Regarding Equality
A thought after watching a fantastic grade school talent show:
Everyone would be proud to have their daughter display great showmanship – less so to have their daughter display great showgirl-ship.
Category: junk thought
On CNN and Super Powers
Listen, CNN: If you’re gonna claim that a tiny village has been transformed by meteorites I expect to find some mutated human-reptile hybrids, or a town matron that now has the strength to toss around Hummers like horseshoes, not a story about people selling space rocks at reasonable prices.
Pre-Teen CSPAN
President Obama is attempting to implement new regulations to rein in derivatives?
– but then what will Ke$ha do with herself?
Zing!
Mr. Bruce Jaws The Third
In the same way that a good horror tale should only be read while alone in the dark, Jaws 3 should be legally restricted to only broadcast on remote cable channels on slow Sunday afternoons.
Crud – what if once ‘3D’ TV finally does start selling there’s a rush for content and we’re all stuck repeatedly watching the third Friday the 13th movie or Jaws 3(-D)?
If it makes the new Clash Of The Titans feel any better, these movies weren’t known for just being novelty films to satisfy a fad craving, they were also known for being terrible.
Also, the third dimension being terror may explain why the physics in Event Horizon were so buggered up.
iPhone Alarm Ringing In My Ears
By the end of highschool I’d come to hate my bedside clock, or more specifically, the grating stab of the alarm. I moved to the radio function for a few years, but the truth is that I’m a half-awake manhandler and it takes very little effort for me to accidentally knock it over to the soothing white noise of dead air before rejoining li’l Nemo in Slumberland.
In recent times I use my iPhone, but the trouble is that I’m running out of pre-packaged ring tones. It takes me a week or two to get mad at pseudo-R2D2 or cartoon-xylophone, and I’m rapidly moving into novelty-comedy rings just to keep it fresh.
I should rip some John Hughes movie soundtracks – maybe then I could wake up with some Bueller-style vim. Or at least learn to start raging every time I hear Don’t You Forget About Me.
Shirtless Hillbilly sells me everytime
This is actually the first web ad I’ve clicked on in years:
Hilariously even after clicking that ad I was still disappointed with how lame the shirts were.
Episode 004 will be up after business hours.
Robots: The Great Capitalist Lie
Is the lead for this CNN article supposed to be pulling in people who’ve just stepped out of a viewing of Metropolis?
Are we really having to convince people that robots aren’t a figment of popular imagination like ghosts, aliens or bigfoot?
Maybe there are a group, like flat-Earthers or Moon landing nuts, of robot deniers who’ve carefully taken apart Short Circuit 1 & 2 frame by frame and can prove that robot technology simply isn’t possible.
(Side note: Did you know the constant cannibal-churn of Hollywood has brought us to the point where they’re actually in the process of re-making Short Circuit for 2011?)
(*I also kind of expected this to lead into an Old Glory Inusrance commercial.)
Farmville
I don’t actually play the game, but I’ve spent enough time looking over the shoulders of loved ones to develop a theory.
Have you ever seen those pictures of spider webs after the builders have been exposed to various drugs?
Farmville is a lot like those spider webs, or maybe a Rorschach test. Driven people will have a huge, neatly ordered field with a tiny corner set aside for living arrangements, creative types lose the drive to constantly yield big crops but will have a lot of green space and fancy extras, chronic hoarders will end up with a mish-mash nightmare landscape of tightly packed dairy animals and seasonal decorations crammed in the shadows of unusable barns, etc.
Masked Evil
Hey, you know what’s inherently creepy?
Children, in packs, wearing masks.
I’m fairly sure there’s nothing left of that lady below the shoulders.
Gag
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oF_JdL0iIQw]
It would be easy to label Victoria Jackson as stupid and crazy, or even stupid crazy, but hear me out: maybe what we’re seeing here is the ultimate move in comedy genius – more Colbert than Colbert, a brilliant Andy Kaufman-esque, carreer defining gag?
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-yiRHNbfuw]
Maybe not.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uQlB99WCuk]