Tag: crime

True Crime Tuesday: Sincerest Form of Flattery Edition

Wings 1948
As is likely true of most who enjoy a good true crime tale, I’ve long been interested in the D.B. (Dan) Cooper case – we do love a clever, bloodless, heist.

The thing is, though few details are known about Cooper, much has been recorded on the flurry of imitators who followed. Are there enough known-facts to make a D.B. movie? No – but, I propose to you, the life of Richard McCoy, Jr., not-so-cheap knockoff, is ripe for adaptation.

[Quotes from Wikipedia, though the emphasis is mine.]

McCoy was born December 7, 1942, in the town of Kinston, North Carolina, and grew up in nearby Cove City. In 1962 McCoy moved to Provo, Utah, and enrolled at Brigham Young University (BYU) before dropping out to serve a two-year tour of duty in the Army. He served in Vietnam as a demolition expert and pilot and was awarded the Purple Heart in 1964.

In 1965 McCoy returned to BYU, where he met Karen Burns. They married in August 1965 in Raleigh. By 1971 they had two children, Chanti and Richard.

A hero! A family man! A graduate of feasibly the most pious school in America! So clean cut you could cut yourself on his chin – and that’s not all!

McCoy served another term in the Army on the condition he go to Vietnam, where he was awarded both the Army Commendation Medal and Distinguished Flying Cross. Upon returning to Utah, he served as a warrant officer in the Utah National Guard and was an avid skydiver.

McCoy taught Mormon Sunday school and studied law enforcement at BYU. His purported dream was to become an FBI or CIA agent.

Clearly a man on his way to a life of crime, right?

On April 7, 1972, McCoy boarded United Airlines Flight 855 under the alias “James Johnson” during a stopover in Denver, Colorado. The aircraft was a Boeing 727 with aft stairs (the same equipment used in the D. B. Cooper incident), via which McCoy escaped in mid-flight by parachute after giving the crew similar instructions as Cooper had. McCoy had obtained a $500,000 cash ransom, and carried a novelty hand-grenade and an empty pistol.

Police began investigating McCoy following a tip from a motorist. The driver had picked up McCoy hitch-hiking at a fast-food restaurant, where McCoy was wearing a jumpsuit and carrying a duffel bag. McCoy also had described to an acquaintance how easy it would be to carry out such a hijacking.

I can only assume he was bragging to one of the kids at Sunday school.

Following fingerprint and handwriting matches, McCoy was arrested two days after the hijacking. Ironically, McCoy was on National Guard duty flying one of the helicopters involved in the search for the hijacker. Inside his house, FBI agents found a jumpsuit and a duffel bag filled with cash totaling $499,970.

That’s right: He spent, at most, $30.

Little did the Feds know, however, that they’d essentially captured a member of the A-Team.

McCoy claimed innocence, but was convicted of the hijacking and received a 45-year sentence. Once incarcerated at the Federal penitentiary at Lewisburg, Pennsylvania, McCoy used his access to the prison’s dental office to fashion a fake handgun out of dental paste[.] He and a crew of convicts escaped on August 10, 1974 by commandeering a garbage truck and crashing it through the prison’s main gate.

As with most outlaw pulp tales told in the 1970’s, however, things did not end well. Still, McCoy lived the archetype to the last.

Three months later the FBI located McCoy in Virginia Beach, Virginia. News reports stated that on November 9, 1974, McCoy walked into his home and was met by FBI agents; he fired at them, and an agent fired back with a shotgun, killing McCoy.

Doc Savage March 1936

FP307 – Mulligan Smith in The Patient, Part 1 of 1

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode three hundred and seven.

Flash PulpTonight we present Mulligan Smith in The Patient, Part 1 of 1

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(RSS / iTunes)

 

This week’s episodes are brought to you by the Nutty Bites podcast.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, our private investigator, Mulligan Smith, is confronted by raised voices, and fists, while loitering in a nursing home.

 

Mulligan Smith in The Patient

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

The first, the cousin, came at lunch, six hours into Mulligan’s vigil.

He was unexpected, but Smith simply assumed that he wasn’t the only one with a friend at the front desk, and that a nurse coming onto shift had called in the tip-off.

Mulligan SmithThe PI’s back ached – he’d been sitting, unmoving, in the uncomfortable green chair since his arrival – and any good mood he might’ve begun the undertaking with was lost somewhere in the fourth still hour.

The building was too cold, especially given the adjustable hospital bed’s frail occupant. The old woman, her gaze locked on the ceiling, weighed no more than a hundred pounds, and that, the detective reflected, was with the generous inclusion of the single thin sheet she’d been assigned.

Mulligan had wrangled some extra bedding from Bubba, the friendly nurse, but he’d also made a note to tack the cost of a thick blanket onto his expenses – he knew his client wouldn’t mind.

Despite the act of kindness, the cousin’s lips had curled back from his stout face, and his perfect teeth were bared.

After receiving no reaction, the newcomer forced a conclusion through his locked jaw.

“You don’t belong in here,” he said.

“Well, frankly,” answered Smith, “no one belongs in here.”

“I mean in this room specifically, smartass.”

“Huh.”

The silence that had been threatening to lull Mulligan into a nap again descended. He considered pulling up his sweater’s hood as a final act of dismissal, but decided that causing further trouble would only be a hinderance.

Besides, the annoyance was already easy enough to read on the cousin’s face.

The stranger took a step over the threshold, and the PI perked a brow. The interest was for naught, however, as the man turned back to the hall, clearly determined to find security, or at least a strong-voiced caretaker, to turn Smith out.

Mulligan knew he wouldn’t find anyone willing to do it.

He continued to sit, his phone in hand and his spine at an awkward angle.

* * *

The next to arrive was the daughter.

He knew she was coming well before setting eyes on her: The gurgled weeping that had echoed along the cream linoleum and yellowing dropped ceiling had announced her entrance as thoroughly as any trumpet.

Once her wailing had fully entered the small chamber, she asked, “why are you bothering my mother?”

The daughter was sharp-chinned, and her fingernails were encrusted in bejeweled polish in such a way as is only maintainable by the dedicated and those who never use their hands for anything more difficult than lifting a glass of Pinot.

She did not strike Mulligan as particularly dedicated.

With a sigh, Smith replied, “I’m not bothering her, but, to answer your actual question – why am I here – I’m being paid to be.”

“Did Dad send you? I want nothing to do with him, and neither does she.”

“Nope.”

“Why are you doing this to us? To me? Don’t you think it’s hard enough to watch the most important person in your life slip away like this?”

Each question was accompanied by a wavering sob, and the full phrasing was punctuated by stuttered series of gasping inhalations.

Mulligan cleared his throat. “I think you mean the richest person in your life – do you find it cold in here?”

“What?”

“You know, chilly. Frosty.”

“I guess?” asked the newest intruder.

Smith’s shoulders rose and fell.

“Seems like a lady who worked that hard is entitled to some warmth,” he said, then he returned to staring at the corner across the room from his unyielding armchair.

“Oh, yes, yes, she deserves so much better,” came the answer. “She had so much left to teach me, there are so many places we should have had the chance to go to together.”

“So why don’t you use some of that bank account she’s dying on top of to move her out of this dump? I happen to know there’s a decent place less than three blocks from your house, Amanda. You made good time getting here though.”

Daughter Amanda’s voice changed gears into half-whispered accusation. “Who’s paying you? Why?”

Her cheeks were suddenly dry.

“Elnora Solomon, MD,” replied Mulligan, though he didn’t bother to shift his view.

“The doctor who diagnosed Mother? We haven’t seen her in two years! What could she possibly want?”

Smith offered up a second shrug, and the drone of the home’s occupants shuffling outside the door became the only noise.

When it was obvious Mulligan was content to simply sit in silence, Amanda announced that she was calling the police, then she departed.

With a roll of her eyes, the long-inert mother shouted “seventy-two,” then returned to silence.

* * *

Three hours later, the son appeared.

His collar was loose, his jacket low on his neck, and his breath was sharp with the stink of hops.

“Hello, Allen,” Smith said as welcome.

Allen’s reputation was shaky at best amongst the patrons of the sports bar he frequented, and Mulligan knew to expect raised fists.

The tall man did not disappoint.

“You’re going to start a fight in a nursing home? In front of your mother?” asked Mulligan. “Listen, I’m guessing you just got off work, so you stopped by some place on the way and had a bit out of the tap to help straighten your back before kicking my ass, right? You start a punch-up, though, and the cops will come. They’ll smell the Miller time, and I’ll tell them whatever I damn well please, because they’ll believe my word over a drunk’s.”

It was enough to bring Allen’s approach to a stop, but it did not stall his fury.

“What kind of shit is Dad pulling? Is he making a play for my share of the will? What’s his angle? Whatever it is, how can he be thinking about money at a time like this?

“Hell, you can go back to him and tell him he won’t be getting crap all more. I’ve got lawyers on it.”

“Lawyers? Sounds like you’ve been thinking about money at a time like this,” replied Mulligan.

“Six thousand, four hundred and ninety-six,” gasped the bedridden woman.

Smith nodded.

“When Doctor Solomon moved,” he said, “you sure were quick to get Ma into low-rent old folk storage. I understand that it only took you two doctors to come up with a declaration that she was nothing but a husk waiting for death, which must have eased your conscience a bit.

“Thing is, Parkinsons takes a long time to kill a person, and it doesn’t do it in a terribly fun way.

“I was in here yesterday, talking to the nurses, and a big guy named Bubba tells me he sometimes thinks she’s more with-it than she appears, because he’s seen her say things that seem related to what’s going on around her, only way after the events have happened.

“That got me thinking. This morning I came in early – I knew I might need a lot of time – and I asked her what her name was.

“Took her thirty-six minutes to reply, and then I realized that I’d forgotten to turn on my phone’s recording app.

“I apologized and asked if she could repeat it. Forty-two minutes later she said, ‘it’s ok, I’m Deb.'”

Allen looked to his mother, then back to Smith.

With his fists tight, he asked, “what are you getting at?”

“I was hired because the Doc felt your mother’s descent was too quick. Maybe you’re a bad son, and maybe you shopped around for the shortest route between here and her tombstone for the money – I couldn’t tell from how far I’d poked around.

“What I did unexpectedly discover, however, is that she’s still in there, she just can’t get it out. She knows her name, age, the current president, and she just answered a math question I had to use a calculator to verify.

“I’m no doctor, but it seems I’ve made something of a breakthrough in her treatment. I’m no lawyer, either, but I suspect today proves she’s cognizant enough to make her own decisions on what to do with her money – be that her will, or getting transferred out of here, or having the stream of high-powered drugs she’s being fed re-examined.

“I was just trying to prove a theory, but you and your family really provided the icing – all that weeping and threatening and lawyer talk isn’t going to play well with a judge, I suspect.

“It’d play even worse if anything happened to your beloved matriarch between now and her day in court.”

Smith stood. His legs were stiff but he forced himself towards the door, saying, “hey Bubba!”

Before Allen realized there was no one in the hall beyond, and that he truly did want to hit the hoodie-wearing man, the detective was gone.

Twenty-seven minutes later, the mother said, “finally.”

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Freesound.org credits:

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

FP305 – Machined: a Collective Detective Chronicle, Part 1 of 1

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode three hundred and five.

Flash PulpTonight we present Machined: a Collective Detective Chronicle, Part 1 of 1

[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp305.mp3]Download MP3
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This week’s episodes are brought to you by the The Hollywood Outsider.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight we present a tale of digital detection and online exposure, of death, defeats, and endings.

 

Machined: a Collective Detective Chronicle

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

As she stepped forward, GoJo was feeling as if the auditorium had doubled in size since she’d shuffled through the backstage area.

She wasn’t used to wearing anything heavier than a t-shirt, and the suit jacket her mom had talked her into had brought on a sweat well before she was roasting beneath the theater lights.

Without thinking she put on the same fake smile she carried through family gatherings, but, when the familiar first slide flickered into view, the grin edged on genuine.

Skinner Co.“Hello,” she said, “my name is Josette Yates. I flew here from Michigan, but, like the rest of you, I’ve really come from the internet.”

Her delivery caught a few smirks, but the audience was generally silent.

”I’m part of The Collective Detective – do I have any fellow Editors out there? Any contributors?”

That raised some clapping, and a rear-row response that was garbled by the time it reached the stage.

She moved on, hoping it was something positive.

“Well, for those who aren’t so familiar: We’re researchers who use the mistakenly released archive of Internet traffic from the Bush-era tapping to look into unsolved crimes. We deal mainly in homicides, but there’s a small group of us who experiment in our spare time with looking for fraud.

“A hobby in our hobby, if you will.

“Sometimes we find things the police missed; sometimes we get lucky; most often, though, we come up empty handed.

The slides, which had gone from the proper spelling of her name to a vague structural chart of the organization, now stopped on a puffy-faced man. He might have been mistaken for a younger, plumper, Nicolas Cage.

“Do you know this guy?” she asked the crowd.

Several answers were shouted back, and she assumed one was correct.

“That’s right,” she continued, “it’s tech wonder Byron Newman – you may be familiar with his prolific social media updates, his savvy venture capital investments, his extensive complaints about poor design, or his surprisingly encouraging private correspondence – but, do you know THIS guy?”

Another puffy-faced man, bearded and mistakable as only perhaps a vagrant.

“This poor fella is Norris Barker, and at the time of the photo, he was caught up in a con game. Now, as I said, fraud isn’t really what the Collective focuses on. Murder is our business.

“Still, there are a few of us who like to dig through the archives with pattern matching software, just to see what we might stumble across. You’d be surprised how many former Nigerian ministers live in the US.

“In 2007, Norris was in love. He’d met a woman online, Sherry, who he spent hours exchanging emails, texts, tweets, and private moments with daily. She was a married woman, but her husband was a horrible sort. He was a systems administrator for the DMV, and always ready to leap to the keys to sooth her.”

The projected image shifted and a young Byron Newman filled the screen.

“Before I can explain 2007, though, I first have to go back to 1999. Our guru was three years out of university and full of ideas. Better yet, he’d managed to position himself on top of a mountain of cash, and was working with Big Thoughts Inc. in a converted Victorian house in San Francisco.

“He’d coaxed his small team into writing millions of lines of code, and he was well on his way to living his legendary no-sleep lifestyle.

“Six months later, though, the funding was gone – just as it was for every pie-in-the-sky project of the time.

“They did their best to license their technology to stay afloat. They’d built an advanced linguistics program, and they tried to cram it into being an automatic help agent for websites. You know, a box pops up with: ‘Hi, I’m Maria, how may I help you?’

”It would have been an easy task for the completed program, but the system hadn’t been designed to be dumbed down.

“They were all fired before it was finished.”

The presentation faded to a screenshot of the Wall Street Journal’s website pronouncing Big Think dead.

After allowing a beat to build dramatic tension, GoJo continued.

“Byron didn’t stop though. He saved a hard drive from the inevitable liquidation sale and brought it home, then started a race with his severance package.

“You can see his time disappear like a shadow in the logs. His porn browsing goes down, he stops searching for any sort of game walkthroughs, he even drops out of most of his forums, where he’d built up a reputation as something of a forward-thinking tech pundit.

“Two years later, with his benefits long gone and most of the things he owned sold, he’d covered a lot of distance. The problem, of course, is that at that point he also desperately needed more money.

“He’d been testing his work by launching instances and sending them into chatrooms. His early attempts weren’t terribly successful, but, by the time he was broke, he was consistently able to fool most reality TV fans. His program was not only capable of passing the Turing test, it had developed relationships and was continuing conversations based on snippets it was grabbing from news sites and other forums.

“Given his shut-in status, his application soon had more friends than he did. Byron had no one else to ask for money, but his code did. He started skewing his work towards grifting.

“This was no identity theft or one time Facebook con. He didn’t want a few hundred at a time, he needed thousands, perhaps millions, to properly complete his work.

“I came in not long after.”

A younger Josette appeared above the stage, though she wore the same fake smile. She was standing in front of a dilapidated country estate.

“Well, sort of. That’s actually me from just a year ago, after six months of investigating. You may notice that I look kind of spooked – that house felt haunted to me, even though I don’t believe in such a thing.

“See, when Newman started using his chat app to talk lonely folks on the internet into sending along money, traffic from his place suddenly increased ten fold. It’s a solid bit of coding, and most of the text it spits out is pretty original, but there was so much of it that duplication was inevitable, especially since most of the ploys were set up by Byron himself, and just the details changed from person to person.

“Tony’s ex-wife is a horrible woman and he needs money to feed himself because she took it all in alimony. Tammy’s a single mom with a naughty imagination and her kids need shoes. Martin’s Ma will be kicked from the home if he can’t pull together the monthly bill.

“That sort of thing.

“This is all from 2002 to 2007, but only uncovered eighteen months ago. We were hunting Nigerian ministers and came across two hundred and seventy-six battered Sherry-alikes. It seemed like a mass copy-and-replace job until we realized how much traffic he was pushing around.

“There was a hiccup in 2005, when Byron moved to the country, but it was easy enough to find him at his new nest – he was using twice as much bandwidth.”

The view flipped to an overhead satellite image of the sprawling grounds.

“In a case of literalism, Newman built a server farm on his farm and kept working. It’s hard to say how much of his time was invested in advancing his original idea, and how much was focused on squeezing cash from people, but the money continued to pour in. He did it in small bites, small enough that the bilked wouldn’t make a fuss, or even know they were anything but a good samaritan, but, in the end, Byron was maybe best described as a linguist and not a security guy.”

The image switched back to Norris Barker’s vagabond face.

“Barker, on the other hand, was. He was also, as I mentioned, in love. He probably thought he was confronting a vicious husband when he bought that gun – or perhaps he’d figured it all out. He posted nothing online that might give us a hint. It certainly must have seemed odd, though, that she’d gone through so much trouble to hide the source of her messages. Maybe he thought it was the brute’s work.

“The last thing he said to Sherry was in an email that read only, ‘I’m coming.’

“We know Byron Newman died August 25th, 2007, because Norris immediately punched a confession into his smartphone, explaining to his brother that he was planning to flee the country. That message was sent to a tower within a kilometer of the farm.

“We haven’t been able to find evidence of him since.

“What the broken-hearted murderer didn’t know, however, was that Newman had built the perfect alibi for him. Byron had long returned to his role of pervasive online tech guru, tweeting extensively, posting commentaries, and writing blog posts between rounds of spending stolen money.

“The problem was, he enjoyed the attention, but not the distraction. One day he simply split off a new instance of his program, named it after himself, and set it to keeping the world updated with his wit while he was blowing weekends in Vegas. Like everything he touched, it began to expand. It started handling all of the complex banking necessary to keep his assets hidden; it started paying the bills necessary to keep his lights on and the servers running; it started trolling Craigslist for local yard guys who accepted online payments.

“Twelve months ago we took our information to some scary guys in government-issued suits, and they promptly thanked us and showed us the door. A month after that, they came back and asked for our help figuring out what all had happened.

“Fifteen minutes ago, just before I took the stage, what we’ve begun to think of as Lord Byron’s Machine was taken offline.

The final image of the presentation appeared: A live shot of Newman’s last status update, hanging, twenty-minutes old, at the end of a stream of quick-fire chatter.

It read, “Can’t wait to see what Josette Yates’ secret TED announcement is.”

There was no follow up.

GoJo’s smile was fully real now, though it had taken on a hint of sadness.

She cleared her throat and said, “thank you for your time.”

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Freesound.org credits:

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

True Crime Tuesday: Call Patch Adams Edition

Ten Detective Aces, 1941
No joke, some True Crime Tuesday’s basically write themselves.

In this case, it’s hard to say who stepped on whose (possibly over-sized) shoes first, but clearly this punched punch will be spending a few days with an involuntary red nose.

Enough clowning around, however – this video has the full story:

[youtube_sc url=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9Nh1EN65pY”]

(Note the stuffed animal: Clearly it decided to simply grin and bear it.)

True Crime Tuesday: Chemical Imbalance Edition

Vigilante War in Buena Vista
Today’s TCT is all about a lack of control.

First up, via citypages.com, we find a patrol car responding to a “shots fired” call on Halloween night – instead of locating a shoot-out, however, they…

[…] found a group of juvenile boys, who said a man had driven up, pulled over and began to yell at them, accusing them of stealing candy from his child.

Candy theft is clearly a greater crime than pumpkin smashing, but neither is reason enough for vigilante justice – and yet:

Vigilante Wonder WomanThe boys described the suspect as a white male with an Asian female passenger in his car, the same description of a driver who was stopped earlier in the evening for driving erratically. During that traffic stop, the driver, identified as Hager, told officers that he was looking for “older kids” who had stolen candy from his child.

Police went to Hager’s home and found him “very eager” to talk to them. He told them that he was angry that someone had stolen candy from his child, so he got into his car – accompanied by his wife and two children – and went searching for the “kids” who were responsible for the theft, according to the complaint.

I can understand being upset that your child has lost his candy, but there’s bullying and then there’s bullying.

When he saw the group at 27th and Brunswick, he got out of his car to confront them, he told police. However, it appeared that none of them were taking him seriously and they were giving him “attitude,” he said, so he pulled a gun from his car, the complaint says.

[…]

Police arrested Hager and confiscated the unloaded AK-47.

AK47
The second entry on today’s menu – a fantastic suggestion by Strawsburg – also relates to control: In fact, there was a time, not so long ago, when the criminal in question held at least some control over the vast majority of home computer systems.

Then things got a bit crazy.

From Gizmodo:

Antivirus pioneer John McAfee is on the run from murder charges, Belize police say. According to Marco Vidal, head of the national police force’s Gang Suppression Unit, McAfee is a prime suspect in the murder of American expatriate Gregory Faull, who was gunned down Saturday night at his home in San Pedro Town on the island of Ambergris Caye.

[…] Last Wednesday, Faull filed a formal complaint against McAfee with the mayor’s office, asserting that McAfee had fired off guns and exhibited “roguish behavior.” Their final disagreement apparently involved dogs.

At first I thought perhaps he had simply finally found the fellow who wrote Sobig.F – but the rabbit hole goes much deeper.

“Belize?” you may be asking yourself, “why Belize?”

Writing under the name “stuffmonger,” a handle he has used on other online message boards, McAfee posted more than 200 times over the next nine months about his ongoing quest to purify psychoactive drugs from compounds commercially available over the internet. “I’m a huge fan of MDPV,” he wrote. “I think it’s the finest drug ever conceived, not just for the indescribable hypersexuality, but also for the smooth euphoria and mild comedown.”

What does that have to do with Belize?

MDPV, which was recently banned in the US but remains legal in Belize, belongs to a class of drugs called cathinones, a natural source of which is the East African plant khat.

[…]

McAfee’s purported interest in extracting medicine from jungle plants provided him a wholesome justification for building a well-equipped chemistry lab in a remote corner of Belize. The specific properties of the drugs he was attempting to isolate also fit in well with what those closest to him have reported: that he is an enthusiastic amateur pharmacologist with a longstanding interest in drugs that induce sexual behavior in women. Indeed, former friends of McAfee have said he could be extremely persistent and devious in trying to coerce women who rebuff his advances to have sex with him.

Clearly Mr. McAfee is suffering from something that a simple software update won’t fix, though it sounds like he may also be carrying some viral infections of a different kind.
Thrilling Mystery 1940

True Crime Tuesday: Love Hurts Edition

Lover's Revenge - Poster owned by Joey of Friends
Today I bring you a trio of interlocked tales; stories that are, despite taking place across the world, as closely bound to each other as the lovers they depict once were – though, to be fair, they weren’t all held together by flex cuffs:

Police said it all started just after 11 p.m., when four men in ski masks ambushed a couple sitting in a pickup truck at 95 E. 43rd St. in Hialeah.

The robbers forced the man into a waiting vehicle, and two of the robbers got into the pickup truck with [his girlfriend], Miami police said. The masked men used flex cuffs to bind the man’s and the woman’s wrists and drove them to the man’s house on Northwest 14th Street in Miami, according to investigators.

When they arrived at the house, police said they found the man’s wife, his mother and two children in the home.

Police said the robbers tied up the whole family, beat up the man, roughed up his wife and then took jewelry and money from the home. The men took off with thousands of dollars in cash and jewelry, Miami police said.

Before leaving, the robbers brought the man’s girlfriend into the home and introduced her to his wife, according to investigators. The robbers then left them all together in the house and took off.

Source

Is Revenge Ice Cream? Found on the web.

Parking, in the illicit-sense, is an age-old refuge for secret lovers – perhaps that’s what this next woman had in mind while attempting to take her misguided revenge?

A woman seeking revenge on her husband in New Zealand smashed her car into the wrong apartment complex, according to The Nelson Mail.

The paper said, the woman thought she was plowing into the home of her husband’s mistress, but she actually drove through the wrong building.

The woman, 25, whose name has been withheld, pleaded guilty to causing almost $43,000 worth of damage to the property in the town of Nelson, according to New Zealand news site IOL.

Source

Still, even if one woman’s retaliation went slightly off course, this Chinese group of irate lovers certainly made the cut:

According to reports, Fei Lin, 41, from Niqiao village near Wenling City, had been asleep when thieves broke into his bedroom and put a bag over his head.

Lin apparently told police: “They put something over my head and pulled down my trousers and then they ran off.

“I was so shocked I didn’t feel a thing – then I saw I was bleeding and my penis was gone.

Rumour has it that Lin was having affairs with “several” local women, which police believe could have been the motivation behind the penis theft. The theory goes that jealous lovers of the women banded together to teach Lin a lesson.

However, Lin has denied any infidelity.

Source

The Vengeful Virgin cover

FP283 – Mulligan Smith and The Reformed Man, Part 3 of 3

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and eighty-three.

Flash PulpTonight we present Mulligan Smith and The Reformed Man, Part 3 of 3
(Part 1Part 2Part 3)
[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp283.mp3]Download MP3
(RSS / iTunes)

 

This week’s episodes are brought to you by The Dark Wife.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, Mulligan Smith seeks many truths.

 

Mulligan Smith and The Reformed Man, Part 3 of 3

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

Mulligan Smith“Yeah, but four dudes?” Billy was saying.

“Meh,” replied Mulligan. “You might not complain if you had the attention of a squadron of ladies for the evening. The ferocity driving a power-player’s libido is often the same thing that makes their bank accounts fatter than any we’ll ever see.

“They’re just people with appetites, but their hunger isn’t necessarily wrong, it’s just different. I’m not into seafood either.”

“What about Donegan then?” asked the mountain.

“Ever eat so much that you regret it when you finally push away from the table?”

“Nope.”

The pair were standing in front of a shabby downtown church, watching the Sunday tide of sign carriers flow through the double doors.

When no further response came from his friend, Billy ravaged the Big Mac he’d demanded for being forced out of bed at such an early hour.

Finally, as Winnipeg licked the last of the secret sauce from his chin, Smith asked, “you ready?”

The Canadian squared his shoulders. “Ghandi said, “I always believed in fighting.”

“Wait,” replied Smith, “I know where I’ve heard all this before – did you seriously make a major life decision based on Gandhi, the movie?”

“Hey, Ben Kingsley is a genius, and it was, you know, accurate. Besides, I, uh, read some stuff online too.”

Mulligan, with slurpee in hand, shook his head. “Well, I’m sorry whatever the case. You know I appreciate the favour.”

After receiving an embarrassed grin, and a shrug, from Billy, the PI laid a sneakered foot on the bottommost step.

* * *

The Church of the Burning Christ’s limited capacity was nearly filled, but Smith knew the message was not restricted to the room inside: Online research had turned up recordings of nearly every sermon delivered between the egg-shell white walls. Furthermore, Mulligan’s occupation of a rear pew during the previous week’s service had given him a feel for the habits of the worship house, and he knew, as the clock neared the hour, that he’d find Matthew Donegan behind a modest brown door behind the altar.

The preacher liked a moment alone preceding his entrance – likely, the detective guessed, to psyche himself to the energy level necessary to maintain an hour’s worth of railing against homosexuality, dead soldiers, and the government – and it was on this brief window, away from the throng, that Smith laid his gamble.

The approach went smoothly enough. The sleuth had half expected to be stopped by some curious altar-tender, but, instead, Mulligan sailed across the gray carpet, and into the relative quiet of a small antechamber.

As he entered, Matthew Donegan stood to his left, preening in a slender plastic-framed mirror which hung on the wall.

Donegan wore a three-piece suit of questionable origin, and his hair had recently been buzzed in such a way that a lone lick of flame projected a short bill over his furrowed brow.

While absentmindedly adjusting the black nub of electronics clipped to his collar, the cleric said, “check your watch, I’ve got three minutes.”

Smith was unsure who he’d assumed the intruder was, but it was clear from the preacher’s frown that the surprise was an unpleasant one.

Clearing his throat, Mulligan made his play. “Listen, I kind of understand Watson, but what happened with Benton? Were you out on the street one night, hurling hate from your soapbox, and you two shared a moment of recognition? You know, that uncomfortable moment when you realize you sort of had sex with a passerby? Did you follow him down that alley because you were just as scared as he was?

“You’re supposed to be a man of The Lord – face what you’ve done. You’re going to pay no matter what you do, but at least you can find peace with yourself.”

Donegan’s jaw suddenly shut – but briefly.

“What idiocy is this?” he asked. “What are you talking about?”

His voice was calm, but Smith read panic in his eyes.

It was the fear upon which the PI had placed his bet.

“Morgan Watson and Donnie Benton? The guys you killed? Sad story for your pal Morgan, falling on hard times after graduation, but I guess he was pretty pleased to look up from the gutter and see you swinging bibles and calling people faggots. Didn’t do much for your bank account though, did it? At least, not by the looks of the records I’ve stumbled on.

You fixed that cash flow problem, though, didn’t you?”

“If you’re going to arrest me,” said Donegan, “then do it, and at least my lawyers will have to be the ones listening to you prattle.”

“Oh,” replied Mulligan, dancing at the edge of truth, “I’m no police officer, I’m here for the money.”

In truth, while Smith HAD stumbled across the blackmail’s paper-trail once he’d known where to look, the records alone would not be sufficient to convince a District Attorney to put a holy man on trial – even a holy man with Donegan’s reputation.

Nonetheless, Mulligan had reasoned that fear had driven Donegan to do something stupid at least twice in the past, and that perhaps it might again.

He was proven right when Donegan muttered a barely audible, “Ah, so now I see you for what you are: Another blaggard with Satan’s spunk dribbling from his lips and his hands reaching into a better man’s pocket. What makes you think I won’t give you the same as I gave Watson, you whoreson?”

“You know, Matthew, with your passion, you could have really made something with this place. It’s too bad your own self-loathing has so badly twisted your message. If you’d just accepted yourself, and what happened in that sweaty little apartment, then maybe you could’ve accepted everyone else, and built something righteous.”

It should have been enough, and, as Smith turned to abruptly exit, he nearly felt like whistling.

He was halfway down the center aisle when the trouble began.

Mulligan and Billy’s previous visit had shown them that the building’s sound system was run from a dark audio booth at the rear of the sanctuary, and directly into a CD burner, so that each day’s homily could be purchased, at a small fee, by the attending faithful. It had been Smith’s plan to simply have the man at the console surreptitiously turn on Donegan’s mic, while keeping the main speakers muted, and to then further leverage Winnipeg’s bulk into ensuring a copy of the confession was made.

The success of the process was heavily in doubt when the sound engineer in question came crashing through the booth’s smokey window.

Seconds later, the sight of the behemoth crawling out over the broken glass brought the congregation to their feet in aid of their injured brother, and the pews began to disgorge a riot already in progress.

Smith was slightly relieved when he noticed an unlabeled disc in the bleeding man’s hand, and the fact that he was already on his feet gave the sleuth a sliver of a lead on the mob. As a rush of fist-waving parishioners came against the wall that was Billy Winnipeg, Mulligan scooped the evidence from the stunned audio engineer and stashed it in a deep pocket.

Smith’s fast footwork, and Winnipeg’s thick arms, carried the pair to the threshold, and onto the street. With the eager amongst the crowd now cradling bludgeoned nostrils, the attackers fell back on their most practiced strongpoint: Screaming. “Faggot!” was the most common refrain, with “enabler!” a distant second, and yet, despite the din, Smith couldn’t help but notice the sandy-haired twelve year who had settled on repeating “Satan’s cocksucker!”

A sprint later and the Tercel’s engine was roaring to life. Spotting a blue slip fluttering beneath his windshield wiper, Mulligan couldn’t help but feel the cost of the illegal parking job was certainly worth the hasty departure.

“What happened back there?” asked Smith, as they rounded the third corner, and his speed began to slacken. “I thought you were going to bribe him, or bluff him at worst?”

“I was gonna. I offered the cash and he took it, but, just before he handed me the CD, he hesitated.

“I thought he was scared at first, and I told him “You know the truth, and I believe it was Gandhi who once said, ‘If you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth.’

“Then I realized he was deciding that he probably believed in whatever reasons Donegan had for stabbing a guy, and he just looked at me and said, “Gandhi was a pussy.”

“So I hit him.”

The press following the incident would be enough to have the Church of the Burning Christ’s tax status reevaluated, and the recording would close the case on the murder of Morgan Watson.

In the meantime, however, Mulligan simply said, “Billy, let’s head over to the east side of town. There’s a hipster movie house running a documentary on Mandela I think you’ll like. I’ll buy the popcorn.”

 

(Part 1Part 2Part 3)

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Freesound.org credits:

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

FP247 – Mulligan Smith and The Endangered Granny, Part 2 of 3

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and forty-seven.

Flash PulpTonight we present, Mulligan Smith and The Endangered Granny, Part 2 of 3.
(Part 1Part 2Part 3)
[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp247.mp3]Download MP3
(RSS / iTunes)

 

This week’s episodes are brought to you by The Roundtable Podcast.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, Mulligan Smith is forced to fend for himself in the bowels of a gambling establishment.

 

Mulligan Smith and The Endangered Granny, Part 2 of 3

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

Mulligan SmithNestled behind a strip mall offering overpriced coffee, cheap clothes, and a questionably-licensed chain store barbershop, Capital City’s Faith Evangelical Lutheran Church required some foreknowledge to find. As he threaded his way through the parking lot, however, Mulligan Smith considered that it looked as if a fervent revival were under way.

In truth, he knew that it wasn’t a holy summons that had brought them, but, instead, the whoop of the bingo caller.

Inside, the broad basement was tight with long wooden tables, and every available surface seemed covered in an array of speckled sheets and discarded paper cups.

At the end of the hall most distant from the stairs, a steel-haired man in a buttoned-down shirt plucked balls from a noisy hopper, then thundered the letter and number combinations into his ancient microphone.

His recent visit to the dentist’s having provided little usable information, Smith had decided to search out Granny Cobb. She’d been recognized, if not present, at the previous pair of bingo events he’d canvased.

Scanning the sea of gray hair, and thick-lensed prescription optometry, Mulligan hoped that, if she was there, she’d be accompanied by her problematic grandson.

He’d learned a lesson in his earlier excursions, though, and, instead of immediately approaching the nearest players and beginning the questioning process, he simply waited.

To Smith’s right, a concession had been setup to sell game cards, and he couldn’t help but overhear the awkward landing of a joke told by its cardigan-ed operator.

“- so I said to the novelist, “I knew you were an atheist from your suspenders of disbelief.””

Mulligan worked hard to hide his wince, but the frail-limbed woman who had been the victim of the delivery chuckled politely before making her escape by beelining towards the detective.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“I bet you can,” replied Smith, retrieving a picture from his pocket. “Do you know Mrs. Cobb? Or, perhaps, Horton Cobb?”

The photo, taken on a bright Spring day, had the appearance of a funerary keepsake due to the formal apparel both wore. Mulligan had been assured, repeatedly, that it was their usual manner of dress.

“I do know Mrs. Cobb, though I’ve never met this Horton. You can probably find her in her usual spot, by the caller.”

Experience told the PI that the gossips in a group were always the most eager to size up strangers, so, rather than heap further rumour onto Granny Cobb’s reputation, he curtailed his questions and went in search of his subject.

Fortunately, it was easy enough to find her, as she was the lone female occupant at an expansive table of hairy-eared men.

Smith was surprised to find the chairs on either side of the woman unoccupied, given the crowded nature of the hall. He surmised it was likely due to the exceptionally large number of scorecards she seemed to be overseeing.

“Hi,” he said, “name’s Mulligan.”

“Well, hello, Mulligan,” she replied. Despite her high-collar and long sleeves, a smile seemed to come easily to her lips. “Care to have a seat?”

He did.

“Ma’am,” he continued, “I’m here about your son, Horton.”

“Hort?”

“Yes, Mrs. Cobb. Sasha Burnett mentioned that I might find you here.”

A particularly common call of N-33 sent her into a fury of jabbing.

“Oh, enough of that Mrs. Cobb, business,” she said, as she patrolled for any missed entries, “my name’s Jacqueline. Anyhow, that dentist was nice enough, but she wasn’t for my Hort. He looks for strong character in a gal.”

A disappointing follow-up of O-73 allowed her an opportunity to turn towards the investigator. Her eyes widened, and her smile deepened.

“Why? Do you know Sasha well?” she asked. Her dauber-free hand moved to the lace collar of her dress, and she began to tug at the fringe-work with thumb and forefinger.

“Only in passing,” replied Mulligan. He pointed out a square she’d missed marking, leaving the card in question on the cusp of victory.

At the discovery, Cobb licked her lips in anticipation, but then her brow briefly tightened. “Are you here regarding financial matters between Sasha and Hort? I wasn’t privy to any-”

“No, Ma’am. Look, you’re pretty occupied, and I hate to intrude on your evening. The matter with your son is a personal one: I’m not a debt collector of any kind, but I do need to have a quick chat with him.”

The woman reached his hand with her own. “Anything you need to say to Hort, you can say to me. We’re very close.”

“Well, Jacqueline, there are some things a fella simply doesn’t want his grandmother to hear, at least from a stranger.”

“Jackie,” she replied. Her voice had grown thick. “Why do we need to be strangers?”

Her fingers began rubbing at his own.

Before Smith could react, the missing digits – I-25 – echoed through the room.

The triumphant sheet was amongst those most distant from Mulligan’s elbow, and he instinctively leaned in to indicate the finishing daub. As he did so, however, Jackie threw her arms around his shoulders, and his nostrils filled with the soft scent of artificial flowers. For the briefest of moments, he could feel her nails running through his hair, and brushing the back of his neck.

Then she pulled away.

“Oh my, I’m sorry. I rarely win, so, when I do, I tend to get rather – excited,” apologized Mrs. Cobb, with a giggle. She righted herself, and brushed aside a smoky strand from her bangs.

As a smocked church-volunteer arrived to check her numbers and count out her prize money, Mulligan’s phone rang.

Looking at the number, he smiled, and said “I’ve got to go.”

As he rose, the results were accepted, and the basement became saturated with the sound of paper being crumpled.

He hesitated, and stalled by zipping his hoodie.

Finally, as the din quieted, Smith grinned lopsidedly and asked, “could I call you sometime?”

 

(Part 1Part 2Part 3)

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Freesound.org credits:

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to skinner@skinner.fm, or the voicemail line at (206) 338-2792 – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

FP245 – Mulligan Smith in Release, Part 1 of 1

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and forty-five.

Flash PulpTonight we present, Mulligan Smith in Release, Part 1 of 1.

[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp245.mp3]Download MP3
(RSS / iTunes)

 

This week’s episodes are brought to you by Gatecast.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, private investigator Mulligan Smith unexpectedly returns to a client’s home to complete some paperwork.

 

Mulligan Smith in Release, Part 1 of 1

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

Mulligan SmithMulligan couldn’t hear the crying, or the shouting, or the COPS narrator babbling endlessly from the forgotten television in the next room.

The kitchen had grown small – smaller than any he’d ever been in, he thought – and his ears were filled with the pounding ocean; the blow of a hurricane; the hammering of some medieval blacksmith.

His ears were filled with the sound of his heart, and the roar of his blood.

“Oh boy, ain’t this embarrassing,” he said, pushing the words out to give his stomach some release from the urge to vomit.

The man he was addressing, Christopher Gaskins, turned towards the private investigator. The former client’s eyes were wide.

“Smith?” he asked in a tight voice. Gaskins wore a brown robe, its open front splitting the two halves of an ancient coffee stain. His only other attire was a simple pair of pinstriped pajama bottoms. His belly hung well over the draw string, and his chest hair was peppered with gray. There was a knife, a Ginsu, as ordered from an infomercial, tucked into the hip of his flimsy pants.

“Yeah,” replied Mulligan, “you – you, uh, forgot to give me the code on the back of your credit card. I need it to process my fees, you know. I’m always forgetting to collect it.”

The more he talked, the further the furious rumble receded, so that he was able to identify a new sound entering the room.

Christopher’s lips were trembling, and his throat took on a hitching rhythm. A sharp-pitched wail rattled over the grout-and-tile counter tops, and echoed between the pans suspended above the cluttered island.

The sight of a weeping middle-aged man was always disheartening to the detective, but the .308 hunting rifle Gaskins was holding would have been enough alone to dissuade him from attempting to comfort the armed man.

As it was, Smith reminded himself not to let his gaze wander towards the stove, and took a step forward.

“Might I guess that you’ve intentions on eventually swallowing that gun?” he asked. “I’ve delivered bad news before, I know how it is – it can feel like the world is ending, but there’s help to be had.”

“Bad news?” replied Christopher. “This ain’t exactly learning you haven’t been promoted, or that dear Uncle Bill has died.”

Mulligan was pleased to see the firearm’s barrel sag, despite the retort. His fingers dipped into his hoodie’s pockets.

“No, it’s infidelity,” he said, as he attempted to adopt a psychiatrist’s smooth tone. ”I’m not saying it’s an easy thing to deal with, but it happens all the time. Your wife knew the guy had cancer – she, uh, went to that hotel with full knowledge that it was a one time thing.”

“If it’s so common, why does it hurt so bad?”

When Gaskins had first hired Mulligan, he’d seemed starstruck by the popular notion of what being a P.I. meant. Now, with no alternative, Smith decided to bluff with his profession’s worldly reputation. “It was obvious from our initial meeting that you’re a bit tightly wound. I mean, you thought it worth hiring me to see if Joan was a meth addict, and it was really only a coincidence that I stumbled onto her dead-guy fling.

“It’s like that old Groucho line: “If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you.” Anything held too tight is bound to break. I’ve seen it all before, though, as I mentioned. Had a client try to jump off his apartment building’s roof one time. Poor bugger was thinking so unclearly that he didn’t even notice he’d lept towards the outdoor pool. He survived, but his half-bounce on the water’s edge was enough to leave him without the use of his legs. On the upside, he married his physiotherapist.

“Now, my point is – and I don’t mean to be rude – you need a doctor, not a gun.”

Christopher’s moist cheeks now carried rivers, and his ribs compressed between sobs.

“Listen,” said Smith,”you’re hurt, anyone can see that – and anyone would want to assist you. Chris, you are sick, in a way you can’t deal with. Let me help. I’m going to walk over there and hug you. Shoot me or don’t.”

Mulligan closed the distance and wrapped his arms around Gaskins, who was still holding the rifle across his chest.

The barrel of the weapon, which was propped awkwardly between their shoulders, discharged as Smith touched Christopher’s neck with the stun gun he’d hidden in his hoodie’s wide sleeve.

Gaskins’ body listed, and he dropped to the ground. Lowering himself onto one knee, Mulligan punched 911, nudged the .308 to a safe distance, and then flatly stated the street and house number. As Christopher began to mutter, he again pressed the crackling electrodes to the cuckold’s skin.

The desire to gag had returned, and now there was less reason not to. He knew, however, that he had no choice but to address the pair of weeping children who’d huddled within the island’s cupboards for shelter.

Beckoning them from their hiding spot, he moved to block the view of the stove.

“You said Dad was sick?” asked the boy, who looked seven, and was only wearing billowing Chicago Bulls shorts. “Will he get better?”

“Hopefully,” replied Smith, “but sometimes it takes a big pill, or a large needle, or a high-voltage electric shock, to start getting better.”

“What about Mom?” asked the girl, a five-year-old in Toy Story pajamas.

“Head out to my car, it’s the blue one in the driveway, and I’ll be right there to talk,” suggested Mulligan.

As the blood flowing from Joan’s body continued to flood the linoleum’s ruts and grooves, the neighbourhood began to fill with sirens.

Turning his head, Smith dialed down the oven’s burner, and, finally, the sizzling heart ceased cooking.

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Freesound.org credits:

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to skinner@skinner.fm, or the voicemail line at (206) 338-2792 – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

FP224 – Mulligan Smith in The Master of the Wild Kingdom, Part 2 of 2

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and twenty four.

Flash PulpTonight we present, Mulligan Smith in The Master of the Wild Kingdom, Part 2 of 2.
(Part 1Part 2)
[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp224.mp3]Download MP3
(RSS / iTunes)

 

This week’s episodes are brought to you by Nutty Bites.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, Mulligan Smith, private investigator, meets Mr. Charles Barger.

 

Mulligan Smith in The Master of the Wild Kingdom, Part 2 of 2

Written by J.R.D. Skinner & Opopanax
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

Mulligan SmithThe bottomless nature of the elder Smith’s contacts had never ceased to amaze his son. The old man had assured him, at length, of the skill of the bush pilot, who’d introduced herself as Molly. It was not her abilities, however, that troubled the detective – it was his father’s insinuation about finding a nice girl and settling down.

The aviator hardly seemed the type, however. Dual buns had always put Mulligan in mind of Princess Leia or raver-kids, but the woman wore them strikingly, and the only image she conjured was that of a feudal warrior princess prepared for battle.

The rough-weathered flight came after a seven hour drive, and Smith was grinding at his chewing gum as the wings dipped below the shadows of the pines that flanked their wet landing strip.

Once the plane had puttered to an engine-less coast, he exhaled.

“Handy bit of work,” he said.

Molly smiled and ushered him onto his pontoon.

As he finished inflating his dingy, he considered briefly that he might be taking on something worse than usual, but, as Mulligan pushed off, he wore a smirk: After the pilot had tossed his bags into the boat’s bottom, she’d retrieved a fishing rod to pass the wait.

Then, for a while, his only focus was rowing, and the glowing cigarette she’d hand-rolled as he’d prepared for departure.

The satellite maps he’d inspected before leaving had shown him a largely circular island, but the grainy resolution they provided for such a rural location made it impossible to identify the green-gray blobs that made up the isle’s interior.

For a time he could navigate only by compass and the light of his cellphone, which was as extensive a use as he was able to make of the electronic device, as there was no signal to be had.

An hour into his journey, the heavy clouds burst, and Smith began to curse endlessly between his clenched teeth.

His arms were aching, and he was beginning to think he might have gotten off track, when a ring of stadium-lights suddenly engaged, three-hundred yards away.

Digging for a second wind, Mulligan pumped hard, and was breathing raggedly when he finally dragged his rubber raft ashore.

As he’d done dozens of times earlier in the day, he considered why Olivia Barger might be working so hard to allow herself plausible deniability. Was the island a sex-slave harem? Some sort of drug operation?

He knew he was getting closer, but still didn’t have the data to decide.

The massive lights made it easy enough to stroll through the wooded strip which marched along the shore, but he soon encountered a high metal fence, beyond which was little but open grass. Smith guess he might be able to climb the barrier, but, in going over the top, he’d be easily spotted by anyone watching from beyond.

On the far side of the illuminated circle lurked a sprawling house. Though Mulligan could smell drifting smoke from a fire, the tall rows of windows stood dark and empty.

He was shielding his eyes against the overhead glare, and considering his options, when he noticed a large heap at the mid-point between himself and the cottage. At first he thought the mass inert, but soon he realized it was breathing.

He followed the bars to a better vantage point, which allowed him to make out just what the lump was: A rhinoceros, wheezing rhythmically as it drew in air.

The door at the opposite end of the field opened, and five men exited. Four were dressed in black suits, and each held a shotgun. Smith wondered briefly if such a thing would be required, as any one of them looked built to wrestle the rhino to the ground using only his bare hands.

Mulligan recognized the fifth as Mr. Charles Barger, despite the circle of green paint he’d spread over his face, and the red X he’d emblazoned across his chest.

The wing of bodyguards leveled their weapons in the general direction of the animal, but it was obvious to Smith, from the behemoth’s lack of reaction to the new arrivals, that there was likely enough sedative in the brute’s bloodstream to kill a small family.

Although the pictures of Barger had always portrayed a solid-head of silver hanging atop a pearly white smile, Mulligan realized then that he’d never seen the man in anything but full business attire.

Years of monomaniacal desk work had left his arms little more than straw spokes projecting from a sunken ribcage, giving the detective the impression of a large melon perched perilously on a straw.

Under the unyielding fluorescents, Smith could make out the goosebumps which covered Barger’s milky white body, and the shake in the rich-man’s arms as he extracted the machete from the sheath at his side.

As his protection maintained a respectful distance, Charles approached the gasping giant. His first swings against the slumberer brought only a trickle of blood, but he found better purchase at the animal’s throat.

The butchering was a messy one, filled with panting, cussing, and unpredictable gouts of gore being carried away on the back swing.

It was another thirty minutes before the beast finally fell silent.

Sweating, it’s supposed conqueror lay the end of his blade into the chaos of exposed fat and flesh, like Merlin placing the sword in the stone, but the implement immediately sagged to the left, falling free from its resting place.

Barger, who had turned back to his accompaniment, seemed to catch a look of question on the face of one of his bald-pated retinue.

“This was the last of the Western Black Rhinos,” screamed the adrenaline-flushed Charles, “I’ve just ended a species here – do you understand the power in that?”

“No boss,” said the muscle.

“Of course you don’t,” replied Barger. His face took on a lunatic’s grin, and Smith was left wondering if the same high-powered mixologist who’d pacified the sacrifice had also provided some chemical courage to the billionaire’s arm.

The silver-haired bobblehead cackled.

* * *

As he finally approached his ride home, Mulligan found that Molly had replaced her rod with a rifle.

“You took a long time,” she said.

“Nice to see you were worried,” he replied.

Their flight home was silent.

* * *

At noon, the following day, Smith was threading between mall pedestrians on his way to a bank kiosk. As he passed an electronic store’s television display, he noted that the twenty-four-hour news networks were still running an endless loop of Barger’s feeble opening assault on the rhino’s skull, followed by a close up of the businessman’s sneering painted-face.

The only satisfaction Mulligan found in it, however, was that, for once, his paycheck wouldn’t bounce.

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Freesound.org credits:

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to skinner@skinner.fm, or the voicemail line at (206) 338-2792 – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.