Category: children

Diff'rent Strokes & The Bicycle Man

As far as I know, Diff’rent Strokes was really the show that began the trend of Very Special Episodes – which arguably peaked and receded during the final season of Blossom.

A lot of things can be ‘Very Special’ however, and Diff’rent Strokes liked to cast a wide net. Have you ever heard of The Bicycle Man?

Gordon Jump, (the boss from WKRP in Cincinnati & The Lonely Maytag Repairman,) played a bicycle shop owner who was quite interested in cutting Arnold a deal – in exchange for his pants. It’s surprising, for an early ’80s sitcom, how far they went with this Child-Molester warning.

It might have been a little more effective without the laugh track though.

Here’s the crux, but you can find both episodes dealing with the subject on youtube:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlkoxsEpODo]

Frightenstein

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsaFDZfz8Lc]

I’m just starting to realize how much Hilarious House of Frightenstein, and the work of Billy Van specifically, shaped my childhood.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA0UsMPjyWk]

Frightenstein.com lists Billy Van as Count Frightenstein, Bwana Clyde, Gorilla, Grizelda, Librarian, Maharishi, Oracle, Pet Vet, Singing Soldier, and the Wolfman – and yet he sells each one. The site also mentions that he was the child of a vaudeville family, which certainly comes through in the gags – the non sequitur jokes, the two man setups, the character work. Was Hilarious House of Frightenstein the last gasp of the classic vaudeville formula [for children, in a low budget broadcast, on an educational station]?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjpS878VatI]

Disney Princesses (Yeah, and Maybe I'm A Chinese Jet Pilot)

Disney Wedding Rings

In Spring 2010 a new line of beautiful diamond engagement rings will be released from Disney. Each ring is inspired by one of the classic Disney Princesses.

The rings were designed by Kirstie Kelly who also designs corresponding Disney Princess wedding gowns for brides as well as bridesmaid dresses to go along with each brides dress.

Each engagement ring will have a matching wedding band. The current six rings that have been unveiled are for Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, Jasmine, Ariel and Belle. – Disney Dreaming

Yugh.

And the price list from Screencrave:

  • Jasmine: $5,160
  • Sleeping Beauty: $4,960
  • Belle: $4,220
  • Cinderella: $3,980
  • Snow White: $3,580
  • Ariel: $3,280

At that point I’d be demanding my half of the deal be a new diamond chain – FOR THE SAW I’D JUST ATTACHED TO MY FOREARM.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qr4PcOQYFAw]

Ugly Kiddie Songs

I was watching the the glass teat the other day and was shown a commercial for some Minipops knock off CD for kids. The formula is familiar: take popular music (in this case Top 40 Hits of the ’60s through ’80s), clean up any lyrics that might be off-putting, then have some overly self-possessed children squeal it all into microphones while cousin Eddie and his band play backup.

This isn’t the commercial in question, but a demonstration of the genre:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfpL41Pwj50]

I’ve been unable to locate the original commercial in question, but it contained a remake of a certain hit for Jimmy Soul, a hit re-written to tell children to do whatever makes them happy for the rest of their lives. Great message, and I could see some 5-year-old girl falling in love with those happy tones, tucking that song away as a secret method of brightening a bad day, and then hitting fifteen and suddenly encountering the original:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh9ZZgDqzAg]

Ugh.

(I found Kris & Scott’s Daily Affirmation ably demolished that festering nugget.)

Lately

I’m really just listing these items in the hope that enumerating them will somehow help them pass out of my brain – here’s the stress list from the last two months:
  • My own swine flu infection, with a pregnant lady in the house
  • Fretting over the kids once they’ve contracted swine flu
  • The baby decides to come a month before he’s supposed to
  • A week back and forth to the hospital worrying over the baby
  • Jessica May’s Grandfather is diagnosed with bone cancer
  • Jessica May’s Dad passes after a long illness

Which feels a little like:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5QGkOGZubQ]