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Flash Pulp 140 – Bearing, Part 1 of 1

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode one hundred and forty.

Flash Pulp

Tonight we present, Bearing, Part 1 of 1

[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp140.mp3]
Download MP3
(RSS / iTunes)

 

This week’s episodes are brought to you by the artistic variety of the Nutty Bites Podcast.

Find out more at http://nimlas.org/blog/

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, we enter the home of a family in transition – a family on the cusp of a life-altering move.

 

Flash Pulp 140 – Bearing, Part 1 of 1

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

Carlos was pulled into consciousness by the smell of cooking bacon, and the sound of Aretha Franklin. Both were drifting into the bedroom from the distant kitchen, and he took a moment to bask in their potent combination before damning his late start to the day and climbing out of bed.

He hadn’t risen that way in at least a year’s worth of Sundays – and now it was two weeks till their move to Texas, and his wife’s new job, and he considered the swelling brass and frying pork a hopeful sign.

Violet smiled as he entered the kitchen, and Carlos found himself tearing slightly as he closed the distance to hold her.

They took two brief dance steps together before she was forced to attend her preparations.

“Haven’t seen you smile like that in a while,” she said, scooping a double-helping of flapjacks onto a plate.

“I haven’t been staring down the barrel of a meal this big since Billy and I forced the Chinese buffet place, down on third, into bankruptcy.” He took in the pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, sausages, and the leaning tower of toast. “Seems like you’ve had a busy morning.”

“Just feeling good – and hungry. Yum.”

Billy dragged his heels onto the linoleum, rubbing at his eyes and tugging at the shirt-hem of his dinosaur pajamas.

“Hey, pal,” said Violet. “You look pretty pooped – have a bad sleep?”

“Yeah.” The five year old yawned. ”It was loud all night.”

The boy’s mother and father exchanged an embarrassed smirk, and Carlos began to transfer some of the bounty onto plates.

* * *

ChillerHe awoke to rough shaking.

The clock told him it was just after three in the morning.

“I heard something,” said Violet.

“Huh,” he pinched the sleep from his eyes, “Can you be more specific? Was it a murderer something? A burglar something? A Billy something?”

A month earlier, they’d discovered that their son had taken up the habit of climbing from under his covers and spreading his various collections of Lego, cars, and Batmen, across his floor. Finally sick of his denials, they’d un-boxed their baby monitor, and set it in his room so they might keep tabs on his behaviour.

“I think he’s out of bed and tossing his stuff around. It’s quiet now, but I’d swear that he tipped over his big bucket of trucks a minute ago.”

As they lay staring at the bar of red lights which would flare at any noisy provocation, he began to doze.

He started to a slamming sound, familiar to any afternoon on which Billy was too excited to carefully close his toy box.

Carlos’ brought his feet to the floor, and the annoyance of being turned out of his own bed sped his footsteps down the hall.

Grasping the door handle, he started his lecture.

“Buddy, what do you think -”, even through the night-murk, it was obvious Billy was sleeping peacefully – and yet Carlos still found his foot impaled on the rear-fin of a rogue Batmobile.

“Dad?” asked Billy, his slumber having been interrupted by the truncated chiding.

“Uh, nothing pal,” replied Carlos. “Lie back down, we’ll clean this up tomorrow.”

Violet was asleep by the time he’d finished his detour for a stolen mouthful of milk from the jug, and he thought it best to wait till morning to discuss the possibility of their son’s sleep walking.

Despite the comfort of his sheets, and the warmth of his wife’s nearby body, something sat wrong in his stomach, and it was a long two-hours, spent with his ears strained for any disturbance, before he nodded off.

* * *

Three uneventful days later, with Violet once again on her side, snoring, Carlos was watching Letterman and preparing for sleep.

“Goob, goob, goob,” said the monitor.

In a single, silent, motion, he stood from his bed and reached for a t-shirt. With a steady wrist, he noiselessly exited.

“Buh,” replied the monitor.

Under the photographic eyes of distant cousins and cherished aunts, a moment’s creeping brought him to Billy’s door, where he set his ear against the thick layer of stickers they’d allowed the boy to apply.

There was a pause, then a thud, as if something had been thrown against the nearest wall.

With a twist and a push, the dim glow of the hall’s nightlight followed him inside. The area was once again in a state of disarray, but he didn’t bother to wake Billy.

He’d finally recognized a familiar pattern in the chaos.

The next day he re-packaged the monitor. He also made a point of adjusting his cellphone’s alarm, so that he might rise early to tidy, before Violet woke.

* * *

Three days prior to their departure date, Carlos’ eyes were black with a lack of sleep. Using packing as an excuse, he’d transitioned the equally unrested Billy into the living room, setting him up on the couch for the final phase of the move. The child slept better, and it gave his father an opportunity to sort and discard action figures, as necessary.

A new concern had made itself known on the previous morning, when Billy, carrying a single, gnawed, plastic-arm, had approached Carlos.

“I can’t find the rest of this guy, and look, I think something’s been chewing on him!”

“Huh,” he’d replied, noting the watchful eye of his wife. “Must be a rodent.”

“That’s disgusting,” Violet had stated.

“Can I have it as a pet?” Billy had asked.

“I’ll get some mousetraps,” was Carlos’ reply, He’d pocketed the damaged limb, then added, “good thing we’re moving.”

The issue was that, as the hours ticked down, it wasn’t just the Bat-appendage – nearly every plastic and pliable surface within the boy’s room began to display the nicks and dents of toothy wear.

Once the job was complete, and the last of the Transformers posters, and Star Wars colouring books were sealed, Carlos used buying steaks for supper as an alibi, then deposited every box that had Billy written in thick black marker across its top at a nearby Salvation Army depot.

* * *

Twenty four hours before their scheduled takeoff time, Carlos slammed his son’s former-bedroom’s entrance, and picked a fight with Violet. It wasn’t hard – they’d both been on edge over the impending relocation, and his lack of sleep had done little to brighten his mood.

“What is your problem?” she shouted.

“You know,” he replied. He knew she didn’t.

“You’re being ridiculous. I’m taking Billy to Mom’s for the night, but you’re staying here.” The whole family had intended on embarking from Violet’s Mother’s, but he was happy to cut open the tape on a few boxes to locate bedding if it meant she was leaving immediately.

She did.

When he heard the screen door bang to a close, he let out a deep breath.

Entering the kitchen, he began to fill a bucket with soapy water. As he closed the tap, he paused, thinking he might have heard a distant crying – he was relieved to be wrong. Retrieving a rag, he carried his load to the room he’d been defending.

Carlos could live with Violet’s rage – he knew it was temporary, and he’d much rather take the blame for griping than divulge to his wife that he suspected the spirit of the girl she’d lost during birthing, fourteen months earlier, was slowly aging inside the house.

As he scrubbed at the looping and aimless marker scrawl that now adorned the walls, he began to weep for the child he felt he must abandon for the sanity of his remaining family.

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to skinner@skinner.fm, or the voicemail line at (206) 338-2792 – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

Functional Friday: Texan Caesar

Texan Caesar, from Flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/amzy_yams/3760127347/Today has been filled with a flurry of urgency, and, to top it off, I’ve been forced to abandon the content I’d intended for this afternoon’s post.

As such, I thought it would be a good time to do a little housekeeping.

* * *

Flash Pulp Stats

Episode Count: 139
(In 139 AD Marcus Aurelius was named Caesar.)

Total Run Time: 20.3 Hours
(Seven hours longer than Berlin Alexanderplatz.)

Average Run Time: 8.8 Minutes
(Unfortunately, 8.8 was the magnitude of earthquake that hit Japan today.)

MP3 girth: 1.37GB
(It would require 2019 3.5″ floppy disks to hold it all.)

Most Popular By Region: Texas
(According to wikipedia, the name Texas derives from táyshaʔ, a word in the Caddoan language which means “friends” or “allies”.)

* * *

There’s a small chance that tonight’s script will be rejected by my accomplices, (it deals in some ways with themes familiar to the “banned” episode of the show,) but I think the odds are slim.

Otherwise, things will be posted at the regular bat-time, on the regular bat-channel.

My Friend, Hume.

Earth & the moon

A friend of mine is undertaking a sekret projekt, which I usually avoid talking about, but some of his recent posts are too good not to spread around.

What do you get when you’re tasked with the creation of the universe? Some interesting observations, and a universe.

Call it the principle of proportional bewilderment. As your imagination works through a power sequence, you can become accustomed to each jarring change of scale, but when a new power is introduced, the feeling is temporarily intensified. – Hume Speaks

The Wall Of Death

Wall Of Death Rider

In the early 1900s, vehicles were beginning to achieve speeds that would allow them to defy gravitational forces, and, by the ’30s, exhibitions known as “walls of death” were becoming increasingly popular.

Like any entertainment that sees a market over-saturation, the drivers began to feel a need to push the limits of the sport – as such, they moved to the next logical step: introducing lions into the process.

With over a hundred walls of death traveling the US by the 1930s, perhaps the coolest version was the ‘Liondrome’ in which a rider is accompanied by a tamed lion.

darkroastedblend.com

Wall Of Death - Lion Sidecar

Over the years, animal abuse laws, and simple repetition, have caused the practice to dwindle. However, you can still find the act, without the giant-cat, being performed in rural county fairs, and other locations where life is cheap.

Indian stuntman rides the Wall Of Death

Flash Pulp 139 – Coffin: Condolences, Part 1 of 1

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode one hundred and thirty-nine.

Flash Pulp

Tonight we present, Coffin: Condolences, Part 1 of 1

[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp139.mp3]Download MP3
(RSS / iTunes)

 

This week’s episodes are brought to you by the artistic variety of the Nutty Bites Podcast.

Find out more at http://nimlas.org/blog/

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, Will Coffin, urban shaman, takes his roommate to a bar of ill repute, to meet a man with a volatile history.

 

Flash Pulp 139 – Coffin: Condolences, Part 1 of 1

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

Three weeks after she’d moved in, Will Coffin boarded a city bus with his perennially drunk roommate, Bunny, and escorted her to the only bar he frequented, Dorset’s.

As the behemoth lost momentum and opened to disgorge them at their location, Will chose his words carefully.

“I need you to be very quiet,” he said.

“Huh?” she replied.

Bunny had spent most of the trip occupied with a crossword she’d dug out of some previous passenger’s discarded newspaper, and, while her eyes still roved between the clues and the playing area, Coffin suspected the majority of the available boxes were in little danger of being solved.

He tried again.

“We’re here to meet an old fella. He’s excitable, and you need to remain very still.”

“Does he #### magic like the rest of your friends?”

“He’s not a friend, he’s a client,” he replied. “A sad man – a suicidal fext. I need you to behave, please.”

The spidery tracts left by drink, which ran across Bunny’s cheeks, flushed with annoyance.

“Why did you bring me if I’m just going to be a pain in your ###?”

Will touched his thumb to his throat and scratched.

“If I had left you at the apartment, after a bit of vodka you’d accidentally rip a hole between our dimension and one of infinite terror, at which point everyone’s eyes would be eaten by giant moths, as their feet were being devoured by the burrowing of worms.”

“Holy ####, is that even possible?” Bunny asked, her puzzle forgotten.

“Maybe, maybe not.” He coughed, then added, “don’t touch my stuff.”

His lined face made it difficult to tell if he was smirking.

The short walk brought them to the red-brick facade of Dorset’s. Inside was a darkened main room, with tables scattered about its center, and booths lining three of the walls – the final wall, opposite the door, was dominated by a long run of oak. Behind the bar stood an array of cheap liquor bottles, each in a varying stage of consumption, and Dorset, the owner, as squat as his building.

Will waved to the proprietor as he entered, and the man raised a hand in reply.

Coffin had never seen the place with the lights up, and he thought it was probably to his benefit. Smoking had been banned from the interior for years, but the tavern had retained the scent of the thousands of ghostly cigarettes who’d met their end there.

He approached an already occupied booth, and urged his companion to sit before scooting onto the bench after her.

The occupant, an aging gent with short gray hair and a sharp face, nodded at Coffin’s arrival, and the two exchanged pleasantries in a tongue beyond Bunny’s comprehension.

Despite the language barrier, she could tell that whatever good-humour Will had entered with was soon forgotten.

The client swallowed a mouthful of beer, and locked eyes with Bunny.

“When I was but a boy, my mother made me carry about a portion of my afterbirth, under my left arm. Do you know what that does to a person?”

“Gives him a wicked stench? I dunno,” she replied.

Coffin“No – I am a fext, or became one, at least. A Slavic tradition.” He finished his drink, and signaled Dorset at his station. “I am immortal, well, nearly – the list of items which might kill me is short. In my youth, years ago, I fought in wars. I was a man of bravery and recognition, or so I thought. At the age of forty – although I looked twenty at the time – I charged a cannon battery, with a broken-bladed dagger, and killed all who would stay still long enough. I was drunk at the time, but I doubt any of the dead were beyond nineteen.”

The old man rolled his cup along its bottom edge, shadowing the moist circle of condensation that marked its placement.

He continued.

“What is bravery when no normal blade or bullet can cause you harm?”

Bunny blinked.

“She’s not -,” began Will, only to be interrupted.

“I apologize, my name is Colonel Andrik Korda. I was not expecting such lovely company at my funeral, but I appreciate any friend of Mr Coffin’s.”

“Kind of a ####ty location for a wake – who died?” asked Bunny, brushing back a tangled strand of hair.

“I will. The rest of the guests have yet to arrive. Your friend, he is helping me to do so.”

“Why?” she pressed.

“It pays well,” muttered Coffin.

“I have been here over four-hundred years. I am tired,” said the fext.

Dorset deposited another chilled serving, then stood waiting as the old man retrieved a five-dollar bill from his ratty suit jacket. To ease his search, Korda removed a pristine flintlock pistol from his pocket, and set it down on the table.

Bunny’s eyes moved from the weapon to the establishment’s owner, and back again, but the barkeep did nothing but wait patiently for his due.

Will used the opportunity to return to business.

“It arrived just yesterday,” he set a glass sphere, the width of a nickel, upon the table.

As Dorset returned to his position, to deal with the pressing demands of a blond man in a plaid coat, Andrik eyed the ball.

“It does not seem like much,” he said.

“I have been given every reassurance that it will survive being fired. Just don’t over-powder your pistol.” replied Coffin.

The ancient soldier picked up the bullet that would be the instrument of his destruction, and watched Bunny’s warped shape through its curved surface.

“Four-hundred years is a long ####ing time,” she said, “surely there’s something worth going on for?”

Will turned to her then. His face was impassive. but his eyes worked hard to strangle her words.

Korda also looked the woman over, but a different sort of passion seemed to enter his gaze.

“Well,” said Coffin,“Mrs. Davis’ hands are not entirely unfamiliar with killing either, her former husband can attest to that.”

The news did little to negate the embers stoking in the would-be suicide’s psyche. He smiled.

Will pushed on.

“Why don’t you tell her about what you did during the mid-‘80s.”

Whatever aspirations had awoken in the colonel were snuffed.

“It was a different war – a different place. The chemicals of South America were broad and beautiful. I do not know how many died so that I might powder my nose.” Korda shrugged. “Car bombs are quite a bit more effective when you can simply drive them into the offending party’s living room, look them in the eye, wave, and then detonate the trigger.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Anyhow,” Coffin said, standing. “The rest of your mourners will be here shortly, so we’ll pay our respects and get moving along. I have your payment, and you have my thanks – and condolences.”

Will exchanged a handshake with the dying man, then departed, with Bunny in tow.

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to skinner@skinner.fm, or the voicemail line at (206) 338-2792 – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

The Universe is a Cruel Slapstick Comedian

Bobby Leach (1858 in Cornwall, England – April 26, 1926) was the second person to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel, after Annie Taylor, and the first male to ever do so, accomplishing the feat on July 25, 1911.

wikipedia

Bobby Leach with his capsule

A brave fellow, risking the sort of death-defying business we’ve generally outlawed, or outgrown, in the interim years.

Leach made a living, for a time, from his gamble – but cosmic justice is a cruel mistress.

(The emphasis is mine.)

In 1926 while on a publicity tour in New Zealand, Leach injured his leg when he slipped on an orange peel (according to some reports, it was a banana peel). The leg became infected […] Bobby Leach died two months later.

wikipedia

Our Terrifying Future: Working Stiffs

Rosie The Roboteer (artist unknown)

No slavery can be abolished without a double emancipation, and the master will benefit by freedom more than the freed-man.

– Thomas Huxley

Below is a test for the Geminoid DK, a facial replica of Professor Henrik Scharfe, from Denmark’s Aalborg University. My understanding is that this was recorded early in the test cycle, and that the project is now focused on smoothing the bot’s motion out for a more natural feel.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZlLNVmaPbM]

Next, as those who’ve been reading the site a while already know, is the Petman, from my main roboticist-crushes, Boston Dynamics – the same people bringing us robotic attack kitties.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ja_UsmXVPVk]

Interestingly, coinciding with their cheetah announcement, BD was also awarded a contract for a project named Atlas, a humanoid robot. While I can’t seem to locate a specified end-goal for the Atlas project, I suspect from the name that it’s meant as an agile carry-bot, a metal-man to hold the baggage while combat troops go about their major preoccupation of pointing guns at people.

Atlas’s predecessor, PETMAN, was built to test out chemical weapons protective suits for the Army by “walking, crawling and doing a variety of suit-stressing calisthenics” and “simulat[ing] human physiology.” – homelandsecuritynewswire.com

The last iteration of Petman - before the announcement of Atlas
The last iteration of Petman. (Taken before the announcement of Atlas.)
Do I think we’re a decade from seeing a war fought Terminator-style? No.

The thing is, though, that we’re eerily close – maybe not in ten years, but definitely in my lifetime.

People tend to project a lot of their own humanity onto non-living objects, and I’m left to wonder if I’ll name the unit that assists me in getting in and out of bed when I’m an old man.

That may seem like a bit of a leap, but this sort of technology tends to follow a relatively reliable chain: the military funds the research, law enforcement & fire departments adopt it, then it becomes a matter of public use.

How will we feel about having finally made true the old science fiction trope of the flabby masters ruling over a physically superior group of workers? I suspect a new breed of inferiority complex will spring up, but, on the other hand, our houses will be very tidy.

I also suspect market penetration will run something like the old TV and radio days. While we’ll have certainly heard of their military uses, our first live interaction with Son-Of-Atlas will likely involve passing a unit on the street as it’s walking its owner’s poodle. Next will come professional services, (Rent-a-Maidroid,) and then, eventually, it will be a matter of, “What, you guys don’t have a dishwasher robotic slave?”

Slave may sound like a harsh term, but there will definitely be some level of class system.

If you think it’s tough trying to get a bottle of hand-lotion onto an airplane, wait till you try and board with your automated man-servant. When your local bartender informs you that “we don’t serve their kind here,” you’ll have to accept it – you’d no more want a patron with a loaded gun in one hand, and a bottle of whiskey in the other, than you’d want a hyper-powerful neck-snapper, with a head full of buggy military software pirated from the internet, at the beck and call of an ill-tempered drunk.

It’s just a matter of time; how will you treat the drudge that is likely to out-survive you?
u-BOT 5 is a robot designed by researchers at the University of Massachusetts. - http://www.geekologie.com/2008/04/ubot_5_robot_designed_to_help.php

Internet Snapshot

A screenshot from govcentral.monster.com – where people go to find employment amongst America’s critical functions:
Lady Gaga Puppet Of Illuminati Mind ControlI guess potential employees need to be kept abreast of the latest CIA projects.

Also, while I’m throwing out screen-grabs, here’s one I found yesterday while visiting one of my favourite census data sites. It’s a Google ad regarding a service that, honestly, I wasn’t aware there was a demand for:

Ghetto Names Search

– and to think, up till now I’ve been searching for ghetto baby names one engine at a time!

Our Terrifying Future: More Robo-Kitten

Steampunk Cheetah Statue by Andrew Chase (http://www.andrewchase.com)It wasn’t long ago that I discussed the robotic cheetahs being developed by Boston Dynamics, but it only just occurred to me that there’s no reason they couldn’t build a mountable version.

One possible future: at an American combat base, dawn is just clearing the Afghani mountains and shedding some light on the already ongoing firefight between US and Taliban forces. The chips are down; the Americans are well armed, but heavily outnumbered, and they know the mujahideen are preparing for a final push.

After many frantic radio requests, salvation finally arrives – from the mountain pass comes a terrible grinding, then, roaring through the dust, cavalry saddled on mechanical panthers flood the scene.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QMaS4pB9rw]

Alternatively: the sun is beating down on Juan Munoz, fourteen, as he attempts to escape the nation whose problems have killed his older brothers, left his sisters in ruin, and shattered the heart of his mother.

A bad landing while jumping a fence has slowed him, and the stink of the river he was forced to wade has stuck to him, even if the cooling moisture has not – still, he reflects with a smile, he is nearly there.

That’s when he spots the monster.

A six-foot-long beast, with a man on its back, trots a long circle around his position, eying him. Before the boy can move to evade, the thing wheels on him, closing the distance in the blink of a motorized eye.

It will be another hour, with his leg held awkwardly in the mouth of the feline automaton, until further Border Patrol agents arrive to process his capture.

Askold Zapashny of the Zapashny Brothers Circus in St. Petersburg