Category: Sunday Summary

Sunday Summary: Rapture & Remakes

School's Out

Skinner Co. Staff: Project Mohill is due MONDAY. To avoid rapture-based delays, please ensure a Friday night of sinful orgiastic debauchery.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 20, 2011

What’s the cap on carry-on luggage for the rapture?

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 20, 2011

New project: Make a stereogram image that doesn’t resolve to anything. Hang it by desk. Talk to co-workers about how naughty it is.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 19, 2011

True Fact: Sometimes I write phrases simply to annoy @0popanax. (See: “semi-comatose slurpee sipping”.)

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 18, 2011

L'il White Flowers

Taylor: A planet where horses evolved from men!? Dr. Neighus: Don’t look it in the mouth, you may not like what you find. #AmusingMyself

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 18, 2011

For your consideration: The critters in Critters are really just hooligan tribbles.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 18, 2011

If Norman Bates steps on a crack, does he break his own back?

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 20, 2011

Remakes: maybe it’s just me, but it somehow isn’t as effective if John Cusack/Lloyd Dobler is holding a blaring iPad over his head.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 20, 2011

I’ve changed too many diapers to ever lustfully call anyone “baby”.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 21, 2011

The Warpath To Summer

Sunday Summary: Poop & Procrastination

Gates

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Work Planet

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Sunday Summary: Sharks, Bikinis, & Scientists

Skinner Co. Employees: Call your mother – she worries.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 6, 2011

Writing: How people become acquainted with the details of the ceiling above their work area.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 6, 2011

Skinner Co. Valet Staff: Consider this a belated reminder that your insurance benefits do not cover jumping buses,flaming pits, or sharks.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 5, 2011

Skinner Co. Foundry Workers: While we respect your enthusiasm for Star Wars, metal bikinis do not constitute proper work attire.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 4, 2011

Caution: Trucks Slamming Into Walls Ahead

I’m going to start a rumour that all of our leaders were created in labs by political scientists.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 3, 2011

Skinner Co. Clientele: To prevent legal risk-exposure, we are obligated to inform you that we ARE afraid of SOME ghosts.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 1, 2011

Watching Ad Sense pull keywords for flashpulp.com is fun – listings are currently split between funeral homes and “Asian Female For Love”

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 2, 2011

Skinner Co. Staff: Despite a rabies outbreak in accounting, rumours of a vigilante playboy millionaire running the corporation are unfounded

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) May 2, 2011

On The Way To Dinner

Sunday Summary: Horse Feathers

Robot Army

Skinner Co. Employees: Please remember that the 19th floor’s escape pods are for management only.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 27, 2011

As I’m covered in youts, on a dozen occasions so far today I’ve had to use the age-old reply of “chicken butt”.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 25, 2011

Easter? I barely know’er! #NotEvenSureWhatThatMeans

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 24, 2011

“Horse Feathers” was coined by the same fellow who made up “Heebie Jeebies”. #seriously #GoogleIt http://instagr.am/p/DpKll/

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 28, 2011

Horse Feathers

Wow, is it already “crawl under the desk and hide”-o’clock?

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 27, 2011

Skinner Co. Employees: In case of apocalypse, please power down your computer fully before panicking and/or cannibalizing your workmates.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 28, 2011

Skinner Co. Mortuary Dept.: Take Your Child To Work Day is delayed until new waivers are drawn up for the “Mr. Robo-autopsy” beta period.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 30, 2011

158

Sunday Summary: An Easterly Wind

Climbing

Skinner Co. Staff: We regretfully declare Operation Sharkjaw a failure. Please return all bioengineered kittens to R&D, immediately.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 23, 2011

Don’t make me angry – you won’t like me when I’m angry. I get gassy.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 22, 2011

I understand why people are concerned about the future, but take heart: today’s children will likely never be aware of the film “Mannequin”.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 21, 2011

True Fact: Elvis invented the Double Down – although his original recipe involved two deep-fried turduckens. (Inspired by @bmj2k)

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 20, 2011

Checking on how ill I am, lest she miss a meal.

Despite all this talk of “tipping at windmills”, I’ve heard the Dutch still have terrible valet service.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 20, 2011

Dear television, Did you guys lose all of your tripods? Stop it with the shaky-cam. Sincerely, JRD

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 20, 2011

Times change. In Christine, it’s buyable that a supernatural ’58 Plymouth Fury turns to murder. Less convincing: an ’03 Chevy Impala.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 19, 2011

Skinner Co. employees: As fun as the 19-floor, 500 player, game of hide & seek was, not telling Hank, from QA, when it was done, wasn’t nice

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 19, 2011

An eight-year-old's taxonomy of the animal kingdom.

Sunday Summary: Warfare & Exorcisms

Good Morning
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Suburban Wasteland
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Catimus P. Cat

Sunday Summary: The Waiting Game

Pineapple

Considering a bit of fiction in which the reanimated hand of Mark Twain wanders through modern culture slapping people. #HuckleberryFist

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 8, 2011

I wonder if Hawaiian eight-year-olds have Canadian themed birthday parties. Probably not.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 3, 2011

Dear CSI Miami Online-Store: Why don’t you sell sunglasses wired up with tiny speakers? http://youtu.be/QoPWALM2riQ

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 7, 2011

Cheers, or a totalitarian regime? “You wanna go where people know, people are all the same – you wanna go where everybody knows your name.”

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 6, 2011

Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near? Seriously – my car is filthy and I don’t think I can give you a ride to work anymore.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 5, 2011

This tweet is nothing but a distracting puff of smoke as I disappear. #I‘mBatman

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) April 8, 2011

Rocking Horse

Sunday Summary: Limitless Aquaman

"Thanks for the new tagline, Larry, but I don't think it's helping."

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Renovations

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Paranoia, or a call for long distance rap-battle?

Sunday Summary: Chainsaws & James Bond

Messy Accusations

I kept waiting for the fantastic to start while watching Paranormal Activity 2. It didn’t.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) March 27, 2011

Smell got the shaft. You don’t call someone being loud “very heary”, & at least being “tasty” is a good thing. #TheMoreYouNose

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) March 26, 2011

New plan: Build an airship. Wander from city to city, fighting crime with a cadre of skydiving hobos. Learn a weekly lesson. #Zeppilante

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) March 23, 2011

How much wood would a woodchuck chainsaw, if a woodchuck could operate and maintain complex mechanical objects?

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) March 22, 2011

With the right kind of coaching for the role, I could see Gordon Ramsay as a new breed of Bond villain.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) March 21, 2011

Hyacinth heart

Sunday Summary: The End Of Gnesbit

Stress is the enemy of wit.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) March 16, 2011

Legal situations should be resolved via a lawyer dance-off.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) March 18, 2011

Not a joke: I foresee a resurgence in the Godzilla franchise in the next few years.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) March 15, 2011

After the news from Japan and Libya, the Charlie Sheen brouhaha seems like the echo of an idiot’s chuckle.

— JRD Skinner (@JRDSkinner) March 14, 2011