Frightenstein

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsaFDZfz8Lc]

I’m just starting to realize how much Hilarious House of Frightenstein, and the work of Billy Van specifically, shaped my childhood.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA0UsMPjyWk]

Frightenstein.com lists Billy Van as Count Frightenstein, Bwana Clyde, Gorilla, Grizelda, Librarian, Maharishi, Oracle, Pet Vet, Singing Soldier, and the Wolfman – and yet he sells each one. The site also mentions that he was the child of a vaudeville family, which certainly comes through in the gags – the non sequitur jokes, the two man setups, the character work. Was Hilarious House of Frightenstein the last gasp of the classic vaudeville formula [for children, in a low budget broadcast, on an educational station]?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjpS878VatI]

Disney Princesses (Yeah, and Maybe I'm A Chinese Jet Pilot)

Disney Wedding Rings

In Spring 2010 a new line of beautiful diamond engagement rings will be released from Disney. Each ring is inspired by one of the classic Disney Princesses.

The rings were designed by Kirstie Kelly who also designs corresponding Disney Princess wedding gowns for brides as well as bridesmaid dresses to go along with each brides dress.

Each engagement ring will have a matching wedding band. The current six rings that have been unveiled are for Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, Jasmine, Ariel and Belle. – Disney Dreaming

Yugh.

And the price list from Screencrave:

  • Jasmine: $5,160
  • Sleeping Beauty: $4,960
  • Belle: $4,220
  • Cinderella: $3,980
  • Snow White: $3,580
  • Ariel: $3,280

At that point I’d be demanding my half of the deal be a new diamond chain – FOR THE SAW I’D JUST ATTACHED TO MY FOREARM.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qr4PcOQYFAw]

Late Night Pictures

I was a boy who burrowed deep into his family’s basement. On weekends I would often creep out of bed and into the rec room, flip the set on low and hunker close to take in the ridiculous beauty of late night TV. Sure, I watched a lot of Weird TV, and that odd show about the fellow who has had his identity stolen by some corporation, but what I was really tuning in for was the 3am broadcast of Elvira’s Movie Macabre.

Earlier in life I’d been given pretty open access to a selection of terrible films via the Uncle of a friend of mine, but Movie Macabre was really my introduction to the beauty of trashy horror. Late-night-movie TV hosts are rare these days, but thanks to the internet bad movies are always on hand, and to quote such a film, it’s always midnight somewhere.

My two favourite torchbearers maintain the D.I.Y. feel while providing plenty of crap movies:

The Right Reverend Chumley has been sporadically releasing episodes of Cult Of UHF since 2005,and his film selections are an interesting mixed bag of ancient public domain mixed with newer (i.e. colour) horror, scifi and action b-movies.Count Gore De Vol

Count Gore De Vol‘s Creature Feature is a classic horror style show that puts out a film every week or two, but I find its website a little tough to contend with, so you may be interested in its (free) itunes podcast link.

Ugly Kiddie Songs

I was watching the the glass teat the other day and was shown a commercial for some Minipops knock off CD for kids. The formula is familiar: take popular music (in this case Top 40 Hits of the ’60s through ’80s), clean up any lyrics that might be off-putting, then have some overly self-possessed children squeal it all into microphones while cousin Eddie and his band play backup.

This isn’t the commercial in question, but a demonstration of the genre:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfpL41Pwj50]

I’ve been unable to locate the original commercial in question, but it contained a remake of a certain hit for Jimmy Soul, a hit re-written to tell children to do whatever makes them happy for the rest of their lives. Great message, and I could see some 5-year-old girl falling in love with those happy tones, tucking that song away as a secret method of brightening a bad day, and then hitting fifteen and suddenly encountering the original:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh9ZZgDqzAg]

Ugh.

(I found Kris & Scott’s Daily Affirmation ably demolished that festering nugget.)

Candyland

Have you ever heard of Lollyphile? I hadn’t till just now, but their selections look enticing. Pictured above is the Irish Cream Lolly, which I may need to pick up a dozen of, but if that doesn’t grab your attention you might consider Maple-Bacon.

From their site:

The salty chunks of bacon make a delicious and unique counterpoint to the subtle sweetness of the maple…

Indeed.

Their Absinthe Pops sound nice too.