http://twitter.com/#!/JRDSkinner/status/67284075538415617
http://twitter.com/#!/JRDSkinner/status/69151507009908736
http://twitter.com/#!/JRDSkinner/status/68710686771003392
http://twitter.com/#!/JRDSkinner/status/68324590979530752
http://twitter.com/#!/JRDSkinner/status/67998579540770816
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http://twitter.com/#!/JRDSkinner/status/69465512760979456
Skinner Co. Employees: Call your mother – she worries.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 6, 2011
Writing: How people become acquainted with the details of the ceiling above their work area.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 6, 2011
Skinner Co. Valet Staff: Consider this a belated reminder that your insurance benefits do not cover jumping buses,flaming pits, or sharks.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 5, 2011
Skinner Co. Foundry Workers: While we respect your enthusiasm for Star Wars, metal bikinis do not constitute proper work attire.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 4, 2011
I’m going to start a rumour that all of our leaders were created in labs by political scientists.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 3, 2011
Skinner Co. Clientele: To prevent legal risk-exposure, we are obligated to inform you that we ARE afraid of SOME ghosts.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 1, 2011
Watching Ad Sense pull keywords for flashpulp.com is fun – listings are currently split between funeral homes and “Asian Female For Love”
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 2, 2011
Skinner Co. Staff: Despite a rabies outbreak in accounting, rumours of a vigilante playboy millionaire running the corporation are unfounded
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 2, 2011
Skinner Co. Employees: Please remember that the 19th floor’s escape pods are for management only.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 27, 2011
As I’m covered in youts, on a dozen occasions so far today I’ve had to use the age-old reply of “chicken butt”.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 25, 2011
Easter? I barely know’er! #NotEvenSureWhatThatMeans
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 24, 2011
“Horse Feathers” was coined by the same fellow who made up “Heebie Jeebies”. #seriously #GoogleIt http://instagr.am/p/DpKll/
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 28, 2011
Wow, is it already “crawl under the desk and hide”-o’clock?
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 27, 2011
Skinner Co. Employees: In case of apocalypse, please power down your computer fully before panicking and/or cannibalizing your workmates.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 28, 2011
Skinner Co. Mortuary Dept.: Take Your Child To Work Day is delayed until new waivers are drawn up for the “Mr. Robo-autopsy” beta period.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 30, 2011
http://twitter.com/#!/JRDSkinner/status/58590873163808768
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A reminder for Skinner Co. Employees: Cannibalism is NOT an option, no matter how long the meeting runs.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) February 17, 2011
Who 1st thought: “Let’s smear bread with garlicky butter, then toast it”? I need a name, as I intend to lobby for a holiday in their honour.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) February 16, 2011
Why was everyone excited about the Grammys? I’ve been watching them since Sunday; all they do is knit, drink tea, and nod off for naps.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) February 15, 2011
Skinner Co. will be holding mandatory cultural sensitivity training today, largely due to the fallout from the “Kung Fu Fighting” dance-off.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) February 15, 2011
When I was a child, I loved Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Now, however, I am a man, and want Reese’s Peanut Butter Mugs, or possibly Steins.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) February 15, 2011
Idea: A catalogue of the world based on each nation’s giant monster representative. Japan=Godzilla, America=Kong, Britain=Gorgo, etc.
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) February 19, 2011
The English language requires more words for “meat.”
— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) February 15, 2011
