Tag: pulp

FP276 – Mulligan Smith and The Jailhouse Lover, Part 1 of 1

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and seventy-six.

Flash PulpTonight we present Mulligan Smith and The Jailhouse Lover, Part 1 of 1

[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp276.mp3]Download MP3
(RSS / iTunes)

 

This week’s episodes are brought to you by Dead Kitchen Radio.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, private investigator Mulligan Smith finds himself listening to a tale of prison romance.

 

Mulligan Smith and The Jailhouse Lover

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

“Power windows? Fuck power windows,” Walmart Mike was saying.

The Mercedes-Benz alongside the Tercel pulled away from the stoplight.

Mulligan had offered the old man a ride home after discovering him waiting out the downtown bus in a plexiglas shelter, but he hadn’t expected much in the way of a conversation.

Mulligan SmithThe greeter asked, “you know those flicks where some a-hole with a moustache finds himself facing off against twenty guys and he just stands behind his jalopy and blasts them all? Yeah, I knew this idiot, Dustin Cameron, who actually tried it. He was on parole, but he couldn’t resist living big. Drove around in a boat of a Cadillac. First car I ever rode in with power windows.

“Only because he bought me lunch, you understand – I was done with the life by then.”

Mike paused, drumming his fingers on the passenger-side door’s armrest.

“Few weeks later he rolls on a couple hard-cases who were bothering his employers. Stops his road yacht in the middle of the street, stands up from the driver seat, and levels a Colt .45 – blam, blam, blam.

“I’m guessing that he was coked out of his mind, but they didn’t mention it in the papers.

“Anyhow, one of the pair drops, but the other’s quick, and he gets his own peashooter in play.

“The two of ‘em keep doing the squint and squeeze for a few more seconds, until they’re both clicking at each other, then, full of adrenaline, the idiot gets back in the caddy and starts to drive away.

“Apparently his windshield had several holes in it, and his goddamn engine must’ve looked like a sieve. A block on he realized that his brakes were pooched, and that he couldn’t stop at the light. A FedEx truck moving through the cross traffic hit ‘im in the trunk, though. Spun the car around and made it stall – but the impact was also enough to spark a fire.

“Some pedestrians who hadn’t seen what he’d been running from came pounding the pavement toward him, looking to pull him clear before it was too late, but he jerked out of his shock suddenly, and his first instinct was to bring his big pistol up.

“Well, of course everyone stepped the fuck back.

“He panicked, threw the piece in the rear seat, and started yelling for help. At that point, though, no ones really excited about giving it a second go.

“People could see him slamming at the power windows, but they were as dead as the rest of the car. He tried kicking at the glass, but his sneakers kept bouncing. By the time he thought to look for the Colt, the Cadillac was so full of smoke he probably couldn’t see where he’d dropped it – he cooked before he found it.”

Mulligan whistled. There was a note of emotion in his passenger’s telling that seemed heavier than the story – one more tale of violence in the hundred he’d heard previously – so, rather than trample a carefully prepared runway, the private investigator otherwise maintained his silence.

After a moment, Mike cleared his throat.

“It’s funny, in prison people hustle hard for just a bit of sugar,” he said. “That’s where I met Dustin. There was this guy, real prison house Cyrano, you know, used to write letters for him. Well, really, the guy did it for a lot of folks. Some illiterate liquor store holdup man would wander off to him in the yard and say “Hey, it’s me and my lady’s third anniversary, can I get a poem?” The writer’d ask a few questions – you know, get a feel for what their relationship was like – and then he’d wander off and scrawl a little something.

“In exchange, Cyrano would score a couple of packages of Twinkies from the canteen. Kept him fat through the cold months.

“Hell, he was no Shakespeare, but a lot of those guys barely knew how to read.

“Dustin and him got in pretty good. Came to the point where Cameron would just bring his words from home over to Cyrano’s bunk to have ‘em read, then the ghostwriter would spit something out and collect his sweets.

“Thing is, after a few months, the scribbler falls for the girl. Can’t blame him, really – he had no one writing him, and she was always hella enthusiastic about his messages.

“I was always under the impression that maybe it was as close to a romance as Dustin ever gave her, even if it was a sham.

“There’s a limit to what you can say, you know – what they’ll let pass through the mail – but things got as hot as they could under the warden’s watchful letter opener.

“Maybe that’s why Cameron stopped wanting to write as often, and waited before swinging by Cyrano’s bunk. The correspondence, and Twinkies, slowed to a trickle.

“Now, Dustin was to be in for twenty. Didn’t happen that way – he did just over six before he was released to go down in his blaze of glory – but, as far as we knew, he was in for a full shift.

“Cyrano, however, was short, and he couldn’t shut the woman from his mind, even if he’d only seen her in a grainy picture taped to Dustin’s wall.

“Two months before he’s to be pushed out the gate, Cameron started a major ruckus in the yard and got himself shoved in the hole for a little thinking time.

“He was still there when lover-boy went through the door.

“My understanding is that, while Cyrano wasn’t proud of it, he looked in on Mrs. Cameron not long after. Guess he’d written her address enough times to have it memorized.

“It was a small apartment on the west side of the city – he caught her exiting her door, dolled to the hilt and glowing like a classy pinup. She was pulling a gent along behind her, and the both of them were grinning as if they were kids sneaking out from under the bleachers.

“Dustin had a temper, so I suppose she can’t be blamed for not being in a hurry to piss him off by delivering the news that they were done. She did theoretically have a couple decades.”

“Right, well, Cyrano just apologized and said he’d meant stop on the floor above – said he must have hit the wrong button in the elevator, can you believe that, ha, ha, ha. Then he ran like a kicked dog.

“Haven’t seen him in quite a while, actually.”

Years of practice had guided the pacing of Mike’s telling, and, as he finished, Mulligan was nosing his ancient Tercel into the parking lot of the ex-con’s residence.

“What do I owe ya?” asked the elder man, still wearing his blue work-smock.

Smith smiled. “Nothing, as always – though, honestly, I now have a terrible hankering for a Twinkie.”

Mike scowled, but found he couldn’t hold it, and was forced to shift to a red-cheeked grin.

“C’mon inside,” he said, “I happen to have a few in the fridge.”

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Freesound.org credits:

  • Car Door Slam by sdfalk
  • Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

    – and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

    FP274 – Sgt. Smith in Model Behaviour, Part 1 of 1

    Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and seventy-four.

    Flash PulpTonight we present Sgt. Smith in Model Behaviour, Part 1 of 1

    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp274.mp3]Download MP3
    (RSS / iTunes)

     

    This week’s episodes are brought to you by Dead Kitchen Radio.

     

    Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

    Tonight, private investigator Mulligan Smith hears a tale from his father’s checkered history with the Capital City Police Department.

     

    Sgt. Smith in Model Behaviour, Part 1 of 1

    Written by J.R.D. Skinner
    Art and Narration by Opopanax
    and Audio produced by Jessica May

     

    Mulligan SmithIt was a Sunday, and Mulligan was dabbing at his plate’s last smudge of Hollandaise sauce with his final sliver of English muffin.

    He leaned back from the square oak table – the same he’d grown up leaving chocolate milk rings on – and burped.

    His mute father grimaced, and pointed to a yellow blob that had escaped his son’s fork and landed on the unzipped hoodie he insisted on always wearing.

    “Yeah, yeah,” replied Mulligan, as he rubbed at the stain. “Listen, Dad, not that I’m complaining, but you cook for me when you have a favour to ask – so ask.”

    The gray-haired former police sergeant let out a lungful of air, and nodded.

    Rising, with a creak, from the thrice reupholstered kitchen chair, the old man moved down the short wood-paneled hallway that lead to his bedroom. After a moment of shelf shuffling and drawer slamming, he returned with a cassette tape and a rectangular player consisting of a transparent flip-out door bookended by a pair of black speakers.

    With a fast moving BIC pen, the elder Smith scrawled a short preface on his always-near pad of paper.

    The note read: “Capital City wasn’t in great shape in ‘89.”

    It was the only warning he provided, but it was clue enough to the younger Smith. He knew his father had regularly carried a pocket recorder during the era to capture witness statements. The method saved on hand cramping when tongueless-ly attempting to convey information to his fellow officers.

    Except for a very few, however, those cassettes had been destroyed at his father’s retirement.

    Mulligan’s belly felt suddenly heavy as the play button was pressed.

    The voice was a woman’s; high pitched, but comfortable speaking with a cop.

    “It’s Doreen – but, listen: I was washing my panties at the Washeteria on Danforth, maybe an hour ago, so 10PM-ish, and this blond came in wearing a Capital University jacket and a Walkman so loud it could frighten an Amish village off their land.

    “She struts past me with a pink plastic laundry basket piled high with her frillies and a stack of textbooks – and I notice she’s wearing jewelery. At the goddamn Washeteria.

    “Really, it was nothing too over the top. Classy stuff, but, you know, girlish. There was a gold music note on her neck that would get you at least a hundred bucks in any of the downtown pawn shops, and a bracelet chunky enough to club a seal.

    “Anyhow, she picks the machine at the end to dump her clothes into, then she sits up on the counter and starts digging through one of her books. I mean, not in a bored kind of way, she was seriously tucking in.

    “Thing is, there was this guy in a white sweater, with a blue zigzag pattern – sort of Charlie Brown style, but thinner, and around his collar instead of his stomach. His teeth were perfect and I’d be willing to bet he had his hair done earlier today – and not cheaply, either.

    “Their conversation started about math – he was maybe twenty-five to her eighteen or nineteen, and I guess he’d been through the same accounting course. I tuned it all out until he said:

    ““I’m done my laundry too – and that looks like a lot of stuff. Could I drive you home?”

    “Well, there was one car in the parking lot, a cherry red Corvette with windows as black as a blind guy’s sunglasses.

    “She looked impressed – and I couldn’t believe it.

    “Before she went through the door with him, I put myself in her path.

    ““I don’t think that’s the best idea, hon,” I said.

    “She looked my little black dress over and I know she was thinking, “Jesus, this woman dresses like a whore.”

    “Hell, I almost blurted “that’s because I AM a whore, bitch,” but one of us had to maintain some manners.

    “She didn’t actually say anything to me, she just kept talking to the guy. Told him she was down the road at The Gardens, and how she really appreciated it.

    “Now, I know you’re thinking, “who is this street walker to judge who this girl wants to climb in the sack with?”

    “But that ain’t it.”

    The woman cleared her throat, and the tape reported a lighter being struck twice, then igniting.

    She continued.

    “I don’t know how long he’d been haunting the place, but I’m sure he noticed the same thing I did: A good looking, but slightly overwhelmed, girl folding clothes with no wedding band on.

    “Now, what’s a guy with that much expensive cologne on doing hanging around a laundromat after dusk? Waiting to play knight?

    “Hell no. I can’t prove it, but that guy was either a rapist or an axe murderer.

    “Worse, though, is that I know cars. You get in that pretty moving box, and you really don’t have any room to maneuver. A lot can happen in that tiny space before you can do anything about it.

    “Hey, maybe I’m just being an idiot, but the news is always yammering about those missing blondes…”

    Though the tape kept winding, there was a pause in the dialogue as a pencil scratched across paper.

    “Yeah, actually,” said the woman, after reading an unseen request. “You’re lucky I’ve made it a professional habit to memorize license numbers.”

    There was a juttering shift in the audio then, and, following a series of clicks, a man’s voice filled the speakers.

    Mulligan recognized it to be that of Gus Kramer, his father’s former partner.

    “You’re sure about the lawyer? Okay, in that case, why don’t you tell us what you’d intended to do with the Ms. Harrison once you knocked her out?”

    The tape head ground on, but there was a deep silence before the response came.

    “Yeah, sure guys, why not?” was the eventual reply. Despite the delay, the man’s tone was cool and clear. “She was the fifth. You’ll find the rest back at my house. The basement will be cold when you enter – I like how, er, pert it makes them, but I really keep it that way to slow the reaction.

    “I built a tank in Dad’s old workshop; well, I had it built for me. I said I needed an incredibly strong giant aquarium.

    “There’s two tubes on either side – are you familiar with casting resin at all? You mix two chemicals together and the goo hardens to something almost like glass. Sometimes, at booths in the mall, you can buy a tarantula in what looks like clear plastic. Basically the same thing.

    “My first stab at a diorama was a failure. I started by dumping too much in, and I didn’t realize how hot the process would get – at her hips, she was screaming in agony. The whole place smelled like flaming chicken.

    “I panicked a bit and finished filling the tank twice as quick. Her thrashing did a surprisingly good job of mixing things, and she was firmly stuck when the liquid stopped her bawling.

    “The end product was terrible, because the resin cracked and went yellow from the heat, but she was good training.

    “I ordered away for industrial stuff, which is way cooler, and number two taught me to do it in stages. She fought forever, though, and I ended up with something that looked like a woman curled in the fetal position at the top of a box, which isn’t exactly sexy.

    “With number three I kept her unconscious till the bottom layer had already set, so that she had the use of the rest of her body, but her feet were pinned in place. From there it climbed a few inches of resin at a time, with a mix that allowed it to set as slowly as possible. Of course, she wanted to remain alive, so she stretched every muscle, with her back arched and face upturned to try and get that last breath.

    “That definitely turned out sexy.

    “Four is beautiful as well, actually – she showed me about the value of props, and now she’ll always be my naughty french maid.

    “I had a school scene in mind for number five. I have a desk and plaid skirt at home waiting for her. Nothing more though – I prefer them topless. I thought I could strap her to her chair beneath the tartan, so that she could still move her arms a bit, and provide the randomness that’s really necessary for a life-like scene.

    “Wouldn’t it be great if I could convince her to keep just one hand raised?

    “I was so excited to see my beautiful liquid glass slide past her cherry lip gloss -”

    The elder Smith stopped the tape, and his son sighed. He knew the case well enough, and that the man the press had dubbed The Cube Killer was long dead from a sharpened prison house toothbrush.

    “I was wrong,” said the younger man, “you also cook before a funeral. The victim?”

    Reaching into his pocket, the retiree retrieved a newspaper obituary for one Doreen Mitchell, mother of three. It indicated that viewings would begin Monday evening, and both Smiths wondered if the accompanying photo had struck many of those who habitually trawled the back-page column as inappropriate. Still, whatever the cut of her dress, the ferocity of the woman’s smile was inescapable.

    Mulligan nodded, considering his words. Finally, he said, “I’ll get my suit pressed in the morning.”

     

    Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

    Freesound.org credits:

    Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

    – and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

    FP270 – Coffin: Infrastructure, Part 3 of 3

    Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and seventy.

    Flash PulpTonight we present Coffin: Infrastructure, Part 3 of 3
    (Part 1Part 2Part 3)
    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp270.mp3]Download MP3
    (RSS / iTunes)

     

    This week’s episodes are brought to you by Haywire.

     

    Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

    Tonight, Will Coffin, urban shaman, and Bunny, his tipsy companion, encounter a twelve-hundred pound canary.

     

    Coffin: Infrastructure, Part 3 of 3

    Written by J.R.D. Skinner
    Art and Narration by Opopanax
    and Audio produced by Jessica May

     

    A half hour of walking had left Bunny wondering if Oregon was an incredibly uneven state, or if she’d perhaps had a bit too much whiskey along the trip.

    Finally, however, the path’s intruding branches had thinned, and the brush had given way to a broad lawn.

    The grass was ankle deep, and dotted with weeds and wild plants, but the trees were meticulously shaved, creating a field of ornate posts holding aloft a thick canopy of green. Cropped maples, bare of foliage for the lowest twenty feet, stood as support to the thick-trunked sequoias that dominated the view. Faces, scenes, and ornate patterns, had been carved into the surface of the lumber, lending the space the feeling of a naturally grown temple.

    At the center, made tiny by the timber pillars that rose around it, was a cabin made of generously applied mortar and rough stone.

    There was a large man at the door, in jeans and a plaid flannel shirt.

    He was smiling.

    “That’s Pa Keeper,” said Coffin. “He’s nice enough, but watch it with the colour commentary. He’s an old fashioned family man.”

    “####, do I refer to him as Pa; or Mr. Keeper; or THE Keeper; or the right honourable Keeper, LLC; or what?”

    “Just call him Levi.

    “Keeper’s not a title, though, it’s his surname. Blackhall picked it. I guess the Victorians were really into that sort of thing.”

    “This guy knew Blackhall?” To Bunny’s fuzzy vision, the nearing man looked about fifty.

    “No, but his great-great-great-great grandfather did, give or take a great. He was the first Keeper – and the first Axe-Holder, which IS a title, of sorts, held by the eldest living Keeper. Actually, a few decades ago this clearing had three other huts in it – two sets of aunts and uncles, and an Axe-Holder’s widower, but there was an, uh, incident, and now Levi’s branch of the clan is all that remains.”

    They were nearly within conversational range with the stranger, but Bunny couldn’t help but make her opinion clear.

    “Understanding the history doesn’t make it sound any less ####ing weird,” she said.

    “You’ve never had trouble calling me Coffin,” Will replied.

    Now that they were within a reasonable distance, he raised his voice.

    “Hello there, it’s been too long.”

    “Too long by half,” replied Keeper.

    * * *

    Before moving into the shelter of the stony walls, Bunny thought she heard something like a bull bellowing in dismay, but, instead of inquiring after the noise, she decided it was a low priority on her list of mysteries to solve for the day.

    The home’s main chamber was a combination of living room, kitchen, and great hall, with a massive fireplace commanding the majority of the northwest corner, and an upper loft which presented a row of bedroom doors behind a mahogany balcony.

    Every wooden surface – the railings, the roof beams, the wall planks – had been adorned with a mix of monstrosities and nature. To her right, on a windowsill overlooking the direction from which they’d come, Bunny noticed a set of detailed trunks that she guessed to be a representation of the forest scene outside. To her eye, the carved bark of the etched trees was worn and faded, but the demons that crept about the image’s edges appeared freshly hewn.

    Despite the ornamentation, however, the focus of the lodging was undeniably the double headed axe which rested above the mantelpiece. Cast from a single piece of silver, the gleam of the wide haft was broken only by the leather bindings that formed its grip.

    At the room’s center was a banquet table, upon which lay a selection of steaming meats and roasted vegetables, hemmed by a double row of place settings. A collection of carafes and decanters were distributed across the planks, the contents of which greatly intrigued Bunny.

    Though there were dozens of chairs set out, none were occupied.

    Still, Coffin found a seat at the furthest end.

    The conversation was largely filled with the personal details of an aging family: The recent departure of his youngest daughter to be married; a particularly successful hunting trip with his son, Mathias; the stubborn nature of his oldest, Malinda. Before long Bunny found she had a greater interest in the gargoyles decorating the walls, and the spiced rum warming her throat.

    Her attention returned, however, when Keeper, with his chair creaking from the stresses of his languid stretch, said “An hour till dark, now.”

    “Time to see the canary?” she asked.

    Will gave her a straight answer, for once, by rising and shrugging his leather-jacketed shoulders.

    * * *

    Due to the increasing gloom, the rougher terrain, and her own drunkenness, Bunny found the second leg of the hike considerably more difficult.

    It did not help that the further they progressed, the nearer they seemed to come to a raging Incredible Hulk imitator with a megaphone. The shouting was sporadic, however, and fell to silence when they arrived.

    They found Malinda, the eldest, sitting upon the cusp of a pit whose edge was as crisply cut as any of the cabin’s engravings.

    She stood and hugged her father, then gave her report.

    “He managed to shatter one of the struts to use as a throwing weapon,” she said, pointing to the projectile, a rectangle of timber which Bunny thought was likely stout enough to act as a police force’s battering ram. “We’ll have to get a replacement in once Bax is napping, but getting that one broken down took a lot out of him, so I don’t think he’ll have much interest in disturbing the backups.”

    The gathered four were clustered at the lip of the drop, and Bunny’s gaze worked busily at the darkness below.

    She’d seen a few quarries in her youth – usually through the windows of a boyfriend’s parked car – and she was somewhat disappointed to discover she’d come all this way just to see another.

    “Wait,” she said, “is this one of them ####ing invisible beasties? I hate that ####.”

    That’s when she realized that what she’d assumed was a shadow on the rocks was actually a tunnel opening at the pit’s bottom.

    From somewhere within came the sound of running.

    “Let’s step back,” said Levi.

    He had the silver axe with him, wrapped in his hands’ bulging knuckles, and Bunny was quick to listen.

    The distant slapping of sprinting feet became the rumble of an approaching train, and the fury was soon followed by an echoing howl.

    Bunny could not see the runner’s attempt to leap the height of the wall, but her shoes trembled with both impacts; its landing midway up the sheer slope, and the heavy fall to the earth after rebounding.

    Coffin had grown preoccupied with the contents of his jacket’s pockets, but the Keepers took a moment to peer over the rim.

    When she dared follow suit, Bunny discovered the naked form of a gargantuan man sprawled across the rocks. Oddly, though he was nearly twenty feet tall, and his limbs and face were of bulbous proportions, his belly was tight, and the skin on his ribs taut.

    “Who are you?” shouted Bax the Maggot Eater. He’d fallen backwards, and now rested on his spine, huffing. “You’re no Keeper, but I’ll happily wrap my tongue around the candy meats at the top of your spine nonetheless.”

    “Maybe he’d be less pissed off if he wasn’t ####ing starving,” Bunny told her fellow spectators.

    “Oh, we push a goat in when it’s needed,” replied Levi, “but you don’t want to overfeed an ogre, I assure you.”

    “Ogre? You’ve got a pet ogre?”

    “The last ogre, no less,” said Malinda, “but he’s not a pet. He killed Mother, and many generations before us. Someday he’ll probably kill Pa, and then, when the axe is mine, me too.”

    “What does the axe do exactly?” asked Bunny.

    The behemoth had begun to right himself, and was punctuating his ascent with a stream of bassy grunts.

    “It’s to kill him, if and when we need to,” responded Levi.

    Coffin cleared his throat, and the trio gathered to turn towards him.

    Having lost their attention, and once again upright, the Maggot Eater let fly with more verbal abuse.

    “When I’m strong again,” he shouted, “I’ll punch a ladder into your prison wall and smash your cabin and piss on your broken bodies. I’ll -”

    The beast’s tirade was cut short as Will stepped into his view. The Maggot Eater’s brow wrinkled then, and panic took his legs.

    Bax’s babbling was incoherent as he bolted through the entrance to his manmade cave.

    Under the last light of the day, the Keepers said goodbye, leaving Coffin and his roommate at the chasm’s brink.

    After sipping at some of the rum supply Will had suggested she carry along, Bunny found herself with a question on her lips.

    “If they’ve got that cleaver to kill the thing, what the #### do they need you for?” she asked.

    “It’s complicated,” replied Will. “I told you there were two rituals. Well, every October, a pair of the Keepers go down and beat the ogre with sticks till he wakes up – The Waking.

    “The Maggot Eater is highly aggressive, but he’s not bright, and by the time he’s on his feet, he’s angry enough to blindly chase them back through the labyrinth of mine shafts that Blackhall had built. The goal for his zoo keepers, at that point, is to make it back to their ropes without being eaten – although I’ve been lead to understand that dangling morsels can look especially delicious.

    “Normally, if he slept a decade, he might be able to muster enough energy to rampage for a week. By interrupting his slumber though, the Keepers can exhaust him early, and, by dawn, he’s usually comatose enough that they can drag him back into his shelter and clean any mess he’s made.

    “The problem, of course, is that he hasn’t gone back to sleep yet, and they woke him weeks ago.

    “It isn’t a good sign, but it’s exactly why he’s kept. He’s like a mystical whale, resting near the top of the occult food chain, pulling energy from the very sea around him. We’re in Oregon because it’s about as far a place as Blackhall could manage from the hotspots to the east, but it isn’t enough anymore.

    “Our canary is restless.”

    Bunny nodded and sipped again from the whiskey bottle she’d refilled from a ceramic pitcher on the banquet table.

    “Fine,” she said, “but that’s The Waking, and you said we were here for The Feast.”

    “Yes,” said Coffin, giving some spin to the silver links in his hands. The wind seemed to find speed with each rotation of the ornate hook at their end.

    “It’s a terrible thing to have to babysit the murderer of your brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, but two hundred years of tradition and family is all these people have. Worse, the ogre isn’t the only thing that’s restless – the dead who got lost in the dark, or didn’t quite make it up the rope, or who simply weren’t fast enough, are also eager to stretch their legs.

    “There’s one thing that can bring them closure, and that’s the death of the Maggot Eater. He’s too important to kill until there’s no other option – until he can no longer be controlled – so they settle for the infrequent opportunity to attend the feast held in their honour, and the living receive the bonus of having an evening of not staring at the hole.”

    He forced his arm into a wider arc, and conversation ceased under the force of the growing storm.

    The Maggot Eater’s screams were lost in the rain as the first translucent figure cleared the brim and made for home.

    (Part 1Part 2Part 3)

     

    Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

    Freesound.org credits:

    Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

    – and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

    FP269 – Coffin: Infrastructure, Part 2 of 3

    Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and sixty-nine.

    Flash PulpTonight we present Coffin: Infrastructure, Part 2 of 3
    (Part 1Part 2Part 3)
    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp269.mp3]Download MP3
    (RSS / iTunes)

     

    This week’s episodes are brought to you by Haywire.

     

    Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

    Tonight, Will Coffin, urban shaman, and Bunny, professional lush, approach a blackened pit in the wilds of rural Oregon.

     

    Coffin: Infrastructure, Part 2 of 3

    Written by J.R.D. Skinner
    Art and Narration by Opopanax
    and Audio produced by Jessica May

     

    Bunny was alone, at a white topped table, sipping from the chipped mug that held her morning coffee. She knew she’d put too much whiskey in, but her irritation at her traveling companion had made her pouring hand heavy.

    Across the motel lobby’s sitting area was a freshly showered man whose black suit stood sharply against the wallpaper’s pastel floral pattern. His cologne was far reaching, and there was a laptop bag at his feet, so she guessed he was likely staying on business. He was rifling the breakfast buffet’s selection of muffins, hoping, Bunny thought, for any that might contain chocolate chips.

    She knew there were none, as she’d eaten the last three.

    Through the entrance’s sliding glass doors she could see Coffin occupying the battered phone booth at the edge of the parking lot, but there was too much distance and filmy dirt between them to speculate on how his call was going.

    Finally, as the cloud of cologne receded through a side exit with a lump of bran in his palm, Will returned the receiver to its cradle.

    Moments later they were in the rented Volkswagen Golf, and heading south.

    Since stepping off of their sudden cross-country flight, Bunny had attempted a passive-aggressive silence, but she was beginning to realize it was akin to teaching a kid proper eating habits by allowing him to devour as much chocolate icing as he wanted.

    Outside her window, Bunny watched an unending procession of rocks and trees slide by.

    “Nice chat?” she asked.

    “I suppose,” he replied.

    “Excellent, excellent – and, if I might enquire, what the #### are we doing in Oregon?”

    “We’ve come to visit some people I know, and the canary they take care of.”

    “So what was that hot rod bull#### last night, and who do you keep talking to on the phone?”

    “The people we’re heading towards – they’re the sort of folks you don’t want to surprise. It’s always best to give them plenty of notice before you approach, and it doesn’t hurt to do them a few favours first either.”

    Bunny’s bottle of Jim Beam gave out as she was considering her reply.

    “Got a few bucks for, uhm, coffee?” she asked, “Mine’s getting a little low.”

    “They don’t sell booze in gas stations here, but I happen to know there’s a store ahead.”

    By the time she returned to the car, Tom Waits was singing too loudly to allow for further conversation.

    * * *

    The cold marked the season as unarguably winter, but snow had yet to touch the thick evergreens beyond the gate at which they parked.

    The fence stretched into the distance on either side of them, though the majority of it cut through the greenery, and was thus invisible from the road.

    Coffin paused at the entrance, gave a badly faked stage-cough, and produced a key.

    Though the chain link looked freshly raised – despite the weather, Bunny could see no sign of rust on the razor wire that ran its length – the lock was flecked with red and hanging from a too-flimsy chain.

    Once inside, she couldn’t help but remark on the fact.

    “Seems like a waste to use such an ancient piece of junk, considering how much the rest of the security must have cost. That thing doesn’t look like it would keep out a determined toddler; I’m surprised it didn’t come apart in your hands.”

    “The clasp isn’t corroded,” said a bassy-voiced sprawling pine on her left, ”it’s always been crimson. It used to be a heavy necklace – a locket, of sorts.

    “It was originally built to keep a queen safe, but it does well as our door stop.”

    “Oh, ####,” replied Bunny, “is this an Ent moot?”

    Will suggested she drink her coffee.

    From within the shelter of the boughs appeared a set of hazel eyes, under which hung a pair of pressed lips. The needles began to shiver, and the form of a youth pulled free of the timber. Bunny realized his invisibility was achieved through the clever combination of makeup and rags.

    “You’re a few months late, Sheriff,” the newcomer told Coffin.

    “I’ve been busy,” replied the leather-jacketed shaman.

    “You think that means it’s been nothing but a slumber party here?”

    “No, I suppose it hasn’t. How’s this: I’ll go apologize to your Pa, then maybe I’ll let you beat me in a few rounds of chess – that is, unless you’ve got too many competitors already lined up?”

    “I’d lead you in, but…” started the teen. He allowed his sentence to trail into a smile.

    “I know the route,” replied Coffin.

    They shook hands and parted ways.

    Five minutes down the thin dirt path, Bunny was damning herself for having been so easily silenced earlier.

    “Who are these guys? Anything spooky?” she asked.

    “Yes and no. They’re berserkers of the old school. Dangerous, but nothing mystical. Ten generations of otherwise normal people raised on rage, ritual, and magic mushrooms. Mathias back there is the middle child, with a living sister on either side of him.”

    “He didn’t seem particularly angry.”

    “Hard to stay mad when the ice cream guy comes. Besides, I happen to know his younger sister, who could likely take us both on at the same time in a bare-knuckle boxing match, is getting married. Being so isolated, the Keepers are very family oriented. We caught them in a good mood, which is lucky, and a bit surprising.”

    “What are they keeping, and what are we doing here?”

    “We’re going to hold a party. These people only have two holidays a year – The Waking, and The Feast. Just be glad we’re here for The Feast.

    “Before you gorge yourself on cheap beer and over-cooked roasted meat, however, we’ve got to check on an angry twelve-hundred-pound canary.”

    (Part 1Part 2Part 3)

     

    Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

    Freesound.org credits:

    Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

    – and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

    FP268 – Coffin: Infrastructure, Part 1 of 3

    Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and sixty-eight.

    Flash PulpTonight we present Coffin: Infrastructure, Part 1 of 3
    (Part 1Part 2Part 3)
    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp268.mp3]Download MP3
    (RSS / iTunes)

     

    This week’s episodes are brought to you by Haywire.

     

    Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

    Tonight, Will Coffin, urban shaman, and Bunny, his wobbly compatriot, find themselves watching a race.

     

    Coffin: Infrastructure, Part 1 of 3

    Written by J.R.D. Skinner
    Art and Narration by Opopanax
    and Audio produced by Jessica May

     

    Nicholas Gretz, in a dirty pair of loose-tongued sneakers, eyed the murky pavement before him. Beside him roared a maroon 1965 Chevelle, which shivered under the forces its idling engine pushed through the bodywork of the car.

    Nicholas had come to see a race.

    Although he stood on the blacktop, the man had no fear of oncoming drivers. In a former life the road had been a highway, but, decades ago, its hazardous contours had caused it to be unhooked from the network that carried vacationing families and heavy-haul transports. The broad ditches had grown thick with underbrush, and the spruce and oak that lined the run sagged over the cement like weeping mourners, crowding the abandoned asphalt.

    It hadn’t seemed so remote when he’d exited the new interstate. It had taken some searching before he could wheel gingerly onto the proper mud track, but, when he’d exited the driver’s seat and stretched his legs, he could hear far-off traffic – now, the close-walled lane was dominated by the rumble of the V8.

    It was five minutes after midnight.

    The evening had brought on a strong moon, but a brewing storm made it difficult for the light to find its way through the trees. Despite the conditions, Nicholas felt as if his gaze could trace every crack and pothole from his position to the turn, a short mile away.

    He’d walked the place enough in the daytime that it might have even been true – he certainly needed no assistance to spot Lena.

    At the distant corner, a girl of eighteen, whose long bleached hair shone against the dim, drifted from the scrub, and took her station at the center of the bend. She wore a men’s white t-shirt, over a ragged pair of jeans, and her thin wrist was laden with a cascade of glowing neon bracelets; pink, green, and purple.

    Nicholas remembered watching that same delicate wrist intently as they’d stood waiting for her mom’s red Buick in the parking lot of Cowan’s roadhouse.

    She’d been working. He’d been loitering.

    “Lena!” he shouted. There was no answer; no look of recognition.

    The girl raised her illuminated bangles, and the Chevelle’s rumbling thickened.

    Gretz had once been a racer. He’d driven a 1987 Buick Regal.

    At 12:11, a brown Ford pickup truck had approached in the northbound lane, and, without thinking, the girl dropped her hand to indicate they should wait, but, instead, had set free the finely-machined steel.

    The air filled with the howl of controlled explosions and youthful disregard, then, with its departure, the Chevelle deposited a smoking layer of quickly-vapourising rubber in its wake.

    Its headlights made no impression on the deep shadows, but its flame-hued rear bumper was somehow easily visible against the gloom.

    Even in the roar, Nicholas recalled how a ‘65 Chevelle had seemed like a relic, and how quick he’d been to tell Dylan such.

    For Gretz, time slowed.

    At the half-mile mark he could see Lena’s face turn to horror, and her neon flailing become panicked.

    CoffinThere’d been some question as to her heart’s preference, but the concern in her round eyes was clearly intended for the Chevelle. Within, Dylan had made an attempt to pull onto the soft shoulder, but his delayed reaction came too late.

    The truck didn’t appear – the driver had spent the rest of his life learning to eat and write with his left hand, but had otherwise survived – and yet the noise was just as real as the original impact. The momentum of the pick-up’s heavy work-engine was enough to deflect the still-turning Chevelle, so that the muscle car’s back-end jumped from the concrete, and the vehicle twisted into the treeline.

    Upon liftoff, however, the rear bumper carried with it Lena’s jaw and skull, sending her airborne in a radiant arc.

    She landed in exactly the spot he’d watched her rise from.

    From within the tangle of bush and timber that had grown along the road’s edge, a soft glimmer played on the leaves, and Gretz realized he was witnessing the afterglow of the wreck’s blaze.

    He began to walk in its direction.

    At the halfway point, he passed the race’s two other observers.

    “I want to respect your privacy, and all that bull####,” said Bunny, “but Oregon’s nights are ####ing cold. Could you shuffle a little faster?”

    Coffin, standing beside her, swung high his arcane silver chain, and kept his focus on the flickering ghost lights that were once a burning car.

    Nicholas’ memory had no trouble filling in the blanks. His legs faltered as he moved beyond where he’d wrestled the Regal to a stop, but pressed on.

    He worked hard to ignore the girl’s broken form as he pushed through the ferns and prodding branches.

    Finally, standing beside the shattered Chevelle, he retrieved a mashed wad of ten dollar bills from the depths of his jeans’ pocket.

    Then, as he’d been instructed, he tossed the money into the wreck’s phantom flames.

    The race had kept him awake at night; Had pulled him from his bed; maybe had ruined his two attempts at marriage. He thought of the bleached blond girl with the supple wrist.

    He began to weep.

    “You win,” Nicholas told the dark, but the destruction had already begun to fade.

    Seconds later, Lena followed.

    (Part 1Part 2Part 3)

     

    Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

    Freesound.org credits:

    Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

    – and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

    FP267 – Mulligan Smith in Use, Part 1 of 1

    Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and sixty-seven.

    Flash PulpTonight we present Mulligan Smith in Use, Part 1 of 1

    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp267.mp3]Download MP3
    (RSS / iTunes)

     

    This week’s episodes are brought to you by Haywire.

     

    Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

    Tonight, Mulligan finds himself chatting with a golf club carrying killer.

     

    Mulligan Smith in Use, Part 1 of 1

    Written by J.R.D. Skinner
    Art and Narration by Opopanax
    and Audio produced by Jessica May

     

    Despite the July heat, Mulligan Smith was still wearing his black hoodie as he sat beneath a broad-limbed elm and sipped at his coke slurpee.

    Mulligan SmithThe grass was thick, and the sun was bright. It was rare for the private investigator, who spent so much of his time wandering Capital City’s concrete, to encounter such an plush expanse of green, and Mulligan was fighting the urge to take off his shoes.

    If he hadn’t had an appointment, he knew he likely would have.

    Finally, his thoughts were invaded by the sudden landing of what looked to be a white egg, some fifteen feet from his freedom-yearning toes.

    A few moments later, a woman appeared to claim the ball.

    “Sure beats a public park, though,” Smith replied to the surprised newcomer’s peaked eyebrow.

    She was forty-four, with hair kept blonde by salon dyes, and a stomach kept flat by her time walking the course. Beneath her white visor – which matched her ivory shorts – she wore thin-rimmed sunglasses.

    “It’s the privacy that makes it nice,” the detective continued, “but what’s the point of spending the effort in maintaining this pristine beauty if so few get a chance to use it?”

    The dark lenses made it tough to judge her reactions, but Mulligan suspected she had an experienced poker face even under the best of conditions.

    “What are you doing here?” she asked.

    “Waiting for you, Carol,” replied Smith.

    “Waiting for me in the rough at the fourth hole’s dog leg?” As she spoke, she retrieved a club from her bag. Her motions were calm, but, then, she had a weapon in her grip.

    “Yes,” said Mulligan. “On Sunday it takes you about twenty minutes to get from the office to here, and another ten to hit the tee. You’re a little slow today, but I guess it’s because you don’t have to race your boss, Hartley, now that you’ve killed him – it was an accident though, right?

    “Anyhow, you also have a terrible tendency to overpower your first stroke on this hole, so I figured this would be a nice place to meet for a quiet chat.

    ”Name’s Mulligan Smith, by the way.”

    “How do you know all this?” asked the golfer.

    She held off on her swing, but it was the only sign that he’d phased her.

    Smith resolved to try harder.

    “I’m a P.I.,” replied Mulligan, “I spent most of last June following you from green to green.”

    “Why?”

    “Your husband thought you were having an affair.”

    The woman snorted, then, with a near-perfect roll of her shoulders, sent the ball high in the air.

    It landed squarely on the fairway.

    “Nicely done,” said Smith. “Of course, I discovered you were doing exactly what you’d said you were: Giving Hartley a mild bit of competition on the links while schmoozing, in hopes of winning a promotion back at the shop. The practice wasn’t getting you anywhere, though, was it? Well, that is, not till his funeral that September.”

    Carol’s motions were deliberate as she returned the five iron back to its wheeled bag. “Guess not, otherwise I’d be on the green. It’s been an interesting chat, but it’s time for me to go.”

    From beyond her retreating shoulder she added, “if you follow me, I’ll call security. Expect a restraining order shortly.”

    “I’ve got video,” replied Mulligan.

    She stopped and turned.

    “Video?”

    “Yeah, a few mean slices, and a few poorly timed hits of the long ball – all aimed generally at your boss’ noggin’.”

    From over the rim of her glasses, Carol squinted.

    “Oh, I get it now: Blackmail. Well, tough luck, pal, it was an accident. It wasn’t me that killed Hartley, it was his popping cyst, which I didn’t know about it.”

    “That’s not what Craig says. He seems to recall you mentioning it repeatedly over the years. He remembers it especially because you don’t often have the chance for conversation.

    “Tough to prove a case like that, maybe, but, between the recordings and your hubby’s word, I think we can probably prod a sympathetic member of the local constabulary into action.

    ”I hear Mrs. Hartley is getting married again – it might give her some comfort.”

    “Craig? – but why?”

    “To hear him tell it, he’s been pretty patient with your years of ass-kissing, but – even after cutting your green time down to just Sundays – once he learned of the extended work hours your promotion was going to mean, he realized your promise of having more time for him would never happen.

    “I’ve been to your place, you know. It reminds me of this golf course, in some ways. Shame to build such a beautiful thing without getting any use out of it.

    “My client is ready to move on. He wants a divorce. He also wants the house and the Prius. Most of all, though, he doesn’t want any arguments or lengthy legal proceedings. He knows how competitive you can get.”

    Behind the tint of her glasses, Carol considered the proposition.

    At the hole’s tee, a trio of frat boys had gathered. Their shaded eyes and exchanged shrugs had not yet worked them up to shouting something at the interfering loiterers, but Smith could tell, even at that distance, that it wouldn’t be long.

    On Mulligan’s left, the sound of sprinklers drifted up from the depths of a small ravine.

    “You know,” said Carol, “I hate golf. The problem is that I got a reputation as a solid player, and, though it didn’t help me with Hartley, it sure opened a few clients’ doors.

    “Fine. Tell Craig – tell him I’m sorry, and that he can have all of it.”

    Clearing his throat, Smith replied, “he’ll courier the paperwork to your office on Monday.”

    She nodded, then, leaving her ball where it lay, she walked from the course and towards the parking lot.

    Once she was gone, the detective stood and wiped the clinging clippings of greenery from his jeans.

    In reality, although he had truly witnessed the near misses, Mulligan had no video. After a week and a half of observation he’d been entirely confident of her marital integrity, and so, as he wasn’t particularly a fan of amateur sports, he’d dumped the video to free up space for future paying endeavours.

    Even if he’d kept it, however, he knew it was an aggrieved husband’s word against his wife’s, and unlikely to gain much traction in court.

    It seemed like poor justice, but he hoped that Hartley’s widow might find some happiness, now that the way had been cleared for her impending marriage to Craig. Perhaps it was nothing more than their mutual sense of abandonment that had held them together since their meeting at a company function, but at least she’d get to spend some of Carol’s money.

    With a shrug, Mulligan headed for his Tercel.

     

    Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

    Freesound.org credits:

    Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

    – and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

    FP266 – All Things Being Equal, Part 1 of 1

    Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and sixty-six.

    Flash PulpTonight we present All Things Being Equal, Part 1 of 1

    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp266.mp3]Download MP3
    (RSS / iTunes)

     

    This week’s episodes are brought to you by All Things Geek.

     

    Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

    Tonight, Capital City finds itself in need of a hero.

     

    All Things Being Equal, Part 1 of 1

    Written by J.R.D. Skinner
    Art and Narration by Opopanax
    and Audio produced by Jessica May

     

    The news had drawn Madeline to the river’s edge.

    In those days, breaking news was a rare event in Capital City, and so, when she’d realized the bridge-jumper pinned beneath the camera’s gaze was only blocks away, she’d hurried to leap on her ten-speed, Galahad.

    As she’d unplugged her cellphone from the charging cord on the kitchen counter, her mom had asked, “Maddy, where you going?” and she’d replied, “to the bridge.”

    Madeline felt some guilt at intentionally not mentioning the gathering crowd and unfolding drama, but the girl had known her mother would be quick to deny her the adventure.

    Now, she was finding it difficult to continue to hold her tongue.

    “Careful, you don’t want to go in with her. Half of ‘em survive the fall, but they at least get a chance to prepare themselves,” stated the nearest officer, at whose back she was staring. “Even then, they always pick up a few broken bones on impact.”

    The figure at the center of the affair endlessly paced a metal beam at the structure’s brink. Though the span was blocked at either end, the suicidal pedestrian sometimes neared to a point just feet from Madeline – so close, the girl thought, that she could almost reach out and pull her to safety.

    It was close enough, certainly, to hear the ragged woman’s sobbed pleas.

    “I’ve tried everything,” she said. “Everything! Why won’t anyone help me?”

    Madeline had, in fact, come to help, but, much to her frustration, the police weren’t letting her through. It annoyed the girl that her experience as a hero meant so little. A year previous, when she’d been ten, she’d managed to save a man’s life.

    She’d found him in a double rutted back-lane running off of Gibraltar Road, crumpled between a huge green compost bin and a white-paneled shed.

    He’d started at her approach, and she could see his oversized black suit was wet with blood.

    “Are you OK?” she’d asked.

    She’d gotten used to watching men fall down when dad was still living with them, but the blood was something new.

    At the sight of it, Madeline had bitten her lip, and repeated her question.

    “Are you OK?”

    “No, not really,” was the man’s reply, but his voice had sounded younger than she’d expected. Turning his head had obviously been a difficult chore, but his eyes had swept left, then right, taking in the full length of the dirt lane’s scrubby bushes and unpainted fences. Maddy had found herself doing the same.

    There was no one else at hand.

    The man had righted himself then, using the shed for leverage and support.

    His fingers painted a red fan on the plastic siding.

    “You don’t happen to have a cell, do you?” he’d asked.

    This was the moment she’d dreamed of as she’d run Galahad through puddles and over curbs, and it almost seemed too easy that the solution would simply pop from her pocket.

    Nonetheless, it was no easy thing for the man.

    The call was short, but the wait was long.

    She kept him talking. He refused to answer any questions about why he was there, but he was happy enough to discuss the manga InuYasha, an unexpected common interest.

    Still, the pain had been intense, and he’d wept as his friends pulled their black van to a stop, but he’d said it: He’d said that she’d saved his life.

    He had also extracted a latex mask – a caricature of a man’s face, with huge sideburns and a wicked grin – from the interior of his coat. It was far too big for her, but she sometimes liked to put it on and stare at herself in her room’s star-stickered mirror.

    Then he’d given her a phone number.

    “If you ever need help – serious help – you text there.

    “I might not answer, but someone will.”

    She’d never used the digits. She hadn’t had a reason to until she wrote, “there’s a lady on the Lethe bridge, and no one’s DOING anything!”

    For fifteen minutes she split her focus between the small message screen, and the bawling woman.

    In despair, she sent a follow-up: “You said you would help me!”

    Another half-hour passed.

    The conflicted had taken to sitting, and creeping her ragged jeans towards the edge of the steel lip that was her too-short seat.

    With tears of frustration in the corners of her eyes, Madeline began shouting at the reluctant officer.

    “You’ve got to do something, damn it!”

    She knew he’d been trying – that he’d been complaining about the lack of a boat on the scene moments before – but her anger at the situation demanded a target.

    “There are protocols. We’re doing everything we can,” he replied. “You just stay calm, li’l lady – or are you a lady? That was some mighty strong language for someone so young.”

    “Wait till you hear the language I’ll use if you don’t do something.”

    “Listen, we’re trying to lock her up as quickly as we can, but -”

    A hush fell over the spectators, causing the bing from Maddy’s pocket to echo like a cough in a library.

    The source number was blocked, and the message said simply, “We’re coming.”

    Suddenly, Maddy was the last thing on the cop’s mind.

    After surveying the river, he turned to his partner.

    “Fuck me,” he said,”it’s The Achievers.”

    Once they’d been little more than Internet myth, a group of anonymous vindicators responding to cries for help from the lost and forgotten.

    Recently, however, they’d grown more brazen.

    A dozen swan boats, each powered by a latex-faced metalhead wearing an oversized black suit, appeared from beyond the waterway’s curve. A tarp was affixed, with taught nylon rigging, to the birds’ sleek white necks, so that a broad expanse of blue stretched between them. At the center of the surface lay, apparently jokingly, a pair of throw pillows.

    As the masked invaders peddled ever to the left, the assembled raft was locked in perpetual rotation, and moved forward only because the river carried it along.

    “God damn Busby Berkeley film,” said the officer.

    “Oi! Come on down, the water’s fine!” shouted the temporarily-nearest Achiever.

    Above, the despondent form stiffened.

    “It’s OK – we’ve done the math!” coaxed the mask, his tone now more serious.

    Seconds lingered. There were no more pleas as the jumper stared from her perch. To Maddy, it felt as if the impending-suicide was simply waiting for the illusion of help to dissipate.

    The girl only had Galahad and her phone, but, again, it would be enough.

    Everyone’s focus was on the boats below, or so they later claimed, as none stepped forward when asked by the press to identify who had thrown the aging hunk of plastic.

    It was a good toss, which landed squarely in the wailer’s cloud of light-brown hair. With a notable thud, the cell ricocheted from her frozen skull, clattered against the steel rail, then dropped onto the makeshift safety net.

    The woman was close behind.

    The suits moved quickly, to secure her in one of the boats, before slicing the ropes that connected them.

    With a wave, The Achievers pull-started the small black engines affixed to their waterfowls, then sped out of sight.

    Finally, grinning, Madeline knocked back Galahad’s kickstand and turned towards home.

     

    Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

    Freesound.org credits:

    Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

    – and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

    FP200 – The Death of Ruby, Part 1 of 1

    Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred.

    Flash PulpTonight we present The Death of Ruby, Part 1 of 1

    Download MP3
    (RSS / iTunes)

     

    Tonight’s episode is brought to you by The Mob.

     

    Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

    Tonight, Ruby meets her end.

     

    The Death of Ruby, Part 1 of 1

    Written by J.R.D. Skinner
    Narration by Peter Church
    with Additional voices by Opopanax, and Dancing Ella
    Art by Opopanax
    and Audio produced by Jessica May

     

    RubyThe party was a quiet affair, just her son, his new fiancee, her parents, and a few friends from town. They’d all parked along the double-rutted lane before entering the yard of her home – one of the last to be able to claim to be truly rural in New York state – and were now seated in the plastic white lawn-chairs she’d scattered around the fire pit.

    Her knee had ached as she mounted the trio of steps that led to her patio, and pushed aside the sliding screen door she used to enter the kitchen. She’d been seeking the double stack of red plastic cups that she’d picked up for the occasion, in preparation for dispensing the rummy punch Maggie had constructed.

    Turning back to the party, with cups in hand, she had paused at the exit, watching Maggie The Server stiffly trundling around the group with the cheese and cracker plate.

    It was while tearing open the transparent wrapper that Ruby spotted the intruder moving into the half-circle of chatting well-wishers.

    “No,” she said, “no, damn you, no.”

    She’d heard the story only two nights before – a former lover of her son’s chosen, unrelenting in his refusal to accept her spurning. The girl had told the tale with tears in her eyes.

    The newcomer ratcheted the shotgun in his hands, and all talk ceased.

    Dropping the cups, the aging woman sprinted to her living room.

    Outside the home, the gate-crasher made his intentions clear. Without breaking for explanation, he leveled his weapon at Mr. McReardon and fired. The proud father’s lawn chair toppled backwards, and the dying man’s brown trouser legs twitched briefly before halting all movement.

    “Angie,” said the gunman, turning on the freshly engaged woman. “This is all your -”

    Barefoot, Ruby made no effort to check her momentum as she plunged through the screen door.

    For a moment she almost seemed to shift in time: There was no more bad knee, there was no sleeping in on high thread-count sheets, there was no escape – there was only Bethany, snatched down from her place on the mantle, and a threat – always a threat – with no answer but the blade.

    Somewhere, she thought she might have heard the old General howl.

    It was only as the mad woman cleared the end of the deck in a single bound, and came pounding the turf in his direction, that the intruder managed to convince himself of the reality of the situation.

    He pulled the trigger, finally, sending burning buckshot into her ribcage, but she briefly shrugged off the effect.

    Then she did what she’d always done, and cleaved his skull.

    Ruby’s last living sight was of the wind ruffling the elms she’d planted thirty-five years earlier.

    * * *

    She woke with Bethany in her hands.

    There was a thin faced woman leaning over her, whose eyes moved continuously between her own and the door of the small thatched hut in which they were seated.

    To Ruby, it seemed not as if she’d woken from a dream, but more as if she’d been distracted during a conversation, and could no longer remember what the topic had been before a sudden interruption.

    “What?” she asked.

    Her custodian smiled.

    “Valhalla – where those who’ve died gloriously are taken.”

    “I – huh.”

    Ruby was surprised to see she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt she’d lost in the early days of the zombie plague, and she wondered briefly what her reflection would reveal should she encounter a mirror.

    There were more pressing questions, however.

    “Who are you?”

    “Most call me Katharina Pfiati, although I was once known simply as The Butcher,” replied her thin-faced companion.”

    “The Butcher?”

    “Yes, there was a night upon which I laid to rest twenty men.”

    “Twenty? How?”

    “Very quietly.”

    The conversation’s lull allowed Ruby to note the gunfire in the distance.

    “I’ve seen Jacob’s Ladder,” she said. “Is this just some crazy last-hurrah rollercoaster ride my brain is giving me while I bleed out on the lawn? Am I about to die hallucinating? Is this world just built on adrenaline and shock? ”

    Before her companion could answer, the cloth blocking her view to the exterior shifted aside, and a man in a slightly vintage US Marine uniform stepped into the room.

    “Nah, the world’s real enough,” he replied. “It’s a bit like a quilt, stitched out of all the notable battlefields. It loops, though – or maybe it’s just round. I once convinced a guy to give me a ride in his sabre jet, and we spent the day doing laps. It took about eight hours to fly across, if my watch is to be trusted. On the other hand, the landscape tends to move every now and then, so don’t get too comfortable with any mental maps you might build.

    “As to the rest, well, you’re already dead, so you ain’t likely to get much deader. You’re also late, which is sort of weird, but sometimes the valkyries like to take the long way home.

    ”Name’s Jenkins, by the way – Cutter or Leroy, whichever you prefer.”

    Despite her ghostly status, Ruby found his handshake reassuringly solid.

    “Time to go meet the boss,” said Cutter.

    “Boss?” she asked. She’d never been a fan of being told what to do.

    Jenkins caught the tone in her voice. “Oh, he’s nice enough. Some of the old timers have a problem with him – apparently he’s only been in management of the place for the last couple hundred years – but Blackhall’s a solid guy.”

    The words made little sense to Ruby, but, as the trio strolled through the smoking remains of a formerly grassy field, it seemed that there would be plenty of time for explanations.

     

    Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

    Freesound.org credits:

    Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

    – and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

    FP265 – Ruby Departed: Wasting Time, Part 6 of 6

    Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and sixty-five.

    Flash PulpTonight we present Ruby Departed: Wasting Time, Part 6 of 6
    (Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6)
    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp265.mp3]Download MP3
    (RSS / iTunes)

     

    This week’s episodes are brought to you by Hume Speaks.

     

    Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

    Tonight, Ruby is caught between devouring flames and devouring dead.

     

    Ruby Departed: Wasting Time, Part 6 of 6

    Written by J.R.D. Skinner
    Art and Narration by Opopanax
    and Audio produced by Jessica May

     

    Ruby Departed

    (Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6)

     

    Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

    Freesound.org credits:

    Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

    – and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

    FP264 – Ruby Departed: Wasting Time, Part 5 of 6

    Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and sixty-four.

    Flash PulpTonight we present Ruby Departed: Wasting Time, Part 5 of 6
    (Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6)
    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp264.mp3]Download MP3
    (RSS / iTunes)

     

    This week’s episodes are brought to you by Hume Speaks.

     

    Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

    Tonight, Ruby encounters a force even more terrifying than the zombies that hunt her.

     

    Ruby Departed: Wasting Time, Part 5 of 6

    Written by J.R.D. Skinner
    Art and Narration by Opopanax
    and Audio produced by Jessica May

     

    Ruby Departed

    (Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6)

     

    Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

    Freesound.org credits:

    Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

    – and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.