

    He threw back the sheets in invitation.

    “Aww, I was just kidding.” she replied, “I’ve got meetings about the northern project. Perhaps you ARE all right for work, though?”

    He chased her to the door and kissed her goodbye.

    * * *

    In the early hours of the following Thursday, Owens was brought awake through the agitation of a repeated poke to his chest. He hadn’t moved at first, thinking it was another strange dream, but the prodding persisted.

    The couple were spooning beneath their white comforter, making it impossible for Bradley to visually confirm what his tactile senses appeared to be telling him: That Nora’s ribs were shifting beneath the surface, and rearranging themselves about her spinal cord.

    He jerked away.

    “What’s wrong, monks?” came Nora’s sleepy voice.

    He didn’t reply, and her breathing soon returned to its slumbering rhythm.

    Once confident that she would remain asleep, he crept to the couch and pulled the decorative Navajo blanket over his cold legs.

    * * *

    He’d fallen asleep rehearsing his conversation, but, in the day light, he felt his claims seemed stupid. Instead, he sheepishly answered Nora’s questions by saying that he’d been disturbed by a nightmare, and had thought a change of rooms might help.

    After the second night of such behaviour, she made him a doctor’s appointment.

    * * *

    A week later, they were nibbling pancakes at the breakfast table.

    It was rare that Nora had an opportunity to sample her boyfriend’s cooking, and she was working hard to enjoy it. Still, she was impressed at the effort.

    The pills must be helping,” she said, “you look sharp today – not too often that I’m lounging in my PJs while you’re all put together and ready to face the world.”

    Henley had been more than happy to prescribe Bradley a tub of Ambien, and they’d briefly given him respite, but the idea of what might be happening during his unconscious hours had begun to haunt his waking thoughts.

    Even as he watched her eat, he wondered if the flexing in her neck was the result of her chewing, or a secret transformation taking place beneath her skin.

    Having finished washing the cookware, making the bed, and sweeping the kitchen floor, the infrequent-chef approached the small round table they’d picked out together, at IKEA, and stated his intentions in a single exhalation.

    “You’re wonderful and I love you, it’s all me, but things are fucking weird and I can’t handle it anymore – goodbye.”

    He was closing the door behind him before Nora could muster a reply.

    * * *

    By Saturday, Bradley’s friend, Miguel, was considerably less friendly, and Miguel’s couch was seeming considerably less comfortable.

    As he staggered from a shift he’d only taken to avoid having to deal with Miguel’s girlfriend, the heavy-hearted call center employee attempted to clear his head, and considered his immediate options: A quarter-hour wait would put him on a bus back to the un-orthopedic sofa, but a half-hour wait would send him towards the nearest movie theater.

    When Nora pulled up to the curb, some ten minutes later, he was still standing at the stop, undecided.

    “Hi,” she said.

    He turned, and a smile briefly lit his face – then he reversed a step.

    “Hey,” he replied.

    They both silently watched as a red hatchback passed.

    “I miss you,” said Nora, once the vehicle’s taillights had disappeared around the corner. “I don’t – I don’t want you to think of it as a bribe, but I’d already bought them before you left, and they’re non-refundable.”

    She produced a folding pamphlet, inside of which were two tickets for a Carnival cruise to tour the Alaskan coast.

    He shuffled the paperwork around for a moment, but no words seemed to come to his lips.

    His considerations were cut short by the Eighty-Five Express’ screeching tires.

    “Let me think about it,” he answered, mounting the steps that would take him back to the cramped couch.

    While he stared into the knotted hair of the whisky-smelling homeless woman in next seat, he made up his mind. He’d never seen the pacific, and his memories were fuzzy now. They were likely just bad dreams – and, besides, he missed her.

    * * *

    The doctor’s pills served Bradley well the first night, and a day’s worth of champagne consumed while walking about the ship had left Bradley feeling warm and comfortable.

    His manic need to explore, combined with his early call to drink, had left him exhausted by supper, and the pair had finally retreated to the balcony on their private suite.

    It was the first time, besides their quick fade into unconsciousness the night previous, that they were alone in the cabin.

    Falling into old patterns, Bradley pulled off his shirt. At odd times throughout the day, he’d caught whiffs of Nora’s perfume on the salty breeze, and the liquor had deadened the remainder of his inhibitions.

    “Are you sure?” she asked. “We haven’t really talked about anything – you seemed so confident about leaving.”

    “I missed you,” he replied.

    Nora stood for a moment, biting her lip, then turned.

    “I feel crusty,” she said. “I need a shower. Make sure you’re sure while I’m gone.”

    When she returned, he was nude, and passed out under the sheets. Dropping her towel, she crawled into bed beside him, and turned out the light.

    * * *

    As they slept, Bradley’s hand found its way about her belly. Over time, his body shifted itself from habit, until he was holding her close.

    He awoke suddenly, with his chest aching as if he’d been punched.

    He pushed away from her, with a moan, but his hand encountered a gooey mass where he’d expected solid ribs – he was reminded of childhood experiences with Play-Doh as his fingers sunk into her back.

    Before he could retreat, he felt a tearing as the pliable flesh seemed to snag against bone, and the bed was suddenly filled with a warm gush of liquid.

    The couple lept to their feet, both now fully awake.

    Nora’s flesh hung as if empty. Her bone structure had been greatly compacted, so that only her shoulders and hips gave her width, and her flapping husk moved like damp cloth in a high wind as she began weeping.

    “What the hell!?” asked Bradley.

    “I thought you knew!” she replied, “I thought you were fighting for us! I mean, the changes were so obvious – you never wanted to talk about it, so I figured you were nobly trying to fucking deal with it. I may not understand what’s happening, but I know I love you!”

    He could not hear her response through his panic.

    As she approached, seeking comfort, he backed away, until he found himself against the sliding balcony door. Unthinking, he opened it, and continued his slow escape.

    When he could retreat no further, she closed the distance with her spindle-arms bowed and grasping.

    The sharp prod of cartilage, and the feeling of being smothered in a blanket of loose skin made damp be the sea mist, was enough to throw Bradley’s mind into a frenzy. In attempting to disengage from her, however, he found himself falling through the air.

    His descent was stopped in a cold splash.

    Bradley’s body tensed at the shock, and he realized he was sinking into the frigid waters.

    His mouth filled with the taste of salt.

    A pinching hand closed around his own, and, seconds later, he felt Nora’s strength pull him to the surface.

    As he gasped for breath, he drew her close, seeking her warmth amongst the frothing chill of the ocean.

     

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