Tag: cnn

Robots: The Great Capitalist Lie

Is the lead for this CNN article supposed to be pulling in people who’ve just stepped out of a viewing of Metropolis?


Are we really having to convince people that robots aren’t a figment of popular imagination like ghosts, aliens or bigfoot?

Maybe there are a group, like flat-Earthers or Moon landing nuts, of robot deniers who’ve carefully taken apart Short Circuit 1 & 2 frame by frame and can prove that robot technology simply isn’t possible.

(Side note: Did you know the constant cannibal-churn of Hollywood has brought us to the point where they’re actually in the process of re-making Short Circuit for 2011?)

(*I also kind of expected this to lead into an Old Glory Inusrance commercial.)


A screen grab from CNN:

General On CNNWill spend entire weekend in his room listening to New Found Glory and weepily texting his girlfriend.

It’s a shame the General isn’t in some sort of position to make changes to the way the military operates, it must really tear him up inside to feel so helpless.

C'mon, CNN

CNN asks the tough questions

From a while ago, but I’ve only just re-discovered it on my drive.

I think CNN should have really dug to the real questions for the article: Should your wife have any friends? Should your wife speak unless spoken to? Should your wife spend so long in the kitchen “cleaning” in an attempt to throw you off about how many Bloody Marys she’s had to slam to be able to sit through your tedious hawing at According To Jim reruns?

The first actual question that comes to mind is: Should CNN allow people suffering from marital uncertainty to post news articles on their front page?

More Wild Things

CNN has an article up reporting that some parents are complaining about the Where The Wild Things Are movie.

Might I suggest they stick to watching things more their speed, and leave the good movies for the kids smart enough to understand them.

Here’s something they can get excited about:


[If I wasn’t clear enough in my last post, I thought the film was fantastic, and so did the two six year olds I brought with me.]

It's Winter. It's Cold.

The CNN Headline Generator is on the case once again.

The snow, it burns!

I refuse to take the “Canadians smirk” or an SNL style “Oh Really?” tact on this, mostly because I love the almost mad lib aspect of it:

Frankenstein’s Monster: Fire hurts, makes ‘skin burn’


Child: Grandma’s boring, makes ‘sucky afternoon’


Iowan: Hamburger Helper, makes ‘a great meal’

Excluding the Exclusionists

This whole piece is poop, but by assaulting the money shot I think I can easily point out the stupidity:

Jordan Lorence, Not Gay
Jordan Lorence, Not Gay

“It won’t. But it will surely send a message to those who believe in marriage, that they will be viciously attacked for expressing, or merely believing, that marriage is defined as between one man and one woman. Ms. Kolbert provides just the latest example of how the forces of “tolerance” and “diversity” quickly abandon their principles of “live and let live” when somebody disagrees with them.”

Not only does Mr Lorence admit that his side (apparently Christianity) isn’t one for “tolerance” or “diversity”, but the bulk of his argument is “Hey, you guys said you would accept everybody!” which seems like an odd turn about for mudslinging. This kind of “Aw, c’mon guys!” argument sounds doubly hollow from the whistling throat of a member of the church.

I’m sure in the name of Judge Not\the LORD therefore be judge\etc, Mr. Lorence’s church has found a passionately gay man to say some words before the next few Sunday sermons. Actually, that’s not the best example despite it being a nice bit of turnabout, more appropriate might be inviting a militant atheist to speak. The logic of why this wouldn’t please everyone is obvious to any adult.

Rick Warren, not gay
Rick Warren, Not Gay

There are apparently people trying to soften the reasoning for Warren not being wanted at the inauguration, giving idiots like Lorence room to hide, so let’s be clear: He’s unwanted because Obama ran, and won, on a progressive platform, one of the major tenants of which Warren vehemently opposes. While articles like Lorence’s may serve to whip up the angrys who still have time to be upset about gay marriage and not just that they can no longer pay their mortgage, its infantile whininess simply underscores the dumb beast that is that portion of the right that’s still obsessed with other people’s dinkies and hoohahs.

Hulk Smash CNN

The news media, long being a tug of war between information and idiocy, often displays its worst tendencies on the CNN front page:

CNN Front Page Screen Shot
Surely this can't be true.

Huh. I’ve also heard that there’s no good way to turn putting down your dog into edutainment, nor any good way to sit in a tiny overly white room as your family huddles around the last rattling gasp of a dying grandfather. I wonder how many child soldiers, after a long afternoon of removing the hands from an entire village’s worth of corpses, think: “Jeez, really, shouldn’t there be a good way of doing this. Where’s the job satisfaction? Where’s the laughter? Maybe we should institute casual Fridays.”