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FlashCast 008 – Rubber Suits

FC08 - Rubber Suits[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashCast008.mp3](Download/iTunes)

Prepare yourself for Thor, crabs, missing f-bombs, rubber monster suits, and Will Coffin.

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If you have comments, questions or suggestions, you can find us at http://skinner.fm, call our voicemail line at (206) 338-2792, or email us text or mp3s to skinner@skinner.fm.

FlashCast is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Treasure Hunters

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pisNkBfDvHE]

This isn’t the newest version of this gold buyer’s commercial, but it’s all I could find on youtube.

What I wanted to discuss was item #3 on their list, “private, confidential meetings,” as it’s actually the final selling point in the newest iteration of their pitch.

While they attempt to class it up a bit by having a woman in a suit play the customer, it seems to me that if you’re going to a gold buyer for a “private, confidential meeting”, it’s likely less a case of “I don’t want to be seen selling over the counter with the rest of the riffraff”, and more a case of: “I’ve stolen this from my ailing grandmother, and want to know if you’ll buy it without my having to risk a call to the police”. Gold

Cool Guy Syndrome

Star Wars Fine ArtHave you ever heard of Stendahl’s Syndrome?

Stendhal syndrome, Stendhal’s syndrome, hyperkulturemia, or Florence syndrome is a psychosomatic illness that causes rapid heartbeat, dizziness, fainting, confusion and even hallucinations when an individual is exposed to art, usually when the art is particularly beautiful or a large amount of art is in a single place.

wikipedia

I don’t mean to be insensitive to anyone’s condition, but this strikes me as the kind of thing Hipsters pretend to suffer from, just to prove how intensely into some avant-garde piece they are.

Also, what counts as “fine” art? Do a few hundred hallucinating Grateful Dead fans, under the influence of heavy narcotics, count as cases of pseudo-Stendhal’s?

Flash Pulp 132 – Mulligan Smith and The Navel Gazer, Part 1 of 1

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode one hundred and thirty-two.

Flash Pulp

Tonight we present: Mulligan Smith and The Navel Gazer, Part 1 of 1

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This week’s episodes are brought to you by Flash Pulp on iTunes.

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Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, Mulligan Smith meets a fellow conspirator while watching for a corpulent criminal.

 

Flash Pulp 132 – Mulligan Smith and The Navel Gazer, Part 1 of 1

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

Security at the building was tight; Mulligan had already been asked to leave twice, and he suspected his picture was now hanging behind the reception desk, or beside the bank of monitors that tied together the boxy-cameras mounted on every corner and in every hall.

He’d been lead to the rental condos by a snail’s trail of paperwork that followed his accountant-turned-embezzler target, but the nature of the twenty-six floor tower – a home for out-of-town businessmen and government workers who required lodging while visiting the city to complete lengthy projects – meant the staff were well paid to root out anything that might make the occupants uncomfortable.

Smith, with his black hoodie and prying eyes, had fallen into that category.

Still, he knew the rotund accountant was somewhere inside, and the employees could do little about the PI spending his time in the small park adjacent to the rear of the building. Although it made a great selling point for the rare family who rented space in the glass and cement structure, it was on public land, and Mulligan was left alone to maintain his vigil with an unobstructed view of the tenant’s sedans and SUVs.

It was his third day, and he was beginning to feel like he’d memorized the face of every resident without having come across a match for the man whose receipt signature had led him to his stakeout. He’d spent much of the time accompanied by a silent eight year old, who busied herself with a pair of cracked, folding opera-glasses, which she used as binoculars, and a multi-pronged pocket knife, which made Mulligan nervous for her fingers.

On the previous evening he’d matched the urchin to her parents: a suit and a drunk, who let her run wild as soon as the work day began. Neither had the mustachioed look of the wide-mouthed, and beady-eyed, CPA.

Mulligan SmithThe girl’s clothing appeared costly, but unwashed, and her nails were grimy from the hours she’d spent hunkered down in the sand-pit that provided a soft landing to the playground’s winding yellow slide. He’d never seen her climb the plastic steps; she’d simply used the pit to lower her profile as she surveyed the same door he pretended not to be watching from his paint-flecked picnic table.

They’d successfully ignored each other for the most part, but, on that third afternoon, the stringy-haired blond-spy took a seat on the bench across from his own.

She tore the plastic from a package of Lunchables, and offered him a cracker with cheese and pepperoni.

“No thanks,” he replied, retrieving his own brown paper bag of food and fishing out a half eaten PB&J.

The stack of sodium went down in a single bite, and she eyed him as she prepared the next.

“Are you here about the clone?”

Suppressing a laugh was a talent Smith had learned young, and he returned the stern look of consideration that she gave him.

“What do you know about it?” he asked.

Her gaze widened.

“I used to like to swim in the basement, but last week I saw him – I probably wouldn’t have noticed, but he was yelling at me ‘cause I was running beside the pool.” She completed her cracker sandwich and scratched an errant itch at her temple. “I know I’m not supposed to, but he could have said it nicer.”

Mulligan cleared his throat.

“Listen, normally you shouldn’t talk to strangers in the park – ”

“You’ve been here a long time, and you look OK.”

“It doesn’t matter, you shouldn’t talk to strangers.” As he spoke, her face slid into dejection. He felt compelled by guilt and curiosity to fill the growing hush. “- but, uh, you saw a man in the pool who you think is a clone?”

“Yep.”

“What gave you the impression that he’s the result of some terrible science experiment gone awry?”

“Huh?”

“Why do you think he was made by a mad scientist?”

“He’s got no belly button. I’ve seen that on TV!”

“So you’ve been hanging out here watching for him?”

“I’m investigating and waiting.” She ripped open the Kit Kat bar provided for dessert. “I ain’t swimming with no clone.”

Smith nodded.

“A good plan.”

This seemed to be enough to affirm her theory, and they finished their lunches in silence.

As he swung a leg out to deposit his trash in a proper receptacle, the girl stood with a sudden exclamation.

“Holy crapoli! There he is!”

She dived to the turf as a tanned man in a breezy tropical shirt made his way out of his crisp black Cadillac – entirely oblivious to either of them – and entered the condominium.

Mulligan covered his annoyance with a string of muttered pseudo-cussing.

“Frakking Shazbot! That effing a-hole!

He’d noted the high-cheek bones and lanky face on several occasions during his wait, but it hadn’t truly registered till that moment.

An hour later, as two uniformed police officers lead the gaunt man from the same doors the PI had been surveilling, Smith congratulated the excited amateur sleuth.

“You’re pretty sharp to have noticed his missing navel, and it isn’t your fault you didn’t know that a tummy tuck could also remove his innie or outie. Next time you can Google it – my clients have been looking for this guy for a long time, and I’m guessing a laptop might be the kind of reward that would help keep you out of trouble. Just don’t bring it with you into the pool – and, seriously, don’t talk to strange men hanging out in parks, whatever they may look like.”

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License. Text and audio commentaries can be sent to skinner@skinner.fm, or the voicemail line at (206) 338-2792 – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

My Hidden Agenda

Flash PulpWe’ll be posting the FlashCast we were supposed to record yesterday, tomorrow. We’ve got a lot of great content for it, but it was a long weekend in our little corner of the interverse and we found ourselves with a full social schedule.

Although I consider FC to be a bit of a floater show – to be accomplished when the stars align properly – we’ve got a lot of great content in the hopper, and I’m quite excited to record.

This, of course, in no way effects the Flash Pulp schedule for the week. Tonight: Mulligan Smith does some navel gazing.

Lib

A video grab shows Saif al-Islam, son of Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi, speaking during an address on state television in Tripoli

Gaddafi’s son Saif al-Islam addressed the public via state TV, speaking about a “plot against Libya” led by Islamists. He also said most protesters were drunk and/or high and that the death count had been grossly exaggerated.

Neon Tommy

Although I’ve been watching things intently, I don’t have much to say on the current spat of uprisings in the Middle East – I’d love to show up and do my usual “Rah Rah, Technology!” bit, but it’s tough to be enthused when people are being gunned down in the street.

However, I did want to briefly discuss Saif Qaddafi, son of Muammar, long considered the most liberal aspect of the Libyan dictatorship.

(Which, frankly, is something like saying “the friendliest of the rabid bears”.)

Look at the picture above – a still from a recent television address regarding the protests.

If the people gathering in the squares, signs in hand, are the young and bright seeking a better tomorrow, than Saif, in every aspect, appears to be a middle-management drone, who’s come to tell us we’ll need to work next Saturday, for our own good. To me, he rings of that fellow you know who goes on at length about entrepreneurship, but has never run a successful business.

I find this interesting in two ways:

  1. Despite their stated positions, and the fact that a large portion of their platform is founded on cultural defense from the West, media penetration has gone so deep that there still seems to be a hankering for apparel that wouldn’t look out of place on Mad Men.
  2. If we’re going to project our own desire for change, and a hope for a brighter future, onto the protests – if we’re going to say “they are us” – then we need to expand our consideration beyond just the scrappy underdogs we’re rooting for, and consider just how many of “them” are “us”, and which of “us” they are.

Sunday Summary: Meat & Monsters

Iron Man is kind of a bad dad
Iron Man is kind of a bad dad

Watch For Alien Abductions
Watch For Alien Abductions


Creepy CPR Baby

Old Man Sharkey

Greenland Shark from National GeographicWhile doing some research, I came across a few odd facts regarding the Greenland Shark that I wanted to pass on. For example: no one is really sure of their exact lifespan, but wikipedia presents the general consensus:

The Greenland shark is known to be long-lived, with an estimated maximum life span of over 200 years.

No worries though – this old fellow, despite being nearly blind from a parasite eating its corneas, has a meal plan:

This shark has a bioluminescent ( glowing ) copepods attached to the Greenland shark’s corneas. This may attract curious prey to the shark’s head. – aasharks.com

He’s also a bit of a grump, and doesn’t take guff from any hooligan polar bears who may want to play on his front lawn.

Scientists researching how far sharks hunt seals in the Arctic were stunned in June to find part of the jaw of a young polar bear in the stomach of a Greenland shark, a species that favours polar waters. – dailymail.co.uk

I see a movie deal on SyFy in this guy’s future.Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus