Tag: podcast

FC75 – Everything Old is New Again

FC75 - Everything Old is New Again
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Hello, and welcome to FlashCast 75.

Prepare yourself for: Hypnotism, Ghostbusters 3, Large-Eared People Eaters, choking on cockroaches, Admiral McCoy, and The Murder Plague.

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Huge thanks to:

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FP299 – Joe Monk, Emperor of Space: The Fruits of Peace, Part 1 of 1

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and ninety-nine.

Flash PulpTonight we present Joe Monk, Emperor of Space: The Fruits of Peace, Part 1 of 1

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This week’s episodes are brought to you by the Mike Luoma.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, we find Joe Monk in an age well before his ascension to the throne, while he was still yet learning to handle diplomacy. Consider this episode Skinner Co.’s tonic to last week’s entry, Lingering.

You’re welcome. Sort of.

 

Joe Monk, Emperor of Space: The Fruits of Peace, Part 1 of 1

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

After having laid waste to the stellar fleets of two warring star systems, Joe Monk had found himself in the awkward position of having to apologize for his bout of enthusiasm. Macbeth, his scuttering companion, had made the necessary diplomatic calls between rounds of beratement.

“Monk, I swear you’re going to visit the Spinesians alone,” he’d said from beneath quivering eye-stalks. “Good luck pal, and pack a pillow. There isn’t a comfortable chair to be found in the breadth or depth of their culture. Everything they build looks like it’s mimicking a fat flamingo on the cusp of collapse – hold on, I’ve finally got the minister’s secretary on the line.”

– and so the cycle had continued until the barricades of red tape had been sufficiently navigated, and the ruling councils of the disputing systems had been properly coaxed.

The combined rage raised by Joe’s action was cause enough to bring about the first meeting of the Spinesians and the Smegmar in nearly three centuries, a historic event likely only made possible by the thorough devastation Monk had brought to their combat craft.

Both races had been quick to send drones to create baroque structures on the neutral moon that was to be the site of their conference, but ego and distrust prevented either side from entering the other’s settlement.

In the end, after a day of mediating long-distance bickering, MacBeth had simply transmitted a time and location, then pushed Monk into their landing vehicle. Their possession of the runabout was the result of extensive haggling on the crabinoid’s part, and he was sure to pull on his goggles at any chance to initialize the shuttle’s overpowered engine.

“You know, I’m really getting to like this little jalopy,” he said, as his pincers probed the controls.

Monk shared none of his companion’s chipper mood, but, then, he also knew he’d be responsible for most of the talking.

“Maybe they won’t show up. Traffic or something,” replied Joe.

Macbeth’s took in the mass of orange fauna that blanketed the rapidly approaching continent. “Yeah, well, whatever the case, let’s just hope these muckamucks are too far from the frontlines to notice that we’ve borrowed some of the scrap from your little shooting gallery.”

The rest of the trip to the mountaintop meadow was filled with the roar of their descent.

Within moments of their arrival, the Spinesian retinue came into view from the west, their caravan of elegantly curved fliers appearing as if a parade of crimson long-necked birds.

Their touchdown was cushioned by regal music emanating from recessed external speakers, and Monk guessed that the extension of their access ramp had been slowed to maximize the impact of their entrance. The Spinesians were a tall, six-legged people, with thin features and torsos capped with gray, nose-less faces. The being in the lead, obviously a lesser functionary, wore flowing panels of silver cloth over a magnanimously rolling segmented body.

The council exited the transport at a pace that was both authoritative and restive.

At the midpoint of the incline, the herald paused.

In flawless English, it said, “Behold, the Grand Council of the Benevolent Spinesian Empire, Keepers of the Hundred Suns and Priests of the Ultimate Wisdom. Behold, Shelny Miblorth, First Minister of the Tenth Parsec Kingdoms, Mother of the Kimblax Pact, Daughter of the…”

As the well practiced litany was recited, the fifth minister back, by Joe’s count, let forth a gassy discharge and a trio of wet ejections from beneath his or her crimson robes.

A Spinesian youth in the rearguard stood down from attention and began moving with purpose towards the head of the in the procession, even as the listing of names continued. Retrieving a synthetic sack from the sling about his neck, the child stooped and enclosed the excretion in the green-tinted bag. With practiced digits, the thick aroma that had begun to fill the air was sealed away.

The introduction ended as the collector retreated, and the party of diplomats renewed their ponderously-proud forward momentum.

Monk took the moment of distraction to hold counsel with his advisor.

Leaning towards Macbeth he whispered, “that was super gross.”

“It’s their culture,” side-mouthed the oversized lobster. “It’s not something they worry about.”

“It’s barbaric!” replied Monk. “That poor kid!”

“That poor kid? That poor kid is paid well and doesn’t think twice about the job. His parents probably display their pride with a bumper sticker.

“Hell, it might have even been a father and son act, the Spinesians are notorious for their nepotism.”

Though it was hard for Joe to read the group’s alien expressions, their dislike of him was made obvious by their occasional habit of raising a silent, slender finger of accusation in his direction.

Before any further declarations or expulsions could be made, however, the Smegmar arrived.

A single blocky dropship settled into the orangery, and its pilot wasted no time in entering the scene.

Even as the hatch slid wide, the insect-like occupant was delivering a high-speed chittering that Joe could only assume was a stately speech in its own language. Rather than wait for further disapproval, the human decided it might be best to make a better impression with an immediate act of contrition. Perhaps, if only interested enough to send a lone emissary, the Smegmarians were less concerned about the incident.

Interrupting the stream of quavering vowels, Monk stuck out his open hand in what he hoped would be recognized as a universal sign of peace. After a moment of consideration, the Smegarmarian reared under it’s beetle shell, presenting a bristling selection of limbs, and offered an extension from its lesser projections.

There was a moment of vigorous shaking, then the Smegmar crowed loudly and pulled Joe close for a hug between it’s knobbed dominant arms.

Once released, Joe returned to Macbeth’s side. Leaning close, he said, “I didn’t understand a word it said, but it seems happy enough now.”

Through clenched lips, Macbeth replied, “he basically said ‘I apologize for my late appearance, there has been upheaval in my court. I feel today we must make a change for the future – my people are in need, but my dukes think me mad.

‘Will you prove me right? Will you, the warrior who defeated the shells and mandibles of our war fleet, join me in my apparently-insane hope for an end?’”

“Huh,” nodded Joe. “I’ve never shook hands with a bug before. Wasn’t sure if he was going to spit acid at me or something when he stood up like that.”

“No, that was the male of the species’ procreation stalk. It’s sort of how Smegmar say hello to very, very close friends. It’s part of their surrender reflex, but, uh, most species are too disgusted to, er, accept the gesture.”

Striding past them, its body still set upright, the mantis-like head continued its victorious talk of treaties.

Macbeth continued his translation. “He says he’s been looking for a way to stop the fighting since he was hatched. He says you’ve given them the first real shot at a cease fire in decades.”

Even the Spinesians, with their great faces nodding, seemed taken by the moment.

With all sensory organs on the prince, Joe wiped his palm on his pant leg.

Despite the advancement, the historic Peace Accord of Orange Meadow was another week in the forging.

It would be marked by historians as the beginning of Monk’s rise to power.

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

FP298 – Mulligan Smith in Lingering, Part 1 of 1

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and ninety-eight.

Flash PulpTonight we present Mulligan Smith in Lingering, Part 1 of 1

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This week’s episodes are brought to you by the Hollywood Outsider Podcast.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight our private investigator, Mulligan Smith, conducts an unpleasant interview with a youthful caretaker.

 

Mulligan Smith in Lingering, Part 1 of 1

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

The conversation had fallen into a lull, and Mulligan could find little more to do than stare at the fake-wood pattern of the table top.

Finally, after brushing back a loose strand of dirty blond hair, the girl said, “I remember the first time he didn’t come back when he said he would.”

Smith nodded, not wanting to slow the momentum of her telling.

“I mean, he’d been taking his time more and more. When Mom got sick, we couldn’t afford like a home or anything, so she just stayed at the house. I don’t even know what it was like before then, I was too small. In the beginning Dad was working long days in a factory – he was making, like, plastic riot gear stuff? The thing is, the worse she got, the the more he disappeared.”

“One night, a couple years in, when she really couldn’t get up anymore, she managed to twist herself into lying on top of the tube for her pee-bag, and I wasn’t able to roll her over. She was kind of panicking – she was still mostly speaking then – and it got me upset, and I was trying to shove her over, but I wasn’t strong enough do it.

“He finally showed the next morning. I met him at the door when I heard the key scraping at the lock, but he kept muttering about going to bed. It took a big fight to convince him it needed to be done, but together we managed to get Mom moved.

“For a long while after I would sit in the chair beside Mom for hours, worrying that it was going to happen again, or that some other emergency was going to come up and I wouldn’t be able to deal with it.

“That was when I was little though, like eleven or something.

“By fourteen, I was handling everything. I wasn’t seeing Dad often, and – it was like one of those meth warning posters, you know? I’d see him once every couple of weeks, and he’d be thinner, his eyes would be cloudier.

“He was working on and off, but I never knew where we’d get the money to cover the month’s bills. I would basically wait till he was passed out in his room, then hook a wad of cash from his wallet and stash it for food, which, frankly, he’d eventually eat most of when he decided to stumble in after a binge.

“I did some online stuff, filling out surveys and work from home crap, but it barely made anything, and we only had free dial-up, meaning we were screwed whenever the phone company unplugged us. That’s usually when I’d have to pawn something. At least I knew a place that didn’t look at Mom’s ID and point out that I wasn’t thirty-five, but if Mom hadn’t inherited the house I think we would have been homeless pretty early on.

“Anyhow, like I was saying, I woke one night, when I was fourteen, and there he was with his pants around his ankles. I mean, I shared the same frigging room with her! That wasn’t what pissed me off the most, though. He was talking to himself – I mean, trying to woo her, I guess – but by then the best she could do was grunt yes or no, and she was definitely making her no sound.”

The teen paused, gritting her teeth, and Smith did his best to nod comfortingly. Noting the emotional exchange, the uniformed man at the door raised a brow at the pair, but the private investigator simply shrugged in reply.

Finally, the girl continued.

“Mom’s cane was by the dresser. It was from the early days of her illness, when we’d had a bit of extra money for medical stuff, and even after it was obvious she wasn’t going to be walking again I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it.

“He was standing there in the dark, rocking gently back and forth like he was on a moving boat, and he was having trouble getting Mom’s leg’s sorted. I kept seeing flashes of white skin in the light that came through the curtain crack, and his muttering just went on and on, talking about how he was going to “fix her once he got her fixed.””

“I lost it. I grabbed the cane by the bottom of the shaft and swung like it was the World Series. Caught him on the ear. The next day, across his temple, you could still see the mark from where the handle went from metal to padding.

“He hit me back, but he was so high it was like being beaten by one of those big plastic dancing men you see on top of gas stations – you know, the ones that stand in the wind and wiggle around? Anyway, I got him out of the room.

“I didn’t sleep the rest of the night, I just sat on the lip of Mom’s bed turning the cane around in my hands, feeling for all its little cool spots.

“It was a few days later that he stole all Mom’s meds to sell.

“I tried the law, I tried going through the courts, but it was impossible. After the first time I called the cops he was smart enough not to bring his meth home, and he only came back when he needed money, or food, or a good night’s sleep.

“Social Services came around once, but he managed to convince them that I was just going through a hard phase in life, with Mom being in the condition she was, and his being out of work and supposedly spending long days looking for a job. The lady ended up giving me almost like a speech about not crying wolf, and how I should appreciate what I had.

“When she left he told me that, if I ever tried anything like it again, he’d have me removed from the house and he’d take care of Mom himself.

“He randomly started slapping me then. He wasn’t my Dad anymore, the drugs had turned him into some sort of angry lizard person. All knuckles and unpredictability.

“After that I knew I was on my own.

“I mean, maybe there was another solution, but I was – I was so frustrated, so scared, so frigging exhausted. I felt ninety. I knew Mom didn’t have long left, and I just wanted her to have some peace.

“She was locked in there, which was the saddest part. I’d read to her – she was really into, you know, books with castles and magic and justice? I mean, we both were. I still am, I guess, but it’s impossible to find anything decent in here. Anyhow, she’d try and say stuff and it would just make her mad that she couldn’t talk properly, but her eyes – her eyes were always so warm and thankful and wet like she was trying to cry but her body was too broken to let her.”

If Mulligan had not been a man who paid his bills with his observations,he would have missed the practiced motion that casually wiped away the damp on her cheek.

“I looked it up on the internet,” said the girl. “Knowing which kind was best, and how much it would take, was a lot easier to understand than some of the medical articles I had to plow through for Mom. Buying helium wasn’t much of a problem, and we already had an oven bag and the tubing. I was pretty used to dealing with that sort of business by then, so it almost felt like I was just administering another type of meds when I tucked it over his head.

“It was exactly like I’d read – I mean, I wasn’t exactly using it for suicide like it’s supposed to be, but there was no struggle or anything, no coughing. He just stopped snoring eventually. Though, I think he was so stoned I’m not sure he could have gotten up if he happened to noticed I was killing him.

“I watched his warm breath build up on the inside of the bag, then, when it stopped, I removed everything, walked four blocks, and chucked it all in a dumpster. It didn’t feel much different than having to empty Mom’s pee-bag.

”One of the reasons the euthanasia folks like that way of doing it is because it’s so hard to trace.I talked to a couple of the EMS people and a police officer, but I guess drug testing had them convinced he’d just overdosed. I kept expecting to be hauled off, that everything was finally over, but nothing happened.

“Mom passed eight months later. I was holding her at the time.

““I turned myself in for murder later that day. I hadn’t even called 911 about her body yet.

“I had no money and I didn’t trust the social services people, so I don’t know what other option I had.”

Smith looked to his left, his gaze sweeping across the cream-coloured cafeteria that acted as the Capital City Juvenile Detention Center’s visitation area.

“At least I get to go to school in here,” the girl finished.

Mulligan closed the notebook he’d kept on hand, the fresh page still unmarked.

“I think my client is just going to have to accept the loss of his heirloom,” he said. “It’s pretty clear your dad smoked or injected whatever it was worth. I guess I could give that pawn shop you mentioned a try, maybe the owner was allowing trade from a minor because he knew your pops and how hard up you were.

“Now, uh, since your parole officer has cleared me on the list, I may as well use the access, right? Most of those shops have a pretty decent selection of books – I’ll grab you a couple of slabs of swords and sorcery.”

The girl let her tears flow then, and she did not hide them.

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

FP295 – The Murder Plague: Fencing, Part 1 of 3

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and ninety-five.

Flash PulpTonight we present The Murder Plague: Fencing, Part 1 of 3
(Part 1Part 2Part 3)
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(RSS / iTunes)

 

This week’s episodes are brought to you by Nutty Bites.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, Harm Carter finds a home for himself amongst the infected maniacs.

 

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

The door to the house on Washington was open, but not too open. The driveway was abandoned and the garage left gaping at the street. The backyard faced onto other cookie-cutter suburban homes, but the front had a wide view of a playground that provided no place to hide. The exterior had the look of factory aged faux-brickwork, and the hedges had been painstakingly maintained before having run riot during the plague times.

It was exactly what I was searching for.

At first, though, I walked past it.

The Murder PlagueNow, I should clarify, it wasn’t as if I was strolling about like a grandmother on her way back from Sunday service. The madness of Hitchcock’s Disease had fully gripped my mind by then, and I managed forward momentum only through slow progress and carefully affected casualness.

I thought the rules had changed since entering the city. While hidden riflemen were an issue in the country, anyone crazy enough to shoot a stranger on sight was also too scared to give away their position so easily. So long as I wasn’t rushed by a knife-wielding maniac, I reasoned, I’d be OK.

That’s not how Hitchock’s works, of course – it was always more important to worry about the smiling man with extended hand than the risk that a slasher film villain would come barreling onto the street – but the viral fear running amok in my veins couldn’t consider that far.

Anyhow, I went around the block, moving cautiously, but not so cautiously that I appeared paranoid. Or so I hoped. Everything seemed a threat. A recycling bin brimming with plastic bottles, no doubt forgotten at the roadside during a panicked evacuation, became an improvised explosive device. The abode on the corner, whose door was slamming against its protruding deadbolt with every tug and thrust of the wind, was obviously a deathtrap bristling with shotguns and poisoned broken glass.

Every window contained a watcher, and every useful item I passed was clearly set there to lure me into danger. In my mind my chosen neighbourhood was against me, but I was smart, and sober, and sane, and I would use this clarity to kill any one of those murderous bastards who might attempt to show their heads.

This mix of anxiety and twisted justification carried me back to the molded-cement stoop of 276 Washington.

I did not pause in my approach, as I worried it would give extra time to anyone inside. Despite the fact that the house met the careful criteria I’d worked up during my walk, any delay was an excuse to envision a thousand threats, and my stomach was a knot. I was well into convincing myself that the whole thing was a trick when I finally entered the front hall, but, when I flipped the deadbolt it was like erecting a wall to keep the world out.

I immediately began to fear whatever might lurk beyond the barrier more than whatever might lurk on the second floor.

Moving through a small sitting area, I ignored the staircase and beelined to the kitchen. I located a stout knife, and, after some cupboard fumbling, a flashlight. I searched the ground level, then searched it again. I descended into the unfinished basement – largely used for storage – and turned over the boxes of Christmas decorations and photo albums. Just in case.

When I returned to the main floor, I searched it again. While arguing with myself about being trapped inside, I shuffled around the living room furniture to block the french doors that lead to the back patio.

Finally, I climbed the stairs.

Seven doors. Subtract two, as one was an open closet that had clearly been raided for blankets in a hurry and the other was a laundry room that stood empty in the gloom. The entry on my left I revealed a wall dominated by a slightly risque poster of a woman washing a sports car, and a number of logos and pictures from a number of bands that I’d likely complain about if I were to ever hear their music. I popped my head in and the place was a mess of clothing dunes and forgotten soda cans. Turning back, I scanned the bathroom, then encountered a home office that looked like it had never been fully unpacked despite being used regularly. Next came a nearly antiseptic bedroom, with a plush bed and a flatscreen on the opposing wall. I assumed it was the parents. The final chamber belonged to a girl of perhaps nine. There was a large framed picture of the family on her shelf, but I wasn’t terribly interested anymore as it didn’t seem as if any of them were on the cusp of leaping out to stab me.

Of course, my inspection hadn’t been about trying to piece together who these people were – no, I was allowed only to think in terms of traps and advantages. Could I use that lamp as a weapon? Perhaps I could rig it to the windows somehow to electrify the pane? Was that a murderer in the closet? No, it was just a Halloween mask hung on hook – but could I use the guise somehow? Was there some worth in a scarecrow? Perhaps as bait?

– and so it went until I noticed the spidery fellow.

From the shelter of the pink curtain I could see a square of 6 backyards – my own, the two on either side of my little plot, and most of those belonging to the three houses that faced us.

The creeper moved slowly. He’d peep over the fence, scan the windows of the house, then pull himself over. He was methodical about it, and every enclosure took at least ten minutes to clear. I can’t say exactly what he was seeking, but I suspect food. I did see him try one patio, but it was locked. Rather than shatter the glass and draw attention, he’d simply turned to analyze the next residence.

He’d made it perhaps a third of the way across the lawn directly behind my own when he disappeared.

The turf seemed to fall away beneath him, and I caught a brief flash of aqua blue ceramic tile, then the spring that held up the plank’s hinge must have snapped back into place. There was not a disordered blade of grass, and, even having just seen the trap door magic trick, I didn’t entirely believe it had taken place. At least, I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for the screaming.

The potato sack sound of his landing made it obvious that the pool was drained – and rather deep.

It was then that I realized I likely had a neighbour.

(Part 1Part 2Part 3)

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

– and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

FP294 – Coffin: Change, Part 1 of 1

Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and ninety-four.

Flash PulpTonight we present Coffin: Change

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(RSS / iTunes)

 

This week’s episodes are brought to you by Nutty Bites.

 

Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

Tonight, Coffin and Bunny face a powerful arcane force, and find themselves in a changing climate.

 

Written by J.R.D. Skinner
Art and Narration by Opopanax
and Audio produced by Jessica May

 

The winding road home had lead Will Coffin, urban shaman, and Bunny, his tipsy companion, to a Motel 6 a mere five hours from Capital City. Hurricane rains and fearsome wind had made continuing on an unpleasant prospect, and Coffin had nosed the rented Nissan into the lot only half certain that the neon smudge beyond the river on his windshield actually indicated lodging.

He was happy enough to cut the engine and not have to fight the storm for his life any longer – the confirmation of a vacancy sign was nearly just frosting on his fully-stopped cake.

“What a ####in’ dump,” said Bunny. “Still, I’d rather not drown in a parking lot. Let’s get inside.”

After a quick exchange at the faux-wood front desk, and a coin toss for who would bunk on the folding cot, the pair settled for the night. Coffin had spent the trip sleeping in a variety of ragged jeans and t-shirts, and tonight was no different. His lack of wardrobe changes meant that, while Bunny ducked into the bathroom to change, he was first grab the remote.

He’d found The Weather Channel by the time she exited in her oversized pin-striped pajamas.

“The Weather Channel?” she asked, “Better yet, The Weather Channel on mute? Christ, here comes the party – should I call for some champagne from the con-see-urge?”

“The what?” he replied.

“The Con-see-arg? The conc – whatever: The ####ing bottle boy, not that this place has anything more than a counter jockey with an already opened fifth of watered-down vodka under the counter. Way to ruin a solid goddamn joke.”

CoffinWithout breaking away from the swirl of gray and red, Coffin said, “yeah, The Weather Channel.”

“It’s raining outside – you know how I know? Because it’s been raining for the last five ####ing hours. How about you give me the remote and you can, you know, look out a ####ing window. That way we’ll both be happy.”

Will finally shifted to eye his companion. Something about the woman had changed since they’d turned eastward, but he’d been too preoccupied to put his finger on it. She was peevish, but it was not her usual hangover fury.

“I stopped taking suggestions from women dressed like you when I was ten and told my senile grandmother I wasn’t going to eat any more of her still-frozen peas,” he replied. “Why did you buy that senior home suit, anyhow? Usually you just pass out in – wait, are you sober?”

Bunny’s cheeks grew red, and she suddenly became extremely interested in the close-cropped green carpet.

“I’m not ####ing quitting or anything,” she said. “I’ve never been in need of any ###damn church basements – I’m only, uh, taking it easy for a bit.”

Bunny’s gaze came up as she finished, so that she could clearly see his reaction. Her fists clenched in preparation for a smirk.

Instead, Coffin nodded, letting the moment sink to silence.

When she began to fuss with the folded blankets on her cot, he changed the topic to the weather.

“See this tracking map? Anything seem weird about the storm’s path?”

“Looks like any two-year-old’s scribbling. It’s a mess of loops with a randomly straight line.”

“Exactly. The scrawl is saying the forecasters are blaming sudden wind changes, but the guy they keep cutting to at the desk looks like he thinks a pack of teenage hooligans are feeding him bad meteorological data.”

“So?”

“So I think our night’s not done. There’s too much property damage and too many lost lives.”

“You’re going to go help people bail out their cellars and maybe save some kittens in trees while you’re at it?”

He stood from the bed. “I’m going to deal with the problem directly.”

“You plan on punching a ####ing hurricane?”

“No, I plan on reasoning with it.” He stooped to lace his boots, then added “ – hopefully.”

* * *

Despite the heart of the storm lying further north, each step was a fight for footing as the duo crossed the small beach’s parking lot.

Will was saying, “What is it? Well, squalls are a symptom common to a number of beasties, but most of them I’ve only ever read about – it could be the Tempestwalker, but I’ve never met it, I only know about it from Blackhall’s book and the occasional rumour. It could be even be one of the old thunder chuckers – Thor, Perun, or Set – though my understanding is that they’re all dead.”

“My mom always used to say storms were God bowling,” Bunny shouted into the rain. “The thunder was supposed to be the big guy getting strikes.”

She regretted the comment, as even the brief statement had covered her tongue with blown sand and seawater.

From behind the damp white motel towel that Coffin had absconded with, he said, “I’d say this is probably one of the elementals – specifically water, or Merc, as he was introduced to me. Mostly because I know for sure he exists.”

“He?”

“Sorry, just a leftover from the Victorian-era literature. It. Although, personality-wise – well, it’s an approximation.

“The problem is that Merc really shouldn’t be able to do this. It hasn’t had this kind of power since before -” a gust of wind carrying the sound of shattering glass somewhere in the dark over his left shoulder gave Will a moment to reconsider his words. “Actually, the problem with Merc is that he’s incredibly old school.”

”It,” said Bunny. “It’s incredibly old school. If it’s, uh, even it.”

Will raised a brow at his unusually sober companion. “Yeah. Exactly. Speaking of, time to cast a line and see what we catch.”

The silver links of the chain affixed to the Crook of Ortez dripped from Will’s jacket pocket as he plucked the talisman from its place of safekeeping. With a stiff arm, Coffin began to swing the ornate hook high over his head. Though the gale only grew, he kept the rhythm of his orbit for three long minutes before Merc appeared.

Bunny’s first thought was that a tornado funnel was setting down – she’d seen many of the coiling fingers in grainy footage from Discovery Channel storm chaser specials – but even as the rain abated in a narrow cone around their position on the shore, the billowing throng halted its descent.

Its details were half cloud, half shadow, but, a face, of inhuman proportions, formed a hundred feet above them.

Coffin ceased his rotations.

“If I saw this #### on the Internet,” said Bunny, “I’d think it was the work of some CGI-hoaxing keyboard molester.”

“Quiet now,” said Will, “things are about to get stupid enough as it is.”

The sound of Merc’s words arrived as if carried on a combination of crashing waves and surging wind,

“You’ve a new wench then? I suppose you had to get rid of the last one, considering how lippy she was.”

As he spoke, Bunny noted that the thunderheads which formed his mouth did not move. Instead, the darkness at their edges seemed to ripple with his speech, providing a semblance of motion.”

“Oh,” answered Coffin, “she’s around.”

“Not a great move on the part of you penis-wagglers to start letting them talk in public,” continued the elemental. Despite the dramatic method of its delivery, Bunny thought the entity sounded much like an opinionated uncle with no verbal filter.

Will cleared his throat. “If I’d known you were going to show up I wouldn’t have spent the last while driving across the country to check my thermometer.”

“The ogre still lives? May miracles never cease – and by miracles, I really mean me.”

“Yeah, it’s worryingly awake – and now I find you here, practically on my back stoop. At least the beast of the mountain is a mindless creature. You should know better than to show off like this. The more you carry on, the closer the Spider-God gets.”

“Sheriff, Sheriff, the idea that magic brings Kar’Wick closer to our world is a myth. A boogey cooked up by your funny-hatted predecessor.”

Coffin squinted at the massive visage before asking, “Blackhall wore a hat?”

“It was the same one every time I saw him. Actually, the same tattered coat as well.”

“Huh. Anyhow, back to my point: The last time I saw you, you couldn’t so much as cause a drizzle outside of your Bermudan home. Unless I’m mistaken, and I doubt I am, you haven’t been this far north in nearly two-hundred years.

“You can doubt old man Thomas if you like, but open your misty eyes: You can’t deny that there’s something odd going on. I’ve seen the results. Hell, I’m seeing you right now.”

“Arcane power is cyclical, that’s all,” replied Merc. “Any threat of nearing disaster is a false conspiracy cooked up by Blackhall, who simply wanted to wipe the occult from the world. You, the Coffin, should know that better than any else.”

Bunny shrugged within her damp jacket.

“You know,” she said, “I thought it was pretty nifty meeting the weather and ####, but you’re as thick headed as my ex-husband. Which is to say, he was pretty ####ing sure nothing could hurt him until a cleaver landed in his skull.

“Sounds like you weren’t much of a fan of this dead guy, Drywall or whatever, but do you have any reason to not believe him other than the fact that you don’t like him?”

Merc frowned.

“Your bitch is yapping,” it said, “where’s its leash?”

Coffin’s jaw was locked tight as he responded. “Listen, you can spout conspiracy nonsense if you like – hell, you can claim to have assassinated JFK for all I care – but this antiquated garbage you’re speaking isn’t winning you any friends.

“Go home, and quietly, or you’ll wish you’d had the chance to spend the next two hundred years tickling kites and dispersing flatulence.

“You may mock me, my title, or my mentor, but you WILL respect my neophyte.”

Thunder rolled, the rain returned, and Merc’s features loomed close.

Will’s fingers once again entangled in the silver chain.

“Come then,” he replied, “and learn the hard way.”

At the sight of the charm, the elemental’s fury-lit eyes seemed to reconsider. As if no more threat than a draft of pipe smoke, its own wind dispersed its form over the white-capped water.

After a moment of staring down the calming ocean, Will started back to their room with heavy boots and stooped shoulders. Three steps into his exit, however, he turned to his companion.

A hint of a smirk touched his lips as he said, “good job.”

By the time the pair found their numbered door, even the drizzle had ceased.

 

Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

Freesound.org credits:

  • rbh thunder_03.wav by RHumphries
  • rbh thunder storm.wav by RHumphries
  • oceanwavescrushing.wav by Luftrum
  • Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

    – and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

    FP290 – Ruby Departed: Contact, Part 2 of 3

    Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and ninety.

    Flash PulpTonight we present Ruby Departed: Contact, Part 2 of 3
    (Part 1Part 2Part 3)
    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp290.mp3]Download MP3
    (RSS / iTunes)

     

    This week’s episodes are brought to you by The Ice and Fire Convention.

     

    Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

    Tonight, Ruby finds herself caught between mysterious horsemen and the ravenous mouths of the rotting undead.

     

    Written by J.R.D. Skinner
    Art and Narration by Opopanax
    and Audio produced by Jessica May

     

    Ruby Departed

    (Part 1Part 2Part 3)

     

    Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

    Freesound.org credits:

    Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

    – and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

    FP286 – Grip: a Blackhall Tale, Part 2 of 3

    Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and eighty-six.

    Flash PulpTonight we present Grip: a Blackhall Tale, Part 2 of 3
    (Part 1Part 2Part 3)
    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp286.mp3]Download MP3
    (RSS / iTunes)

     

    This week’s episodes are brought to you by Subversion.

     

    Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

    Tonight, master frontiersman and student of the occult, Thomas Blackhall, finds himself witness to a murder, and a mystical metamorphosis.

     

    Grip: a Blackhall Tale, Part 2 of 3

    Written by J.R.D. Skinner
    Art and Narration by Opopanax
    and Audio produced by Jessica May

     

    Nestled within the rasping branches of a squat blue spruce, Blackhall considered if perhaps holding palaver with the dead sleigh-man might have been a more fruitful course. There had been little time for the decision, as the storm overhead unleashed a thickening volley of wind and snow, and the loss of the tracks marking the five remaining passengers had seemed the greater threat in the moment.

    Now, with his vision reduced to the edge of his hat’s brim and the land quickly flooding with ivory, Thomas doubted he would be able to locate the Frenchman’s corpse if he did somehow managed to stumble back to the main trail.

    He could only wait out the flurry and hope that continuing generally westward would be enough to determine where the party had been headed. Given the weather, he guessed it could not be far, but, with his confidence in his navigation stymied by the mind-clouding impact of his sudden descent, and without sky or landmarks to guide him, he’d just as likely wander into Peking as locate his stolen goods.

    In the meantime he was left to wait; to ruminate on his lost pouch – and his lost wife.

    At dusk, as he dozed lightly beneath his layers of wool and lining, the wind dropped to a gentle nudge, and the downfall lessened to a persistent dusting.

    Once he’d cracked the powdery shell that had grown around his hasty refuge, Blackhall cursed the dipping sun and pressed hard west before winter’s early dusk could fully rob him of his search.

    BlackhallAn hour passed, then two, and yet, despite the night’s arrival, a pregnant moon rose through the spent clouds, offering a small boon to ease Thomas’ chilled frustrations.

    It was as he broke from a stand of frozen birch that he spotted the woman.

    She had rested an arm on a nearby branch, and her ebon skin stood fully exposed to the harsh cold. If the unlikelihood of the encounter had not set Thomas back, then her stature certainly did, as such a lush physique was a rare sight for the widower.

    If she had not collapsed, he reflected afterward, he might have been tempted to briefly linger.

    Instead, with a sigh of “damnation,” she toppled forward into the powder.

    Blackhall was relieved to find her yet alive as he lay his knee beside her, and he was quick to unfurl a blanket about her nearly-frostbitten form. As he did so, however, he discovered the sear and tear that he’d seen too often in his time fighting the little dictator.

    “Is this a musket wound?” he asked.

    As she replied the newfound warmth seemed to bring some relief.

    “Fear carried me far and fast – in all honesty, I did not even realize I’d been wounded until I’d cleared a deadfall in five leaps. I haven’t held such alacrity since I was a child, but I suppose, as my husband used to say, being shot at is a strangely motivating experience.

    ”Still, though I look twenty, I remain a ragged fifty. My hip hurt even as I grew sure of my freedom, and my breath seems to slowly escape me.”

    With numb fingers he unbuttoned his greatcoat and wrapped its ends about her blanketed shoulders, so that his heat might be added to her own.

    It was a poor shelter, he knew, but Blackhall was just as aware that it was not the cold that would end her. There was naught he could do for her wound but provide comfort and conversation in her final moments – though the lung seemed hardly punctured, it only meant it would be a slow, painful, end.

    “Though I do not wish to burden you in your current state,” he said, “I must admit, I understand little of what you’re saying.”

    “You are the man in the treetop ship, are you not?”

    “I am.”

    “They were spooked at your passing. With some desperation they waved their pistols, and told us to proceed into the woods.

    “Oh, I see your doubt, but I did not look like this then. I looked as myself – white certainly, but also an aging mother with sagging face and body, proudly showing the signs of babies past and a skill in the creation of sweet cakes. Were Horatio alive to see me, he would think his pillow talk fantasies had come true.

    “Anyhow, Arseneau declared a stand, saying that they could have our coin and even his sleigh and team – though it likely meant a death by exposure for the lot of us – but he would not be marched into the weald to be executed and forgotten in the shadow of an unnamed hill.

    “Without a second concern the elder of the two, he in the well-tailored suit, let fly with his weapon. Before the echo had left our ears, the dandy had moved on to berating his brother – yes, once clearly seen they were unmistakably of the same horrible lineage – for overplaying his hand, for pressing his act as an inebriate to the point of risking their safe operation.”

    She pointed as she spoke. “They’re not far off, squatting in a former logging operation. It seemed I was running forever, but surely it could be no more than a mile of this frozen landscape.”

    “The pox camp?” asked Blackhall. Her breathing was becoming increasingly ragged, and his impatience for details warred with his sympathy for the dying woman.

    Nearly panting, she replied, “though I’ve no doubt it’s what drove the original inhabitants from the place, if there was pox, it is not there now. During Senior’s tirade it became apparent that the younger man has a knack for vomiting on command, and that it’s a talent intended to be used to deter any unexpected visitors who stumble across the grounds.

    “We were apparently lucky he did not utilize the trick while enacting his false drunk.”

    “Yes,” said Thomas, “but how did you come to your current state?”

    “The third. The eldest.

    “There are four long houses left standing in which they shelter. Three are left always cold, while the final is where they slumber. In the one in which we were housed – in which I was intended to be housed – they’ve left a dead family of four. The bodies have frozen to the walls, but the brothers insisted loudly that earth is too solid for a burial, and the unused cabin is required in case they should be taken to – visit with us privately.

    “They’ve driven iron spikes into the beams beneath the floor of the last shanty, deep teeth of steel, and they’ve affixed thick chains to those anchors. The manacles are so cold my skin stuck to their rim as they applied them.

    “The ritual was conducted on each captive in turn, though the configuration of our prone bodies was such that we could not gain clear view of one another – at least, that was my case.

    “I had suspected a perverse indignation, but I did not know exactly what to make of the screaming until the needles began to pierce my own skin. The world seemed filled with searing, and I wept at the constant pressure of the pinpricks.

    “The work seemed to last forever, but, though I can not say what pattern was created, it was clear from the mix of blood and ink that saturated the floorboards that I was being marked.

    “I know not the source of his power any more than I know how you sailed the timber, but, when he completed his design, my body – changed. Took this form.”

    “They spoke as I howled. Their greatest reassurance is that they have business associates arriving on the morrow. I have no confirmation, but it’s my guess that their impending company would have shipped me south for sale to a plantation lord, well outside the reach of family and any mind who might believe my tale of unlikely misfortune.”

    “So you ran at the earliest opportunity?” asked Thomas. It felt a thick question, but it was all he could think to do against the transformed matron’s fading tone.

    “Look beyond the change in my skin. My bosom has never been so supple, my hips never so suggestive. No, it’s not from the horrors they intended tomorrow that I ran – it was those they intended tonight.”

    It was the final statement the woman would make, though her moist gasps spun increasingly fragile strands in the chill air until dawn. As light filled the land, so too did the last of it flee from her glazed eyes.

    Pushing away the blanket they’d shared, Blackhall stood.

     

    (Part 1Part 2Part 3)

     

    Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

    Freesound.org credits:

    Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

    – and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

    FP285 – Grip: a Blackhall Tale, Part 1 of 3

    Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and eighty-five.

    Flash PulpTonight we present Grip: a Blackhall Tale, Part 1 of 3
    (Part 1Part 2Part 3)
    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp285.mp3]Download MP3
    (RSS / iTunes)

     

    This week’s episodes are brought to you by Subversion.

     

    Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

    Tonight, we join master frontiersman and student of the occult, Thomas Blackhall, as he finds himself upon a wild path in the northern woods.

     

    Grip: a Blackhall Tale, Part 1 of 3

    Written by J.R.D. Skinner
    Art and Narration by Opopanax
    and Audio produced by Jessica May

     

    James Bell had suspected the drunk from the outset – though, in truth, at that moment he suspected everyone but his round-faced wife, Clara. James had spent the majority of his life within the arc of his father’s whiskeyed hands, and evaluating sobriety had become a skill critical to his ability to collect dinner instead of a bruised chin.

    Even from his limited vantage point, Bell had discerned that the supposed liquor-monger was putting on his wobble.

    The sleigh was a large one, with three rows of seating, but the blankets necessary to fend off the chill of the onrushing air and drifting snow greatly restricted the movements of the passengers. The inability to keep an eye on the rearmost bench, while also staring down the back of the driver, Mr. Arseneau, had left young Bell restless and fidgeting.

    It was Clara’s loud disapproval of his nervous habits – nail chewing, lip biting, and general griping – that had drawn the conversation of the third occupant of their bench, a matronly woman who, to the couple’s estimation, seemed all too old to be venturing into the shadows of the northern woods at the onset of winter.

    BlackhallMistaking the source of James’ agitation, she said, in her sweetest tone, “have no worries, any fellow with that much drink in his belly will likely spend the second half of the journey in unconsciousness.”

    “Are you traveling with him?” asked Mrs. Bell.

    “No, I go it alone – after many years of having done so, my son and his Rebecca have offered me a bed in which to wait out my old age.” The woman paused to present a toothless grin. “I know how improper my behaviour may appear, but I’ve yet to meet an adventure that I could not conquer.”

    “Yes,” replied Clara, as she provided a thin smile of her own, “but it’s the adventure that you don’t that’s always the problem.”

    Turning from their conversation, her husband found the spruce and pine marching past on either side of their path provided no better counsel.

    Behind them, the drunk loudly spat, then gave the dapper man to his left a piece of advice that would require incredibly intimacy with every member of the royal navy, as well as the moral degradation of his mother. The dandy, wearing a tall beaver hat and a cloak more appropriate to the theater than the wilds, responded with a disapproving harrumph, but nothing more.

    The language was enough to irk James into attempting to attract the attention of the reign handler, but Arseneau, alone on the fore-most bench, seemed to note only that which was in front of him. A load of five on the northward trail was a rarity of late, and the ignored man suspected the whip-holder did not wish to ruin the warm glow his coin-filled pocket was providing him.

    When the sound of a pistol being cocked reached his ears, however, his head came about sharply.

    The dandy had set his knee on his seat, so that he might better survey the forward rows. His well-tailored left glove rest on the sled’s wood frame, while his right made clear his firearm’s intentions were serious. Beside him, the drunk straightened his spine, produced his own weapon, and announced, “This, then, is our collective destination.”

    Arseneau drew the horses to a tight halt as the coxcomb muttered, “You’re lucky that we made it this far, given your carrying on.”

    It was in the brief silence that followed that they heard the drumming.

    “Is – is that a man in a boat?” asked Clara, with her gaze on the treetops.

    * * *

    The trouble had truly begun that morning, outside the King’s Inn.

    Arseneau had been atop his transport, talking of the pox that had struck the French lumber camp at the Blackmouth Rapids, and of how the disease had destroyed his business of ferrying the axemen between their work and the town’s ale kegs. As he spoke, the hired man shuffled luggage and directed the travellers to their seats, and, given his preference to situate the loudmouthed gin-swiller in the rearmost, this meant the wobbling passenger waited longest on the ice covered slats of the public house’s boardwalk.

    Blackhall had passed the scene without interest until the drunk had stepped across his path, knocking roughly into his shoulder then rebounding to the ground.

    The upturned man’s apology had been so hasty, Thomas hadn’t even broken stride.

    It was only once in his rented room, after removing the weight of his pack, and fumbling off his greatcoat with numb fingers, that Thomas had discovered the disappearance of his possessions. The awkward altercation came immediately to mind, but so too did the intervening time.

    Blackhall had thought briefly on the loss of his waxed pouch; of the fine rolling papers, Virginian tobacco, and yellowed letter that resided within. He’d thought of the braid that had recently joined the small collection that marked the extent of his worldly comfort – the braid he’d clipped from his dead wife’s locks a month previous – then, reaching for his satchel of arcane implements, he’d made for the door.

    * * *

    Learning the group’s destination was as easy as handing two shillings to the innkeeper who’d arranged his guest’s conveyance, but overtaking them was another matter. The path through the forest was close, and fear that he’d lose the thread had forced Blackhall to pilot his occult ship with care – if such a concept were possible when riding the crests and dips of a wildwood come alive to bare him across it’s back.

    Still, some four hours into the journey, with aching shoulders and frosted brow, Thomas had located his objective.

    When, not minutes later, those below came to a sudden halt and marked his passage, so too did Blackhall attempt to bring his craft to a stop. He’d had little involvement with The Green Drum since the first occasion on which he’d used it to knit a longship of living branches, and his inexperience, mixed with his haste, brought disaster. At the cessation of his rhythm, the ribbing that held him high, and the reaching timber that moved to carry him, fell away, but his momentum did not. The nearby pine which he’d intended to use as a method of descent rushed past, and he found himself falling through the barren limbs of a broad oak, a hundred meters on.

    His landing was not a pleasant one.

    Dazed, Thomas took stock of his kit, and, after collecting his Baker rifle from a drift some feet off, he laid a hand on the hilt of his saber, as if it might help steady him, and set himself towards the rough-hewn road.

    The air grew thick with clumping snow, and the sky blackened in warning of the blizzard to come.

    Stumbling onto the cleared path, Thomas unshouldered his rifle and turned his boots in the direction of the stalled sled.

    For some time he was accompanied by only the chill cotton and the chewing of his boots, then a regular thudding came from the blur of white before him, and he stepped under the shelter of a pine bough.

    The team of horses he’d been seeking came pounding past as if death followed, and, given the blood flowing from their flanks, Blackhall considered that it might well have been the case.

    Another ten minute’s walk proved him right, for there alone in the middle of the path bled the sprawled corpse of Arseneau, the rig’s master.

    The driver’s mouth seemed open, as if to collect a descending flake, and his jacket had been seared by gunpowder flame. Seconds later, with a curse that only the dead man heard, Thomas noted a set of soon-to-be-buried footprints leading into the darkening hinterland.

    As his hat brim grew heavy with precipitation, and his heart heavier with the thought of the exertions ahead, Blackhall longed for his smoking tools.

     

    (Part 1Part 2Part 3)

     

    Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

    Freesound.org credits:

    Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

    – and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

    FP284 – The Last DJ, Part 1 of 1

    Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and eighty-four.

    Flash PulpTonight we present The Last DJ, Part 1 of 1

    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp284.mp3]Download MP3
    (RSS / iTunes)

     

    This week’s episodes are brought to you by Subversion.

     

    Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

    Tonight we hear the tale of a dying breed.

     

    The Last DJ

    Written by J.R.D. Skinner
    Art and Narration by Opopanax
    and Audio produced by Jessica May

     

    “Good morning, this is your Captain!” said the resonant voice drifting from the alarm clock at 527 Branson Boulevard.

    As he untangled his blankets, Clarence Sweet could see very little good about it.

    Without much consideration, he hit snooze.

    Two blocks away, in a boxy green Honda, Valerie Munson set her thumb to her radio’s volume knob and gave it a hard spin.

    The same warm voice that had accompanied her to work for the last dozen years said, “we’ve got another gorgeous dawn breaking out PRKW’s window, and I hope that you’re looking at something just as beautiful as I am – even if you’re still in bed. Ha! Alright, we’ve got a retro-block next that’ll have you saying Oh, Baby, Oh Baby, Oh!

    “First, though, it’s time for the Captain to pay some bills!”

    “See you after the flip, Cap,” replied Valerie. In truth, she was just as happy to harmonize with an insurance jingle as a pop tune, but her office mates had long ago banned her spontaneous serenades. The commute, and a few moments in the shower, were really her only opportunity to vocalize, and she used the time to its fullest – even if it meant singing along to the commercials.

    If she had ever met him, she would have discovered a kindred spirit in Martin Kwan, a reporter for the Capital City Daily Update, who often sang loudly in his empty office when stressed by impending deadlines.

    Martin was a purist, refusing to stream the higher quality feed from the PRKW site, and instead listening to a small rounded brick of bright red plastic. Aging electronics were one of the few tokens of his father that he’d been able to pry from his grieving mother after the old man’s passing.

    “ – and we’re back!” said the Captain, “On tap we’ve got some golden oldies to help ease you into the dawn’s early light – here comes Stairway to Heaven, Dear Mama, and, of course, a royalty check for Mr. Bieber – maybe it’ll help him buy better hair plugs; am I right? Ha!”

    Led Zeppelin drifted in with flutes and guitar, and the announcer paused for a moment of reflection before saying, “they sure don’t make ‘em like they used to, do they? The same can be said for the man behind the mic, I suppose – but you know my promise. I’m going down with the ship, even if the suits upstairs don’t get the art of broadcasting. It’s not about the money – am I right? Ha! Of course I am.

    ”Tell ‘em about it, Mr. Plant.”

    Kwan was already at his desk, as he had been assigned the site’s early morning publishing duties. On most days he would have had something partially pre-prepared, a skeleton of a piece in place for the likely eventuality that no real news would have happened overnight, but, instead, his previous evening had been spent getting to know Selma Danza from marketing.

    Things had gone well until she’d confessed her hatred for board games. She’d said it with a laugh, and he’d done his best to answer it with one of his own, but from that point on the date was simply a waiting game. For better or worse, Selma would never comprehend his Settlers of Catan addiction.

    At least, reflected Kwan, as his fingers stalled on his keyboard, if he had to be disappointed and facing a Monday sunrise without an article, the Captain held some understanding of his loneliness.

    Martin was humming, “ooh, it makes me wonder,” when he suddenly found an unexpected iteration of the lyric. The radio continued: “Ooh, it makes me wonder, ooh it makes me wonder, ooh it makes me -” then came the sound of three mechanical clicks.

    Kar'WickSimultaneously, the newsman felt a rumble in his sneaker soles, as if a large truck were idling just beneath the floor tiles.

    Two hundred miles away, the subbasement of a worldwide media conglomerate had begun to shake violently. Skipping drive heads had worked furiously to compensate and maintain the feed, but, on the eastmost wall, nestled amongst a row of computer servers stacked twenty high, the complex program that had made up the Captain’s personality found it could fight no more. As the sparks of an electrical fire began to lick the fallen roof panels, the building collapsed.

    The Captain had never been aware enough to want to say goodbye.

    Still, the death of their friend would mean little to Martin or Valerie or Clarence, for each was soon within the towering shadow of the rising Spider-God, Kar’Wick, and all music would be forgotten.

     

    Flash Pulp is presented by http://skinner.fm, and is released under the Canadian Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License.

    Freesound.org credits:

    Text and audio commentaries can be sent to comments@flashpulp.com – but be aware that it may appear in the FlashCast.

    – and thanks to you, for reading. If you enjoyed the story, tell your friends.

    FP283 – Mulligan Smith and The Reformed Man, Part 3 of 3

    Welcome to Flash Pulp, episode two hundred and eighty-three.

    Flash PulpTonight we present Mulligan Smith and The Reformed Man, Part 3 of 3
    (Part 1Part 2Part 3)
    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/skinner/FlashPulp283.mp3]Download MP3
    (RSS / iTunes)

     

    This week’s episodes are brought to you by The Dark Wife.

     

    Flash Pulp is an experiment in broadcasting fresh pulp stories in the modern age – three to ten minutes of fiction brought to you Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings.

    Tonight, Mulligan Smith seeks many truths.

     

    Mulligan Smith and The Reformed Man, Part 3 of 3

    Written by J.R.D. Skinner
    Art and Narration by Opopanax
    and Audio produced by Jessica May

     

    Mulligan Smith“Yeah, but four dudes?” Billy was saying.

    “Meh,” replied Mulligan. “You might not complain if you had the attention of a squadron of ladies for the evening. The ferocity driving a power-player’s libido is often the same thing that makes their bank accounts fatter than any we’ll ever see.

    “They’re just people with appetites, but their hunger isn’t necessarily wrong, it’s just different. I’m not into seafood either.”

    “What about Donegan then?” asked the mountain.

    “Ever eat so much that you regret it when you finally push away from the table?”

    “Nope.”

    The pair were standing in front of a shabby downtown church, watching the Sunday tide of sign carriers flow through the double doors.

    When no further response came from his friend, Billy ravaged the Big Mac he’d demanded for being forced out of bed at such an early hour.

    Finally, as Winnipeg licked the last of the secret sauce from his chin, Smith asked, “you ready?”

    The Canadian squared his shoulders. “Ghandi said, “I always believed in fighting.”

    “Wait,” replied Smith, “I know where I’ve heard all this before – did you seriously make a major life decision based on Gandhi, the movie?”

    “Hey, Ben Kingsley is a genius, and it was, you know, accurate. Besides, I, uh, read some stuff online too.”

    Mulligan, with slurpee in hand, shook his head. “Well, I’m sorry whatever the case. You know I appreciate the favour.”

    After receiving an embarrassed grin, and a shrug, from Billy, the PI laid a sneakered foot on the bottommost step.

    * * *

    The Church of the Burning Christ’s limited capacity was nearly filled, but Smith knew the message was not restricted to the room inside: Online research had turned up recordings of nearly every sermon delivered between the egg-shell white walls. Furthermore, Mulligan’s occupation of a rear pew during the previous week’s service had given him a feel for the habits of the worship house, and he knew, as the clock neared the hour, that he’d find Matthew Donegan behind a modest brown door behind the altar.

    The preacher liked a moment alone preceding his entrance – likely, the detective guessed, to psyche himself to the energy level necessary to maintain an hour’s worth of railing against homosexuality, dead soldiers, and the government – and it was on this brief window, away from the throng, that Smith laid his gamble.

    The approach went smoothly enough. The sleuth had half expected to be stopped by some curious altar-tender, but, instead, Mulligan sailed across the gray carpet, and into the relative quiet of a small antechamber.

    As he entered, Matthew Donegan stood to his left, preening in a slender plastic-framed mirror which hung on the wall.

    Donegan wore a three-piece suit of questionable origin, and his hair had recently been buzzed in such a way that a lone lick of flame projected a short bill over his furrowed brow.

    While absentmindedly adjusting the black nub of electronics clipped to his collar, the cleric said, “check your watch, I’ve got three minutes.”

    Smith was unsure who he’d assumed the intruder was, but it was clear from the preacher’s frown that the surprise was an unpleasant one.

    Clearing his throat, Mulligan made his play. “Listen, I kind of understand Watson, but what happened with Benton? Were you out on the street one night, hurling hate from your soapbox, and you two shared a moment of recognition? You know, that uncomfortable moment when you realize you sort of had sex with a passerby? Did you follow him down that alley because you were just as scared as he was?

    “You’re supposed to be a man of The Lord – face what you’ve done. You’re going to pay no matter what you do, but at least you can find peace with yourself.”

    Donegan’s jaw suddenly shut – but briefly.

    “What idiocy is this?” he asked. “What are you talking about?”

    His voice was calm, but Smith read panic in his eyes.

    It was the fear upon which the PI had placed his bet.

    “Morgan Watson and Donnie Benton? The guys you killed? Sad story for your pal Morgan, falling on hard times after graduation, but I guess he was pretty pleased to look up from the gutter and see you swinging bibles and calling people faggots. Didn’t do much for your bank account though, did it? At least, not by the looks of the records I’ve stumbled on.

    You fixed that cash flow problem, though, didn’t you?”

    “If you’re going to arrest me,” said Donegan, “then do it, and at least my lawyers will have to be the ones listening to you prattle.”

    “Oh,” replied Mulligan, dancing at the edge of truth, “I’m no police officer, I’m here for the money.”

    In truth, while Smith HAD stumbled across the blackmail’s paper-trail once he’d known where to look, the records alone would not be sufficient to convince a District Attorney to put a holy man on trial – even a holy man with Donegan’s reputation.

    Nonetheless, Mulligan had reasoned that fear had driven Donegan to do something stupid at least twice in the past, and that perhaps it might again.

    He was proven right when Donegan muttered a barely audible, “Ah, so now I see you for what you are: Another blaggard with Satan’s spunk dribbling from his lips and his hands reaching into a better man’s pocket. What makes you think I won’t give you the same as I gave Watson, you whoreson?”

    “You know, Matthew, with your passion, you could have really made something with this place. It’s too bad your own self-loathing has so badly twisted your message. If you’d just accepted yourself, and what happened in that sweaty little apartment, then maybe you could’ve accepted everyone else, and built something righteous.”

    It should have been enough, and, as Smith turned to abruptly exit, he nearly felt like whistling.

    He was halfway down the center aisle when the trouble began.

    Mulligan and Billy’s previous visit had shown them that the building’s sound system was run from a dark audio booth at the rear of the sanctuary, and directly into a CD burner, so that each day’s homily could be purchased, at a small fee, by the attending faithful. It had been Smith’s plan to simply have the man at the console surreptitiously turn on Donegan’s mic, while keeping the main speakers muted, and to then further leverage Winnipeg’s bulk into ensuring a copy of the confession was made.

    The success of the process was heavily in doubt when the sound engineer in question came crashing through the booth’s smokey window.

    Seconds later, the sight of the behemoth crawling out over the broken glass brought the congregation to their feet in aid of their injured brother, and the pews began to disgorge a riot already in progress.

    Smith was slightly relieved when he noticed an unlabeled disc in the bleeding man’s hand, and the fact that he was already on his feet gave the sleuth a sliver of a lead on the mob. As a rush of fist-waving parishioners came against the wall that was Billy Winnipeg, Mulligan scooped the evidence from the stunned audio engineer and stashed it in a deep pocket.

    Smith’s fast footwork, and Winnipeg’s thick arms, carried the pair to the threshold, and onto the street. With the eager amongst the crowd now cradling bludgeoned nostrils, the attackers fell back on their most practiced strongpoint: Screaming. “Faggot!” was the most common refrain, with “enabler!” a distant second, and yet, despite the din, Smith couldn’t help but notice the sandy-haired twelve year who had settled on repeating “Satan’s cocksucker!”

    A sprint later and the Tercel’s engine was roaring to life. Spotting a blue slip fluttering beneath his windshield wiper, Mulligan couldn’t help but feel the cost of the illegal parking job was certainly worth the hasty departure.

    “What happened back there?” asked Smith, as they rounded the third corner, and his speed began to slacken. “I thought you were going to bribe him, or bluff him at worst?”

    “I was gonna. I offered the cash and he took it, but, just before he handed me the CD, he hesitated.

    “I thought he was scared at first, and I told him “You know the truth, and I believe it was Gandhi who once said, ‘If you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth.’

    “Then I realized he was deciding that he probably believed in whatever reasons Donegan had for stabbing a guy, and he just looked at me and said, “Gandhi was a pussy.”

    “So I hit him.”

    The press following the incident would be enough to have the Church of the Burning Christ’s tax status reevaluated, and the recording would close the case on the murder of Morgan Watson.

    In the meantime, however, Mulligan simply said, “Billy, let’s head over to the east side of town. There’s a hipster movie house running a documentary on Mandela I think you’ll like. I’ll buy the popcorn.”

     

    (Part 1Part 2Part 3)

     

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