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Flash Pulp 036 – The Last Ghost Story: A Blackhall Tale, Part 3 of 3

Welcome to Flash Pulp, Episode Thirty-Six.

Flash PulpTonight: The Last Ghost Story: A Blackhall Tale, Part 3 of 3

(Part 1Part 2Part 3)

[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp036.mp3](Click play to listen or subscribe via libsyn RSS or iTunes)

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This evening’s episode is brought to you in part by Mr Blog’s Tepid Ride – One man’s rants on television, society, and the ridiculously gaping plot holes in reality – all peppered with a peculiarly in-depth knowledge of the history of Superman.

Find it at: bmj2k.wordpress.com

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – 400 to 600 words brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight we hear the conclusion of our current serial, as told by Thomas Blackhall himself.

Flash Pulp 036 – The Last Ghost Story: A Blackhall Tale, Part 3 of 3

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

“He must have twisted away in the final moment, for the blow that struck Porter down had landed at the rear of his skull, and there was still hope for an open casket.”

Thomas Blackhall paused a moment in his story, sipping from his ale.

“Knowing it would be a few hours until anyone might make it out to the house, I dragged him inside. I had no interest in returning only to find his nose or cheek had gone missing down some fox’s gullet.

“I was doing my best to keep things orderly, but it was an awkward position – should I drag him by the arms and risk getting some of him on me, or by the heels and risk leaving some behind? In the end I removed his coat and wrapped it about his head and neck. It was just as well, it was becoming increasingly difficult to meet his steady gaze. I’ve as strong a stomach as anyone who kills and cooks his own meals, but it was quite a wound, and it was still the face of a man staring back at me.

“Anyhow – no matter where I placed my hands, his sag was awkward. By the time I’d reached the mid-point of the stairs, my breathing was laboured, and his limp form made it impossible to find a single posture in which I might remain steady.

From across the table, O’Connor, the half-pay Sergeant, interrupted.

“Up the staircase?”

“There was a hole in the kitchen’s wall, and at the smell of blood a fox or coyote would just as gladly go round than knock,” Blackhall replied.

“But what of Milly?” Bigs Calhoun asked.

“I was half way up when the woman made her presence once again known – there was a slam and rattle as she moved vigorously about the upper floor.

“I will not repeat my language here, but in defense of my conduct, I would argue it is difficult for any gentleman to maintain his composure while carrying the dead body of an acquaintance up a staircase.

“My outburst seemed to bring her up short, and I laid Porter down in the former nursery, unmolested.

“I was quick to retreat, I admit. Closing the door, I made a plea to the air to leave the man be as a guest until I’d returned to take him away. Then I departed.

“Outside, I’d not passed the sitting room window to move down the lane, when I heard a thrashing and thumping. Returning to the door, I pushed my way inside, and there, in no little disarray, lay Porter.”

“Harlot! She’d already killed him once!” said O’Connor.

“Frankly, I had little patience for her behaviour, but I no more blame her for the death of the man than I do you – or, I should say, I blame you just as much.”

“What? He may have been set upon his course by our chatter, but we can hardly be blamed for the outcome!” Bigs’ mug tottered dangerously as he spoke.

“Milly held no weapon upon our encounter either,” said Blackhall.

“If she’d never sent the man into a panic, he’d certainly be alive today.” O’Connor replied.

“- and if you’d held your tongue?”

Neither man had a reply to that, but Thomas was not happy to let the point lie.

“I was here much of the evening before our introduction, and any in the barroom with ears had little choice but to hear the prattle of your mouths. It seems likely to me that there was a time when a check upon your wagging tongues might have gone far towards keeping the whisper of cuckold from Nelson Tyler.”

Thomas took a long pull of his drink, his eyes drifting from one table-mate to the other.

“Now you have remorse, and surely in the morning to follow – but in a month? In a year? I tell you this story not so that you might forget the parts that shame you during the thousand re-tellings you will no doubt undertake, no, I tell you this story so that you might recall to sometimes shut your bloody mouths.”

The room, even though packed, had long fallen silent at Thomas’ telling, and his words carried to every wandering ear.

“Upon once again entering the house, I retook the stairs, and made a second attempt at palaver with Milly.

“She did not appear.

“I moved to the top of the flight, hoping to secure some bargain of safe-keeping, but she provided no notice that she heard or cared. I began to descend the steps and there was an impact between my shoulders – I twisted to save my balance, but it was for naught: it was my turn to roughly ride the staircase to its terminus.

“I landed heavily on the much maligned corpse.

“That’s when I heard him yelling. As I righted myself, he stood above me in the entrance, your man Porter: just as in life, but half as opaque and twice as angry.

““That will be quite enough!” he shouted, passing through me and fading from my eye as he took the steps two at a time. In short order there was a woman’s scream, then the bedroom door slammed shut, flew open, slammed again.

“Then all was silence.

“I asked the air several questions, but to no reply. After another struggle with the body, the remains of Porter were once again deposited in the nursery, this time without problem. As I passed down the stairs, I believe I heard voices from the closed door beyond the hall, I wonder if Milly might now regret her lack of hospitality – who knows how long Porter’s spirit may linger.

“It’s my hope that a proper burial will allow him rest.

“It was a long walk back, but as dawn crept upon the land, I was lucky to meet a boy on the road. For the promise of a second breakfast, he was happy enough to let his donkey pull us both into town. From there, there is little you do not know: Constable Bunting brought the body to Father Mitchell, and both men can see the work of accident plain enough.”

“What of Milly?” O’Connor asked, unable to meet Blackhall’s eyes.

“Upon my exit I took a moment to observe the linen closet in which we’d first discovered the woman. There was naught left behind but a babe’s blanket, slightly moth eaten. I assume her pregnancy was little obvious when the rumours of her infidelity flew, but by the nature of her fixation upon that closet, and the adjoining nursery, I suspect if you lay the cloth down in her grave, she too shall rest. I do not say ‘you’ lightly. I shall be again passing through in a year, and would not enjoy being forced to speak of my suspicions as to the source of the gossip that lead Milly to her woe. The blackened cottage reeks of fire and death now, and I would hate to have to spend so long making a speech within – should I find the cloth still mouldering.”

Thomas emptied his mug and stood.

“Now pay bar-master Stern your outstanding debt, and run along home to hope that burial is enough, and that Porter does not catch you out some evening, telling tales.”

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm. The audio and text formats of Flash Pulp are released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

A Solution For The Gulf

A facebook acquaintance recently posted up photos from a They Might Be Giants concert in which he saw a Festo AirPenguin, live and in person.

What’s an AirPenguin? This:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPGgl5VH5go]

I’m pretty excited to hear these things are actually out and about in the real world now, (Eat that, Roger Waters’ pig,) but this also points out a possible solution to the mess in the gulf – we may not be able to save all that wildlife, but it’s all right, Festo makes an AquaPenguin as well!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8tfES8gImc]

Angle-ing

The Jefferson Bible

I need to get my punches in on Sharron Angle while I can.

From her recent interview:

“Actually, Thomas Jefferson has been misquoted, like I’ve been misquoted out of context. Thomas Jefferson was actually addressing a church and telling them through his address that there had been a wall of separation put up between the church and the state precisely to protect the church.”

I’m sure Jefferson was quoted out of context on more than one occasion, but attempting to argue that Jefferson was actually all Church + State = BFF seems a little ridiculous. We’re talking about a guy who believed so strongly in Christianity as a philosophy, and not a religion, that he re-edited the bible:

The Jefferson Bible, or The Life and Morals of Jesus of Nazareth as it is formally titled, was Thomas Jefferson’s effort to extract the doctrine of Jesus by removing sections of the New Testament containing supernatural aspects as well as perceived misinterpretations he believed had been added by the Four Evangelists.

[…]

The Jefferson Bible begins with an account of Jesus’s birth without references to angels, genealogy, or prophecy. Miracles, references to the Trinity and the divinity of Jesus, and Jesus’ resurrection are also absent from the Jefferson Bible. The work ends with the words: “Now, in the place where he was crucified, there was a garden; and in the garden a new sepulchre, wherein was never man yet laid. There laid they Jesus. And rolled a great stone to the door of the sepulchre, and departed.” These words correspond to the ending of John 19 in the Bible.

Wikipedia

I’m not sure that Sharron Angle would enjoy what’s left after that cutting: it’s all about feeding the poor and embracing strangers even if they’re different than you.

Flash Pulp 035 – The Last Ghost Story: A Blackhall Tale, Part 2 of 3

Welcome to Flash Pulp, Episode Thirty-Five.

Flash PulpTonight: The Last Ghost Story: A Blackhall Tale, Part 2 of 3

(Part 1Part 2Part 3)

[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp035.mp3](Click play to listen or subscribe via libsyn RSS or iTunes)

Download MP3

This evening’s episode is brought to you by MayTunes.com

It’s like Zoobilee Zoo, but with salty talk and no furries!

That’s MayTunes.com.

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – 400 to 600 words brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight we present the second entry in our current Blackhall serial. We re-join our hero as he  prepares to enter a house of haunted repute.

Flash Pulp 035 – The Last Ghost Story: A Blackhall Tale, Part 2 of 3

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

Thomas Blackhall, and Porter the skeptic, rode along the dead-straight roadways of Perth, leaving behind the store fronts and wooden walkways to find a chill in the night breeze that ran amongst the long stretches of wheat.

“Your saddle seems a little loose to be conducting such an adventure,” Blackhall said.

“Oh, I’ve ridden after stronger spirits than those, no worries,” Porter replied, adjusting his grip on the reins.

“It may be my own liqoured tongue that has me pressing the point – but I must say that while we’re not likely to spy one this eve, I have encountered phantoms in the past.”

“Oh, I can count you amongst the believers, Master Blackhall? Then why would you propose to come along?”

“In part, it is because I have been told these lands are the last bulwarks for the preternatural, and I have interest to see if that includes the spirits of the dead,” Blackhall took a bite of jerky he’d fished from within his greatcoat, “but also, because ghosts are terrifying, and you’ll likely hurt yourself.”

“What?”

“Oh, quite scary. Just remember that they’re literally ethereal. They may be able to get up a bit of a rattle, or some screaming – if you’re lucky, they may even toss about some tableware or a book, but they can’t easily injure you.”

“Huh,” replied Porter, taking the measure of his companion through squinted-eyes.

The conversation slid into silence.

* * *

Once they’d reached the entrance to the farmstead, they turned their horses onto the rutted path that lead to the Tyler’s dooryard.

The house was set well back on its generous plot, and it seemed to Blackhall that the ride along this shadowed lane took twice the time of their approach from town.

“How is it that Milly Tyler came to her end?” he asked.

“Her husband, Nelson, thought she’d made a cuckold of him – a tale likely whispered by his whiskey. Their land bore little, and Nelson had turned to drink while waiting for his crops to wither. One day he made the accusation, and laid her low with a shovel. He carried her into the house and dropped her in the kitchen.” Porter slapped at a persistent mosquito that hovered about his stubble-laden face. “After getting hold of some kerosene, he set the place ablaze, hoping to blame an accidental fire for consuming his wife. It was his bad luck that a wagon load of St James the Apostle’s Anglicans were on their way back from services. They spotted the smoke early on, and while Nelson wept and watched, they formed a bucket-line from the pond, singing their hymns. They managed to save most of the structure – I’ve heard the ground floor is black with soot, but that the upper has been mostly left as it stood when the constable came about to collect Nelson.”

The house was near now, a looming black casket against the moon.

Blackhall shook himself from his dread.

“Whatever we may find inside, remember to remain calm, and that Milly is no more able to harm you now than she would have been on her meanest day of life.”

The two men dismounted, hitching their rides to a gutted window pane.

Pushing open the smoke-blackened slab of the pine front door, the pair peered at the interior.

To the left, a hole in the wall, eaten there by the fire, allowed moonlight to flood the kitchen. It seemed little darker within than without. To the right lay a dim space that must have once been a sitting room. It now sat empty.

They shuffled inside.

Fingering a bit of curling wallpaper sagging from its place on the kitchen wall, Thomas spoke.

“The Anglicans must have worked quickly.”

He sought to keep his voice jovial, to prevent Porter from imbuing the place with fear.

“Let us check the upper story, and if no more fitting prize can be found, we’ll take a scrap of this paper to mark our passage,” Porter replied.

From overhead came a slam, as if a door had caught the wind.

Neither man spoke.

Porter took breath, turning to place his foot on the lowest step.

Allowing the wallpaper to return to its wilt, Blackhall followed.

Two rooms, and the narrow entrance to a linen closet, stood at the top of the stairs. One of the dust-filled chambers had obviously once been decorated in the bright colours of a nursery, and the other, the men assumed to be the shared bedroom of the former occupants.

Against the darkening of the soot on the ground floor, the spaces seemed to hold little menace.

As they reconvened at the head of the steps, Porter reached for the closet door, still in search of superior evidence.

Standing within, trisected by shelving, was the scarred and ruptured form of Milly Tyler.

She raised a single accusing finger at Porter.

The man bolted, taking the stairs three at a time. At the mid-point of the staircase, he tripped, tumbling the rest of the length.

“Wait!” Blackhall called, the form having disappeared.

Porter would have none of it, having sighted the writhing glow of Milly, now upon the spot she must have smouldered.

She began to scream.

He broke from the front door, rushing towards his mare.

The beast had heard the ruckus within, and reared in panic at the speeding figure.

With shrieking whinnies, both horses snapped their leads, bolting from the yard.

A moment later, Thomas stepped into the bite of the night air, reassuring words still on his lips. The banter died away as he came upon Porter’s body, the skeptic’s skull having been crushed at his mare’s startled kick.

A gust of wind slammed shut the marred pine door.

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm. The audio and text formats of Flash Pulp are released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Meet The New Future, Same As The Old Future

While waiting for the production crew to get their act together, I realized something:

Every famous musician or group with a high amount stylization ends up with a cover band.

Rhinestone jumpsuits, mop-top hair, and even white gloves worn with ridiculously over-zippered leather jackets  – these may be the hallmarks of today’s cover bands, but what of tomorrow’s?

How long until impersonators in pants-less Queen Elizabeth outfits start singing “Poker Face” to beer fueled crowds at small town Summerfests?

Like the young Elvis/old Elvis debate, will there be both pre- and post-crack Whitney Houston imitators?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmrW-am182w]

Obituaries

I was poking around for examples of online death notices the other day, and came across this Cleburne News page:

The Cleburne News ObituariesI fully understand the important social role that the obituaries play, both in their original paper format, and in their new online incarnation.

I get why people might like the ability to add comments to an individual obit, it strikes me as a good place for people to leave remembrances and anecdotes.

I still think adding a ‘Thumbs Up’ option is pretty harsh.

Old Toys, New Toys

My Mother-In-Law has me figured to a tee. While sorting through her closet, she came up with this item, and thought that I might like it.

Step Into The Third Dimension

“Step Into The Third Dimension” not ringing a bell as a Price classic? I understand why you might be confused, as the credits make it seem like this is actually a dramatic production – it is not. That thing he’s holding isn’t a device to suck your soul from your body, it’s a 3D camera.

Nishika

Also, Nishika sounds like the name of a Russian-trained attack dog.

It takes two rolls of film, and to have them developed you needed to send them to a company that I can only assume is long defunct. I’ve seen indications online that it may be possible to self-develop the pictures, so I may have to buy a bunch of cheap cardboard glasses.

I found a reproduction of the instructional video on youtube, but I really want to drag out our actual VCR to get the full effect.

On Graves & Threats

Forget child safety, I miss the days when a toy would flat out threaten you with supernatural murder.
Aurora Ad

My face feels like it’s been reconstructed in a lab: faster, stronger, better than before.

Speaking of re-purposing – I wanted to point out that the current Blackhall three-parter (The Last Ghost Story) actually began life as a rough draft for a submission to the briefly resurrected version of “Tales From The Crypt” that was put out by Papercutz. I actually prefer the way I’m presenting it now though, as straight prose gives me more opportunity to chew up the clichéd ghostly gimmicks.

Still, it would have been a great point of pride to have Mr. C. Keeper as a reference.