Lurid Photography
I noticed an odd confluence of random items in my garage, so I thought I’d attempt a bit of a visual story in one frame.
Category: goo brain
The Thin Blue Period
I’ve little time for commentary, but I just stumbled across a fun fact regarding Pablo Picasso – from the wikipedia:
[Poet Guillaume] Apollinaire was arrested on suspicion of stealing the Mona Lisa from the Louvre in 1911. Apollinaire pointed to his friend Picasso, who was also brought in for questioning, but both were later exonerated.
Why has no one created a failed-pilot for a television show revolving around famous painters, falsely accused of art-related crimes, who operate as underground vigilantes in an effort to clear themselves?
I can see it now:
“I’ll run a spatter analysis,” says Jackson Pollock, deploying CSI-style UV lights.
“Maybe it’s just me,” Claude Monet replies, putting on sunglasses, “but I get the impression that this is MURDER. Seriously – look at those colours. Atrocious.”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoPWALM2riQ]
Having Kittens
I don’t usually hold with Caturday traditions, but I ran across a new article on science rock-star Betsy Dresser, and her gene bank operations, which I thought was worth mentioning.
(The felines in this post’s photos are African Black-Footed cats, but are not of the litter discussed below.)
The latest rare wildcat kittens at a New Orleans conservation center were born from embryos frozen before Hurricane Katrina.
The two male African black-footed cats are among the world’s smallest felines. They’ll grow to about one-third the size of the average housecat.
What caught my eye was the combination of easy transportation/storage, and the fact that these mini-leopards are 1/3rd the size of most housecats.
Fact: people love things that are tiny.
Will the African Black-Footed Cat be the boutique pet of tomorrow? Is this the next step towards genetic engineering for the masses?
Scientists in Omaha, Neb., collected and froze the father’s sperm in 2003. At the Audubon Center for Research of Endangered Species, it was combined in March 2005 with eggs from a black-footed cat in the center’s collection.
The embryos were kept frozen until December. On Dec. 7, the thawed embryo was implanted into a second female black-footed cat. The kittens, which don’t yet have names, were born Feb. 13.
The Wall Of Death
In the early 1900s, vehicles were beginning to achieve speeds that would allow them to defy gravitational forces, and, by the ’30s, exhibitions known as “walls of death” were becoming increasingly popular.
Like any entertainment that sees a market over-saturation, the drivers began to feel a need to push the limits of the sport – as such, they moved to the next logical step: introducing lions into the process.
With over a hundred walls of death traveling the US by the 1930s, perhaps the coolest version was the ‘Liondrome’ in which a rider is accompanied by a tamed lion.
Over the years, animal abuse laws, and simple repetition, have caused the practice to dwindle. However, you can still find the act, without the giant-cat, being performed in rural county fairs, and other locations where life is cheap.
Our Terrifying Future: Working Stiffs
No slavery can be abolished without a double emancipation, and the master will benefit by freedom more than the freed-man.
– Thomas Huxley
Below is a test for the Geminoid DK, a facial replica of Professor Henrik Scharfe, from Denmark’s Aalborg University. My understanding is that this was recorded early in the test cycle, and that the project is now focused on smoothing the bot’s motion out for a more natural feel.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZlLNVmaPbM]
Next, as those who’ve been reading the site a while already know, is the Petman, from my main roboticist-crushes, Boston Dynamics – the same people bringing us robotic attack kitties.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ja_UsmXVPVk]
Interestingly, coinciding with their cheetah announcement, BD was also awarded a contract for a project named Atlas, a humanoid robot. While I can’t seem to locate a specified end-goal for the Atlas project, I suspect from the name that it’s meant as an agile carry-bot, a metal-man to hold the baggage while combat troops go about their major preoccupation of pointing guns at people.
Atlas’s predecessor, PETMAN, was built to test out chemical weapons protective suits for the Army by “walking, crawling and doing a variety of suit-stressing calisthenics” and “simulat[ing] human physiology.” – homelandsecuritynewswire.com
The thing is, though, that we’re eerily close – maybe not in ten years, but definitely in my lifetime.
People tend to project a lot of their own humanity onto non-living objects, and I’m left to wonder if I’ll name the unit that assists me in getting in and out of bed when I’m an old man.
That may seem like a bit of a leap, but this sort of technology tends to follow a relatively reliable chain: the military funds the research, law enforcement & fire departments adopt it, then it becomes a matter of public use.
How will we feel about having finally made true the old science fiction trope of the flabby masters ruling over a physically superior group of workers? I suspect a new breed of inferiority complex will spring up, but, on the other hand, our houses will be very tidy.
I also suspect market penetration will run something like the old TV and radio days. While we’ll have certainly heard of their military uses, our first live interaction with Son-Of-Atlas will likely involve passing a unit on the street as it’s walking its owner’s poodle. Next will come professional services, (Rent-a-Maidroid,) and then, eventually, it will be a matter of, “What, you guys don’t have a dishwasher robotic slave?”
Slave may sound like a harsh term, but there will definitely be some level of class system.
If you think it’s tough trying to get a bottle of hand-lotion onto an airplane, wait till you try and board with your automated man-servant. When your local bartender informs you that “we don’t serve their kind here,” you’ll have to accept it – you’d no more want a patron with a loaded gun in one hand, and a bottle of whiskey in the other, than you’d want a hyper-powerful neck-snapper, with a head full of buggy military software pirated from the internet, at the beck and call of an ill-tempered drunk.
It’s just a matter of time; how will you treat the drudge that is likely to out-survive you?
Internet Snapshot
A screenshot from govcentral.monster.com – where people go to find employment amongst America’s critical functions:
I guess potential employees need to be kept abreast of the latest CIA projects.
Also, while I’m throwing out screen-grabs, here’s one I found yesterday while visiting one of my favourite census data sites. It’s a Google ad regarding a service that, honestly, I wasn’t aware there was a demand for:
– and to think, up till now I’ve been searching for ghetto baby names one engine at a time!
Our Terrifying Future: More Robo-Kitten
It wasn’t long ago that I discussed the robotic cheetahs being developed by Boston Dynamics, but it only just occurred to me that there’s no reason they couldn’t build a mountable version.
One possible future: at an American combat base, dawn is just clearing the Afghani mountains and shedding some light on the already ongoing firefight between US and Taliban forces. The chips are down; the Americans are well armed, but heavily outnumbered, and they know the mujahideen are preparing for a final push.
After many frantic radio requests, salvation finally arrives – from the mountain pass comes a terrible grinding, then, roaring through the dust, cavalry saddled on mechanical panthers flood the scene.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QMaS4pB9rw]
Alternatively: the sun is beating down on Juan Munoz, fourteen, as he attempts to escape the nation whose problems have killed his older brothers, left his sisters in ruin, and shattered the heart of his mother.
A bad landing while jumping a fence has slowed him, and the stink of the river he was forced to wade has stuck to him, even if the cooling moisture has not – still, he reflects with a smile, he is nearly there.
That’s when he spots the monster.
A six-foot-long beast, with a man on its back, trots a long circle around his position, eying him. Before the boy can move to evade, the thing wheels on him, closing the distance in the blink of a motorized eye.
It will be another hour, with his leg held awkwardly in the mouth of the feline automaton, until further Border Patrol agents arrive to process his capture.
The Best We Can Hope For (The Hitler's Mustache Problem)
The ephemera that remains visible in popular culture sometimes seems haphazard and nonsensical.
Consider: I’ve played World War II inspired video games in which it’s a perfectly feasible option to play as a Nazi soldier. I have, on certain evenings, taken great enjoyment in cutting swathes through squads of Allied troops. If it were a matter of political allegiance I’d be weeping, but, instead, I enjoy it. The mechanics of the game are engaging enough, and the interface is cartoonish enough, that I’m willing to ignore the unpleasant truth that I’m playing as a representative of a group responsible for killing millions of people – including those who fought and died for my own freedom.
Also consider: No one can wear a Hitler mustache. The details of his face may be fuzzy in the minds of many, but all know his mustache, and even people with the fortitude to digitally sling a digital German rifle cringe at the idea of shaving down to the facial hair of a mass-murderer.
Did I mention that this is a post regarding the phrase, “the birds and the bees”?
Cole Porter, in 1928, wrote a song called “Let’s Do It (Let’s Fall In Love)”, which goes a little something like this:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WppnwuXwkjk]
We think of this style of song largely as camp these days; we don’t consider the era in which they were created, or the effect that they may have had. Porter remains beloved in the types of circles that collect fat and dusty records, but is mostly forgotten by the rest of the world – and yet he may have left us with one of the most recognizable idioms in the English language.
Several sources give credit to Cole Porter for coining the phrase[, the birds and the bees]. One of the legendary musician’s more famous songs was “Let’s Do It, Let’s Fall in Love.” The 1928 standard contains the lyrics:
And that’s why birds do it, bees do it
Even educated fleas do it
Let’s do it, let’s fall in love
We don’t consider the social revolution that was “Love For Sale”, forcing upper-society to deal with the fact that streetwalkers were a prevalent, and human, underbelly to the city of New York, (and all over America.)
“Love for Sale” was originally considered in bad taste, even scandalous. In the initial Broadway production, it was performed by Kathryn Crawford, portraying a streetwalker, with three girlfriends […] in front of Reuben’s, a popular restaurant of the time. As a response to the criticism, the song was transferred from the white Crawford to the African American singer Elisabeth Welch, who sang with back-up singers in a scene set in front of Harlem’s Cotton Club.
Despite the fact the song was banned from radio airplay, or perhaps because of it, it became a hit[.]
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll1Z-Z9anpU]
Appetising young love for sale.
If you want to buy my wares.
Follow me and climb the stairs
I’d find even MIA or Gaga hard pressed to put out those lines – yet the closest we can get to retaining anything from Porter’s career is the baby talk we use to discuss intimate matters with children, inspired by a song as directly about sexual intercourse as we probably had till the release of Afternoon Delight.
Electric eels, I might add, do it
Though it shocks em I know
Why ask if shad do it – Waiter bring me
“shad roe”In shallow shoals English soles do it
Goldfish in the privacy of bowls do it
Let’s do it, let’s fall in love
The legacy we intend is rarely the one we receive, and often the shorthand we use socially (crazy mustache = crazy war monger, naughty song = sexy time,) can carry on even after its origin has begun to fade from public memory.
Two Heads, No Teeth
While poking around the other day, I came across the Amphisbaena, a mythical two headed snake.
(Not to be confused with Paula Abdul’s own cold hearted reptile.)
The amphisbaena has a twin head, that is one at the tail end as well, as though it were not enough for poison to be poured out of one mouth.
-Pliny the Elder. Naturalis Historia, ca. 77 AD
This may seem immediately ridiculous, but the truth is that this description may also fall into the “as seen while running away” category.
Behold, the Indian Sand Boa:
In this case the supposed dual-head isn’t of magical origin – its tail acts as a bit of camouflage, so that predators attack its non-critical rear, and not its noggin.
Of course, humanity, always eager to improve on deception, made use of the idea:
As tribute to the effectiveness of this display, many wild caught adults have scarred tails. Indian snake charmers will also disfigure the snakes tail to look more like the head and advertise them to their clients as “two-headed” snakes.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gScBzmKXTE]
Still, it’s worth pointing out that Sand Boas and snake charmers actually have quite a bit in common – both use trickery in their own defense.
More drastic means of protection include removing the creature’s fangs or venom glands, or even sewing the snake’s mouth shut.
Science Generation
In 2008, scientists at the Audubon Center for Research of Endangered Species found themselves the proud surrogate-parents of Mr Green Genes, above.
They modified his DNA to see if a gene could be introduced harmlessly into an animal’s genetic sequence.
To track where the gene went, they decided to use one that glowed under ultraviolet light.
The particular gene in question, known as green fluorescence protein, is likely to express itself in mucous membranes – hence his freakish mouth and ears. – The Daily Mail
This was just the beginning of a larger plan, however, and the center has recently built on the research with a follow-up: Son Of Green Genes.
“When we saw Kermit we all cheered because we knew then that the genes were passed on,” Dr. Dresser said. “Using this trans-genetic model we are hoping to save a lot of these endangered cats by transferring genes that are good genes.” – neworleans.com
That’s right, there’s now a modified breed of cats that will freak out anyone who happens to wave a UV light near them – but so what?
Well, I largely bring it to your attention due to it’s inherent neatness, but also because Dr. Dresser, mentioned above, is, in my opinion, the closest thing we have to a modern mad scientist.
I realize it isn’t the same as having eerie samples in jars, but she maintains a gene bank!
And have you ever heard of a frozen zoo? Inside several metal containers, scientists have preserved the DNA from hundreds of exotic animals. It’s all an effort to save the species from extinction. – neworleans.com
– and, do you recall that disturbing-looking crane-feeding costume I discussed a while ago?
That whole project was the work of Betsy Dresser’s hand!
Oh, go ahead and laugh – but, one evening you’ll be out on a midnight stroll with a loved one, gazing at the ponderous moon and exchanging naughty words, when you’ll hear it in the distance: a tiny mewl.
Seconds later, you’ll be inundated by thousands of glow-in-the-dark attack-kittens, deployed by swarms of specially trained whooping cranes.
Within moments you’ll be gone, devoured by a multitude of rough-tongued mouths, but, somewhere in the distance, Betsy Dresser will be recording the results, and preparing a submission for another research grant.
