Category: CNN Asks

Questionable CNN

When CNN finds itself confused, I step in to help.
Will Congress heed Obama's call? – because, seriously, he’s been phoning non-stop for something like two years now, and they usually just let it go to voicemail.

Will Egypt follow Tunisia's lead?I believe so, I’ve heard that Tunisia is an excellent dancer.
I think this is really derived from a dissatisfaction with repetition. Let’s can the symphonic work and get something fresh out there – Daft Punk, for example, did an amazing job on the Tron: Legacy soundtrack.

Botox? Wine bars? 13 unusual perksDespite CNN’s repeated attempts at playing matchmaker, I continue to refuse Meg Ryan’s proposal of marriage.

Baseball's first $300 million man?Finally, something sports related that I can get excited about – bring on the cyborgs!

Call and Response with CNN

Sometimes CNN becomes confused and starts asking questions it should – as a massive journalistic organization – be able to answer. On those occasions, I step in with some assistance.

Should you look for work in China?Uh oh, why? Have you been talking to my boss? What have you heard?

Can Boehner's GOP deliver?Yes, and I believe their guarantee is that the pizza will arrive within forty minutes, or it’s tax free – I just hope they get those mobile Interac machines, my credit card is maxed.

Too much hustle in the NBA?I’m no sports fan, but I know that, on those few occasions when I do end up catching a game, all I keep thinking is: “Man, I wish this could be slower somehow. Can we get everyone wearing inappropriately heavy clothing, and maybe some ankle weights?”

While I’m at it, I should add that I’m also a little concerned about all that putting of the ball through the hoop.

Is it safe to fly with a two-week-old?This is obviously a trick question: has the two-week-old completed his or her 40 hours of instructed flight time to obtain their solo license?

The Great LOLCatsby

The Great Gatsby's Cover Art

“I’ve been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might sober me up to sit in a library.”

– F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

I don’t have time to do a full CNN Asks for today, but I did want to draw attention to this item:Gatsby in 3D
I hope I’m not the only one who finds the idea of a 3D version of a tale about the shallowness of the quest for money, and the useless gaudiness of a passing era, both funny and tragic.

News Flash

Sometimes CNN has questions, and, usually, I have answers.
Alec Baldwin the politician?Sure, why not give his brothers further reason to wish they were him.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_P7yWnAAd0]

Nancy GraceI realize this isn’t a question, but it is a description of every single Nancy Grace news-piece ever produced.
Ever tried French dining?Sure, that’s when you eat with someone else’s tongue in your mouth, right?

A brief joust with CNN

Sometimes CNN’s front page gets confused, and, at those times, I lend a helping hand.

I realize this isn’t a question, I just thought it was cute that they let Bret Michaels’ mom post something on their front page.

I expect a follow-up tomorrow morning: “Why Doesn’t Bret Michaels Call His Parents More Often? They worry.”

Should the sun rise? Should humanity continue to breath? Should monkeys be dressed up in people clothing and given cigars? Should CNN stop asking obvious questions?

Maybe, but, unfortunately, much in the same way that a high-speed car crash can save you from cancer.

I’m hoping for a Broadway show, possibly followed by a book tour.

CNN Has Questions (and Turkey)

Periodically CNN.com gets confused about who’s asking the questions, and who’s supposed to be answering them, so I pitch in a helping hand to clear up the confusion.

Uh, I believe it’s a right and then another right at the desert. Wait, no, maybe it’s a right and then – hmm.

You know what? Let me check Google maps and get back to you.

Anderson Cooper is actually already on his way over to your house to cough on your meal, so, unfortunately, yes.

CNN Front pageAye, you’ve got to punch them in their bad wing.

CNN Front pageThis isn’t actually a question, but it is a perfect example of why you want to be sure to kill and pluck your turkey before attempting to deep fry it.