Category: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

On Monkey Men

I’ve been enjoying bmj2k’s “In Search Of…” articles quite a bit, so much so that I felt a need to quote his quotation as well as a snippet of his response:

HOSPITAL EXORCISES “GHOST” MONKEY

NEW DELHI- Doctors at an Indian hospital are breathing more easily after a monkey trapped in its air-conditioning ducts was caught, the Hindustan Times reported.

The monkey, which was trapped for three days, threatened large-scale contamination of seven operating rooms at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences in New Delhi before it was captured on Friday.

Some on the hospital staff feared that the strange noises coming from the air-conditioning ducts were caused by a ghost. Then surgeons saw a small face and pair of eyes peering a vent during an operation.

[…] At any rate, we are not talking about normal monkeys which spook surgeons in hospitals. No, we are talking about some sort of alien monkey/human hybrid with the ability to turn invisible and wear pants. – read more

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMgCHOLr6iI]

More Spaceballs 2

Loose Cannons Poster

I posted last week about the Italian “sequel” to Spaceballs, Balle Spaziali 2 – La vendetta. In the comments, friend of the site bmj2k, of Mr Blog’s Tepid Ride, suggested I ask a mutual acquaintance (Mac, a musician and occasional alien) from the Relic Radio OTR forums, who happens to be Italian, if he had any insight into the hows and whys of Italy’s fake sequels.
Here’s what he had to say:

OK, let’s see if I can explain the horrible mess Italian distributors make (or used to make, as now there’s more information regarding films even before they are released here)…

For instance:

1 – the title gets changed in order to exploit the success of another film that has nothing to do with it. Around 20 years ago, a film called “Four-legged policemen” (I have no idea what the original title was, police dogs were the stars, I suppose) obtained some success over here. Soon afterwards, the film “Loose Cannons” was imported; while nothing else was changed, the title became “Two-legged policemen”. Invariably, the result of this kind of operation is that the few people who go see the movie are disappointed because it’s not a sequel at all and tell their friends not to go see it. The rest of the movie-going population who didn’t like the “first” film, do not go see the alleged sequel because they’re not interested. The result is – every freakin’ time – a complete flop. So why they keep/kept doing it, is way beyond me.

2 – the film is judged not interesting enough for the Italian audience, so – thanks to the devastating magic of dubbing – the whole film gets changed. Examples:

A dramatic film on cavemen and dinosaurs (from the 60’s) that didn’t have any dialogs (might be one million years bc, but I’m not sure) was turned into a supposedly funny film by having a guy talking over the whole film making what were supposed to be humorous comments on every scene. The result was depressing to say the least. The hilarious “Shaolin soccer” (which I saw in its original language with fairly correct English subtitles and really made me roll on the floor) was turned into the worst smelling cr*p I’ve ever seen by having it dubbed by famous soccer players who couldn’t act to save their humongous bank accounts and by using local (Italian) dialects, not to mention what was done to the original lines. Again, this kind of thing results in abismally unsuccessful films, so why they keep/kept doing it, is way beyond me.

There’s a lot more, but I guess you got the general idea.

I love the idea of famous soccer players dubbing Shaolin Soccer – it almost makes me want to see The Mighty Ducks dubbed by mush mouthed athletes from the NHL, or A League Of Their Own dubbed entirely by the starting line-up of the NY Yankees.
A League Of Their Own

After bmj2k questioned the legality of such a move, Mac added:

Because the title was in Italian (Balle Spaziali, where balls may mean both “lies” or “testicles” as in English – how refined…), so the rights are probably with the Italian distributor or whatever.

Copyrights are the craziest thing.

Another Round

From the CNN front page:

CNN InterviewNo, dammit, YOU interview someone interesting.

What is this supposed to even be, advice on how to spend your Sunday?

Other possible CNN suggestions for ways to fill your time:

  • Find a decent 30 seconds of live video and loop it on your DVR throughout the entire day
  • Work on your James Earl Jones impression
  • Write some decent commercial break intros and outros for Rick Sanchez
  • Buy Wolf Blitzer a scotch

Update: Whoa! How did I miss that Sanchez got himself fired!?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrFoLZqY_s4]

October 31 – #1: Bride Of The Monster

Bride Of The Monster

I’ve long loved Lugosi, in all his forms, and this movie scratches a festering itch every time I sit down for a re-watch.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8YGES_Ynkk]

What follows isn’t so much a review as a series of disjointed notes.

It seemed more appropriate.

  • You know you’re getting yourself into a quality movie when the major set of the film is obviously made up of large stone bricks painted onto drywall.
  • Lugosi explains that Tor Johnson’s Lobo was supposedly found in “The Wilds Of Quebec”. Technically, I was born not far from “The Wilds Of Quebec”, so maybe I am also half monster/big guy with an awkward vest.
  • This was Bela’s last speaking role. His last appearance was in Ed Wood’s next film, Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Whim Wham

  • Bela uses the Dracula hand wave of hypnotism in this movie too. I realized, after seeing him put the main female character under his influence, that I’d probably watch The Mentalist if he played the lead.
  • Oddly, this film actually passes “The Bechdel Test” in spades. Not only does the female lead play a hard-nosed reporter, she blows off her love interest for work, and has repeated conversations about the plot without any males on screen.

The Bechdel Test, sometimes called the Mo Movie Measure or Bechdel Rule is a simple test which names the following three criteria: (1) it has to have at least two women in it, who (2) who talk to each other, about (3) something besides a man. – BechdelTest.com

  • Finally, despite the fact that the crux of the movie largely revolves around people accidentally falling into the arms of an inanimate octopus, somehow it has really nice looking cars throughout.

Studebaker

Nuts From Underground

Last night my brain was assaulted by a commercial for THIS:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70lwALlvTx8]

I wrote about the original Underground Comedy Movie some time ago, while attempting to figure out what the deal with the Slap Chop Guy’s name was, but I never would have guessed that Vince Offer would throw his Sham-Wow money behind attempting a second stab at his real dream, acting. Image found at http://buzznet.comFor those who don’t recall, we’re talking about a fellow whose original effort at breaking into the movie business was so bad that he ended up selling it himself via late night infomercials; it’s actually how he got into the business of selling garbage no one needs.Arrested ShlomiI would love to show you a youtube clip of the original Underground Comedy, just to demonstrate how drab and soul-sucking it was, but Vince has had every scrap of it removed from the usual public video feeds.

– including the trailer.

S'more Bears

As the Earth’s staggering climate slowly broils us to death in our own juices, some interesting side-effects are taking place.

Species that were once held apart by weather differences are now able to mingle – in some areas that means a new lunch menu, but, as is the way with nature, it also means a fresh dating pool for lonely four-leggers.

That’s how we get beasties like this:

Grolar BearThe Sun article that I stole this picture from calls it a Grolar Bear, personally though, I’ll stick with Wikipedia’s “grizzly-polar bear hybrid“.

Martell had been hunting for polar bears with an official license and a guide, at a cost of $45,450, and killed the animal believing it to be a normal polar bear. Officials took interest in the creature after noticing that it had thick, creamy white fur, typical of polar bears, as well as long claws; a humped back; a shallow face; and brown patches around its eyes, nose, and back, and having patches on one foot, which are all traits of grizzly bears. If the bear had been adjudicated to be a grizzly, he would have faced a possible CAN$1,000 fine and up to a year in jail. – Wikipedia

Spanish Fly

I was always a little disturbed by the seedier stories I heard, in my youth, about Spanish Fly – but for some reason, apropos of nothing, it just now struck me how much of a monstrous drug those urban legends would have been.

This was not the angle of approach that I recall the fourteen-year-old narrators taking in imparting the mystic qualities of a ground bug.

The whole thing has me seriously reconsidering the classic concept of the love potion.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rXhXLsNJL8]